To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

[BillHadersNewWife]

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

I’m 68 and very liberal about clothing. I actually dislike the feeling of clothes and spend most of my time at home in knickers and a vest - often nothing at all in Summer 😊. My friends say that I will end up being the old lady wandering naked down the High St 🙄.

However, even I wouldn’t dream of doing that in someone else’s house. I wouldn’t go as far as wearing pyjama bottoms but would definitely wear a robe when leaving my room - maybe buy her a nice one and tell her it’s for her to slip on when walking around the house at night, that’d work for me 💐

Ask your DH to say something - either Pyjama shorts or long nightie or a dressing gown all ok. Knickers are not.

I'd be more concerned about her selling her house before she gets a new one and living with you. I'd say something if it bothers you

You could say you're concerned she has started wandering around in her underwear and she didn't use to do that and could she please put a dressing gown on if wandering around your house.

Without a Bra! Oh No! how could she !

Buy her a really pretty long cosy nightie.

You can get just above the knee nighties too. I’ve never worn a nighty further than my knees. She’s wearing knickers and the nighty comes down to cover everything. My mum wears them.
I don’t see the issue and personally I think it sounds prude and I expect her reaction would be the same.
Also I think it’s pretty horrid of people who are voicing disgust. “I wouldn’t want to see that” - what, a woman wearing more than if she was wearing shorts and a vest top?
Poor lady x

I sleep naked and live alone. When my daughter and son in law stayed for a month I was petrified I’d forget to cover up when I left my bedroom for something. I completely agree that your MIL is being quite disinhibited. Is there anything else about her behaviour (or personality) that seems off? Even slightly? I say this because my partner had dementia and it’s not always about memory loss. His personality changed completely.

I think you may have a bigger problem. How many people will rent to a 75 year old. I rent a few houses out and I wouldn't. I want long term

If she's wearing regular knickers covering front and back and a top that's not see-through I don'see the problem. Yes you van see her (in the hallway?) of your appartment but she's not sitting with you in the kitchen in that attire I presume? In my house we do the same for nightly bathroom visits. If and when we want to sit down and watch tele, or have breakfast, we wear a bathrobe.

Buy a dressing gown for her?

It doesn't matter what others do, it's what works for you that counts. Buy her a dressing gown and if she asks just politely it's for her modesty.

The fact that she had not done this before is something to be aware of is there any other new behaviours

I'm 78 and certainly wouldn't waltz around in t-shirt and knickers in my own flat never mind in someone's house, especially family. Like you, I'd be embarrassed if that had happened when my MiL was alive.
I wear sleep shorts from M&S which come halfway down my thighs and a cami or t-shirt in summer, PJs in really cold weather. I would ask your OH to have a little chat with her or you could casually suggest she wear something more discreet, at a time when OH isn't there, over a cup of coffee perhaps. I'd be quite embarrassed. Good luck. 🤭

I’m with you. Couldn’t cope with seeing my MiL walking round in her pants. That would firmly cross a line with me!

I think it does mean something if mil has never done this in 20 years.

Just had this in the last year of my mother’s life, and it did disturb me. There was definite disinhibition, not Alzheimer’s related. It was soooo confusing for me. I didn’t feel I could say anything. Some of it was due to having such high care needs, so maybe she became less private about her body for that reason. But that doesn’t explain all of it, it came out in speech and phone convos as well

It was mortifying actually, and this had nothing to do with whether I’m a prude or not, more the fact that I knew my mother well!

Tbh OP, I’d question this behaviour if you’ve not seen it in mil before in the 20 years you’ve known her - aside from the temporary reactions your having, it could actually mean something important from a medical point of view

Very impolite. Guests should be decent.

(I'm a bit torn about women having no bra on if they do still have clothes on, depends whether the lack of bra means they're no longer decent).

Oh bless her! If she's got it-flaunt it I say! But on the flip side, maybe a gentle chat from your DH is in order. Should come from him if it's a problem. She might take it better and saves you feeling awkward. But you got to love her! X

Why should OP buy her a dressing gown? She can buy her own or wear pj bottoms when she gets up.

"what, a woman wearing more than if she was wearing shorts and a vest top?"

It's less, not more. Knickers is less than shorts.

Exactly. Or a FIL in nothing but boxer shorts, because they’re not that different to swimming trunks?
OP, my MIL does it too and I‘m not a huge fan either.

"didn’t give a toss about walking from bathroom to bedroom in just her vest!"

That's a bit different though, possibly just a quick wal, not hanging out in the kitchen.

Sorry but no this is not ok. I wouldn’t want it either regardless of whether it was my mum mil or sisters or my dad walking about like that. Hubby is fine but even then he’d cover up.
i would expect DH to have a polite sensitive word though, maybe suggest a dressing gown - he could always play the son card and say he finds it a little weird

Disinhibition is something which needs looking into. I have cared for someone who pulled her skirt up and started fiddling with her underwear in her doctor's busy waiting-room (pre Covid) She got quite angry when I tried to make her decent again.
Your MiL may have the beginnings of a form of dementia as not all people exhibit the same signs.