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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

443 replies

BillHadersNewWife · 25/01/2023 13:07

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 18:36

Bear in mind that imposing your near nudity on someone who doesn't want it can be abusive. It might just be thoughtless in this case I suppose, but it's incredibly rude.

wossgoinon · 26/01/2023 18:36

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I’m quite jealous that she feels warm enough to do that. I’m pjs, dressing gown, blanket just watching the telly

payens · 26/01/2023 18:37

Sounds like ageism to me.

MariaFitzherbert · 26/01/2023 18:41

I did read your other thread. Your MIL may be simply hard to live with but a couple of things struck me as potential signs of early dementia.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptons/losing-inhibitions

it mY be worth doing some reading and if you then think there is an issue, involve a geriatrician.

Difficulty managing a change in living situation is a classic first presentation for early dementia.

ScotsBluebell · 26/01/2023 18:44

Gobsmacked by how prudish and ageist so many women are on here. And as for being shocked by somebody not wearing a bra to breakfast? Give your heads a wobble.

musingsinmidlife · 26/01/2023 18:45

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 18:36

Bear in mind that imposing your near nudity on someone who doesn't want it can be abusive. It might just be thoughtless in this case I suppose, but it's incredibly rude.

There is no near nudity. She is wearing pants and a t shirt.

There is no nudity showing other than her legs and her arms and head.

The fact what it is pants material instead of another fabric doesn't change what it covers. It isn't nudity.

And Ops telling has changed this story into skimpier and skimpier pants with thinner and thinner fabric that is more and more revealing with each retelling. My guess is that she is actually in her granny panties and a regular t shirt (that covers part or all of her knickers , not some thin high legged arse out sheer panties with a crop top.

TiredandLate · 26/01/2023 18:46

How warm is your house??

Dp will be lucky to catch a glimpse of my ankle before spring never mind my arse 😅

vaccinistatotebagchicbarista · 26/01/2023 18:49

mackthepony · 25/01/2023 13:10

Lol that's a bit much

My mil once came down to brekkie without a bra

Now I know she's French and all that but blardy Nora

To be fair I don’t wear a bra if I can help it😂😂

HallwayDoor · 26/01/2023 18:52

Not on.
Youve given her your bedroom? Why?! That’s yours! She’s had the entire time her house has been going through as sold to look for another one. Tell her you are having your bedroom back this weekend. And she needs to wear bottoms or a dressing gown

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 18:56

"There is no nudity showing other than her legs and her arms and head."

And thighs, and possibly part of the bum and pubes if she has them. Knickers are not shorts. And I said near nudity in my post.

(When I wear PJs I obviously don't have a bra on either. It wasn't me who complained about that).

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 18:58

"My guess is that she is actually in her granny panties and a regular t shirt (that covers part or all of her knickers , not some thin high legged arse out sheer panties with a crop top."

I'm going on my understanding of what "normal" knickers are ie bikini style with thinner materials and a bit more revealing than an actual bikini.

Wibbly1008 · 26/01/2023 19:02

Ask Dh to tell her politely she should pop on a dressing gown when she ventures out. I do not think her wearing knickers about the house is at all appropriate, honestly this would upset me. DH is best placed to do this.

Laisydaisy · 26/01/2023 19:02

Given she didn’t use to wander around like this I would just buy her a dressing gown and say: “I got this for because I’ve realised you don’t have your dressing gown with you and I know you usually wear one. So here you are and I hope you like it.”

Kellymm88 · 26/01/2023 19:03

I’d say, on the grand scale of life, it’s probably not worth upsetting her over it. Most likely your probably said at some stage “treat the place like home” and she now is.
what’s the actual harm? She’s got pants and a T-shirt on, it could be worse. She’s only living life:
some day you’ll have a saggy belly, and arse, and may well find comfort in staying with your kids during a move.
who cares?
I’d say you’re being a prude. Lighten up a bit. It’s only a body….

SicParvisMagna · 26/01/2023 19:04

The prudish almost puritanical attitude we have towards the naked or near-naked human body in this country is puzzling to me. But then I grew up in a house where nakedness wasn't deemed gross or repulsive. So have my kids but, as a case in point, my 12 year old DS mentioned at school that I sometimes pat my sons bum after he's had a shower if he walks past and now his friends are telling him I'm a paedophile which is incredibly upsetting. I don't seek him out, my son feels comfortable enough to not feel the need to cover up. I've always said to him (regarding my own predisposition to wander around naked when getting dressed/pre-shower etc or sleeping naked) that if it makes him feel uncomfortable I should stop immediately. Honestly, I've grown up with far fewer body hangups than my peers who never saw their parents naked.

And why the bloody hell if it makes you so uncomfortable, cant you just say something? You've a tongue in your head haven't you?

OutForBreakfast · 26/01/2023 19:20

But she is nit a guest. She is family. This is not a random woman but a very close member of your family. She gave birth to your husband.

Seahorsemama · 26/01/2023 19:23

Buy her a nice long Victorian granny type nightdress - or 7

lizwha · 26/01/2023 19:26

It would bother me. Yes, I

lizwha · 26/01/2023 19:28

...would suggest a dressing gown or ask your husband to suggest this. It's your home, your rules.

erikbloodaxe · 26/01/2023 19:28

My MIL once appeared naked in the living room (where my 3DCs were) to inform me she'd just shat on the cream carpet in the bedroom. Can't get worked up about someone with clothes on after that. God I'm having flashbacks of the grey minge Shock

TheOrigRights · 26/01/2023 19:31

erikbloodaxe · 26/01/2023 19:28

My MIL once appeared naked in the living room (where my 3DCs were) to inform me she'd just shat on the cream carpet in the bedroom. Can't get worked up about someone with clothes on after that. God I'm having flashbacks of the grey minge Shock

How would you feel if the same thing happened to you and someone wrote about it on social media? I hope you showed more compassion at the time.

KatysMumJen · 26/01/2023 19:32

The prudishness in this thread about the human body is wild.
This is one of the reasons body issues / insecurities are so prevalent.

marrymeadam · 26/01/2023 19:35

We were once staying with MIL and so were SIL and her soon to be husband and my MIL was walking around with a pj top and pants on. Exactly the same, top skimming the top of her pants. Making everyone bacon sandwiches. Put me right off. So rank and embarrassing. I don't miss that nasty woman

NerdyBird1 · 26/01/2023 19:44

KatysMumJen · 26/01/2023 19:32

The prudishness in this thread about the human body is wild.
This is one of the reasons body issues / insecurities are so prevalent.

No it's not.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 26/01/2023 19:47

YANBU but I think I’d see the funny side of this. Are you by any chance fat and she’s thin? Just wondering if she’s fat shaming you as this is the sort of stroke my mil would pull. Just try to see the funny side and buy her some knee length bloomers for her bd.

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