DH being weird

[JelloHorse]

My DH an I are in about £20,000 worth of debt between various credit cards and loans.

We met when we were 18/19 and were both quite irresponsible with money. Unfortunately this has chased us into our early 30's. We've also had many family bereavements and situations which we've had to fork out for.

I'm self employed and unfortunately wasted my degree in order to help him out in his business. I now have zero relevant skills for the modern workplace. I teach Japanese online and make around £1500 per month (my mum was Japanese.) I was brought up in England and I'm bilingual. I don't know if any of this matters but I'm just trying to give the full story.

I spoke to a debt charity today (stepchange) about consolidating my debt into a monthly payment.

My DH went crazy, talking about things that could affect us from the previous business, well be chased by creditors etc, we'll never be able to live in America (we've never even been to the US or considered living there).

He apparently has some cryptocurrencies that he can't touch for 18 months. But, as soon as the 18 months are over everything will be fine and I don't have to worry.

I'm not an idiot, but I don't really know much about crypto. He's now stormed off to bed and told me I'm an idiot.

Crypto is a scam and his reaction is odd. Best get your ducks in a row op

I think my DH may have been scammed or got himself into a bad situation.

are you sure he hasn't ranked anymore up?

Not a normal reaction so somethings going on

That’s someone in denial. He either isn’t ready to face up to it or something has/is going down with crypto (the value probably).

You are doing the sensible thing to get advice. Good luck.

I really need help. Everything I say he has an answer to.

I am not sure what you mean by this? Sorry 😞

I think @Raindropsdrop means Are you sure that your partner hasn't racked up any more debt?

I bet he’s got a lot more debt.

Yes. I am not sure he hasn't any more debt.

We have "enough" money on a monthly basis. However, I am trying to pay off all this debt.

Well he doesn’t have an answer does he as he’s not showing you paperwork evidencing current debts and any assets.

I’m not an expert but I only thought declaring bankruptcy was problematic for 6-7 years. Consolidating debts isn’t quite the same?

Have you done a credit check?

He said if I get any financial help it will equate to bankruptcy.

Sadly, I think your DH is still not responsible with money while you have matured. You did the right thing contacting Step Change. You can easily clear £20k and you are years away from even thinking about living in the US anyway.

However, I don’t understand why you think you have wasted your degree and have no skills when you are in your early 30s? You are still quite young. Many women are going back into the workplace in their 40s after years and years of not working at all, which much older degrees than yours.

In short, you have plenty of time to find an entry level job related to your degree and start a career. You’re holding yourself back.

I have on myself. It's not very good :(

step change is a wise decision- waiting for crypto to materialise is not - my husband also invests in this and it goes up and down ( it’s like the stock market, similar to gambling and no guarantees) you any rely on crypto for this amount of debt unfortunately.

cryptocurrrency very rarely works out, and is often the form that gambling addiction takes

Well that’s not true, bankruptcy is not paying the debt back and can have consequences for a number of years on future credit. Debt consolidation is something different and I’m sure StepChange will advise.

DH doesn’t get to call all the shots on this and you need to stand up to him. You are financially connected (in lots of ways) so he needs to educate himself and man up.

Yes you are right, my DH told me that anyone who contacts step change will be declared bankrupt for life and will have zero opportunities.

I just want to clear my debts and start afresh. I am not sure if there are any viable work opportunities for me in the UK, but I'd like to try.

Getting help from a debt charity or website will not lead to bankruptcy. There will be other things that they can suggest. When we were in trouble about 15 years ago with credit card debts, they spoke to the card companies and arranged for the debt to be frozen and then a payment plan to pay it off.
He needs to speak to you so you know fully what is happening otherwise you can't help. I hope he sees sense soon and does so

That's correct, it is 6 years from the day you are declared bankrupt that it drops off your credit file. You do however have to have a basic bank account from your date of going bankrupt and you are now t allowed to have further debt until you are discharged and are unable to be a company director during this time period, so that may affect any business you manage.

I went through bankruptcy after my divorce in 2017, I was declared bankrupt inthema, discharged from the debt May 2018 and it will drop off my credit file this May.
I was upgraded to a current account 3 years ago.
I do however have a credit card now that I have had for a year, I use this once a month for a bulk food shop and pay it off in full each month. This helps to build a positive credit file after bankruptcy.

It wont. It will mean your credit score is screwed for few years, but you won’t go bankrupt by just consolidating debt with stepchange.

He made it sound like I'd ruin my life and his :(

If there is an idiot in your relationship its not you

He is spouting utter nonsense and it feels like he would prefer to continue to bury his head in the sand and bet on wild chances rather than approach the situation face on like you are doing

Can I ask, are the debts in joint names or spread equally between you? Because you need to be careful you don't get abandoned with all the debt

Step change will be able to advise you correctly for the most sensible approach, you are absolutely doing the right thing speaking to them. The MSE forums also have a weath of knowledge about the best way out of debt

You are bilingual, degree or no degree you have a very in-demand skill. Start planning and working towards a career and sort your own finances out.