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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

443 replies

BillHadersNewWife · 25/01/2023 13:07

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/01/2023 20:32

KettrickenSmiled · 25/01/2023 13:18

Presumably she was clothed though?

What's wrong with going braless? Genuine question - I can;t understand why it would disconcert you enough to post about it.

Show quote history

I read this and thought you meant without anything on the top half.

I would walk around in PJs without a bra if staying with someone - I thought that was normal? Mind you, I have quite small breasts I guess.

HScully · 26/01/2023 20:32

Turn your heating down! Just have it warm in the living room & bedrooms

Tell her your are trying to save money and then gift her a dressing gown

KatysMumJen · 26/01/2023 20:34

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 20:30

"Sad times when a woman of 75 is criticised for being liberated enough to be comfortable in a pair of knickers and a T shirt."

I don't see what's liberating about imposing your near nudity on other people.
It's rude rather than liberated.
And not everything is about your own comfort when there are other people involved.

You’re imposing your body insecurity onto everyone else.
I feel sorry for you.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 20:46

It's not body insecurity, it's decency.
I don't care if my neighbours think I'm fat, I still close the blinds in the bathroom because it's not fair to impose my nudity on them. It's about having consideration for others.
If I'm getting changed in the gym, of course other women will see me in my knickers, but I don't visit people and wonder around like that.
Can you see that it's got nothing to do with insecurities?

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 20:47

"I would walk around in PJs without a bra if staying with someone - I thought that was normal?"

Yes, most women don't wear a bra to bed I think so I would too, but I can see when going braless would be uncomfortable, with a skimpy or see through top for example and I presume this is what the poster was complaining about. I hope nobody would know I had no bra on if I was wearing a PJ top and a jumper.

Keeley1472 · 26/01/2023 20:49

Maybe she screwed up packing for the move and doesn’t have pyjama bottoms or a gown with her? Or never did it before bc she was visiting, but has decided it’s ok since she’s temporarily living with you?
I’d definitely ask your husband to address it. Since you have a good relationship in general I’m sure you call all survive a mildly awkward conversation.

Or, if you just can’t bring yourself to ask her to cover up, make an announcement that the heat is getting turned down and ask if she needs to borrow a gown / pyjamas / slippers.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 20:49

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 20:47

"I would walk around in PJs without a bra if staying with someone - I thought that was normal?"

Yes, most women don't wear a bra to bed I think so I would too, but I can see when going braless would be uncomfortable, with a skimpy or see through top for example and I presume this is what the poster was complaining about. I hope nobody would know I had no bra on if I was wearing a PJ top and a jumper.

Oh god no! Not in case someone sees (whispers) a nipple!!! Or even worse, an outline of a nipple!! The horror!

Cactusmad · 26/01/2023 20:52

Turn your heating down if you want her to cover up. In our house we are layered up. Very little on show , it’s too cold.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 26/01/2023 20:55

Maybe it’s a subtle hint for you to turn the heating down?

Noonesperfect · 26/01/2023 21:20

meetmeatmidnights · 25/01/2023 14:36

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

It's gross because it's underwear which is designed for being under clothes and covering your private parts! It'd be just as weird if she was wearing a bikini around the house.

Just because it's socially acceptable in some situations to have your arse out doesn't mean it's socially acceptable in others. That's like saying oh its weird that I can have my tits out at a nudist beach but not on the street. Just because one is appropriate doesn't mean it is in every situation. She's in a house that isn't her home, in front of other people - walking around making conversations with her arse out - totally inappropriate imo!

LOL 😂🤣 thanks from r making me laugh. Loved the but about getting your tits out down the high street 🤣🤣

KatysMumJen · 26/01/2023 21:33

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 20:46

It's not body insecurity, it's decency.
I don't care if my neighbours think I'm fat, I still close the blinds in the bathroom because it's not fair to impose my nudity on them. It's about having consideration for others.
If I'm getting changed in the gym, of course other women will see me in my knickers, but I don't visit people and wonder around like that.
Can you see that it's got nothing to do with insecurities?

Nobody mentioned being nude in front of the neighbours though?

BarmyArmy22 · 26/01/2023 21:39

I would want her to put it away too! Maybe turn your heating down to save money 😉

Unfortunately once seen you can't unsee it.

Hellibore · 26/01/2023 21:44

musingsinmidlife · 26/01/2023 19:58

This board is good for a laugh. One thread is I would never go to the middle eas where they make women cover up and this thread is Dear MIL, I have provided a dessing gown to be sure that nothing other than your ankles or wrists ever show in our home. We are uncomfortable with your lack of modesty and seeing your legs and arms. Please cover up.

Exactly!

Hellibore · 26/01/2023 21:45

BarmyArmy22 · 26/01/2023 21:39

I would want her to put it away too! Maybe turn your heating down to save money 😉

Unfortunately once seen you can't unsee it.

A leg?! You've never seen a leg?!?!
Jeesus christ you lot need to get out more! Seriously. 🤣🤣🤣

BarmyArmy22 · 26/01/2023 21:46

PontifiKaty · 26/01/2023 20:06

As a mother of (only) boys, this thread makes me a bit sad that this sneery future is what I’ve likely got ahead of me.

@PontifiKaty keep your kit on and you'll be fine.

I wouldn't want my own Mum walking round in her kecks let alone anyone elses.

BarmyArmy22 · 26/01/2023 21:49

@Hellibore I think the oddballs are the people who are happy with their MILs arse hanging out while she's walking about their house!

Hellibore · 26/01/2023 21:52

BarmyArmy22 · 26/01/2023 21:49

@Hellibore I think the oddballs are the people who are happy with their MILs arse hanging out while she's walking about their house!

You do realise you'll be old too one day right?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 21:52

BarmyArmy22 · 26/01/2023 21:49

@Hellibore I think the oddballs are the people who are happy with their MILs arse hanging out while she's walking about their house!

Happy? Where has anyone said that?

That we wouldn't give a shit yes. But happy is not a word a single person has used.

BarmyArmy22 · 26/01/2023 22:04

@Hellibore No it never occurred to me I would age. Thank you for enligtening me!

I wouldn't wander around my MIL and FIL house in my pants now so I won't be doing it to my DC in the future. I don't care if you think it's prudish. Unless you are in an intimate caring role with someone, or an intimate relationship, or permanently living with someone or work as a porn star people just don't tend to go stand round other peoples houses chatting in their pants.

Ineke · 26/01/2023 22:04

Just offer her a dressing gown feigning an apology for not offering her one before saying that you assumed that she would have one with her. Maybe make her an early cup of tea in the morning wearing your dressing gown so she gets to see what is etiquette in your household.

Pants0nFir3 · 26/01/2023 22:13

I'm with you on this! Why are everyone trying to fuck the lady off with dementia etc!?

Pants0nFir3 · 26/01/2023 22:14

Leave her alone ffs!

NooNooHead1981 · 26/01/2023 22:14

My God, I am literally stifling a guffaw here and trying not to wake my DD up at the answers in this thread! It's just brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

Pants0nFir3 · 26/01/2023 22:17

Can't fucking wait to see you all post your sanity in ya pants one day, one fucking word. DIGNITY TO HER!

NooNooHead1981 · 26/01/2023 22:21

One thing that had just crossed my mind I'd not thought of before... and it is a bit gross... is whether she is ahem clean shaven in her lady parts, and whether her garden is a well grown one? I mean, if it is, then maybe one or two might, you know, fall out of her pants and that's going to be you getting the dustpan to sweep them up...

😳😱