People who never go to work events?

[badhabit]

Do you judge people who never attend work social activities? Whether because they can’t due to other commitments or simply because they don’t want to?

I’ve been working at my job for a long time and I never attend anything. I’ve been invited to events like culture nights, X-mas dos, social events and other activities with the rest of my department and wider company but I never attend. I’m a competitive athlete and have an intense training schedule and simply don’t have the time to go to a bowling night, or cocktail party, or any other event. But even if I did have the time, I don’t think I would want to. It’s just not my thing and I don’t enjoy it. And I don’t see why I should spend my free time doing activities I frankly don’t want to! I sometimes meet up with my friends outside of work but I don’t like corporate or official social events and the majority of my life and friendships outwith work are through sports and training anyway.

I would also never expect anyone to come to any of my events if I were to suggest it as obviously I don’t attend theirs.

I’m known in the office as the one who can never attend but most people are fine with it and understand why. I contribute to every single office communal gift, and I get along really well with everyone and am not anti-social, I just don’t go to the events. Other people are similar although the majority do attend events.

But over the last few years, a few colleagues have passed comments that it’s poor form of me not to bother or at least attend once every so often, and that never attending is anti-social and rude. I’ve been in the company for a long time and I’ve never bothered, but it’s made me wonder now if my judgment is clouded and I am being rude and antisocial.

Is that so bad?

@TheGuv1982

I think it all depends on the culture, and in some respects the industry.

Agreed.

A lot also depends on the frequency of events and other variables.

I think in some industries where you are working in a team environment then perpetually "no showing" not even turning up for a few minutes, even at something very low key, can create an impression that you are not really interested in actually being a part of the team...and that can feedback into the workplace.

Agree with PP, it does depend on industry and also company. I don't always go to events but I do when I think I can build or maintain good working relationships. Also I do really like some of my colleagues so having lunch or dinner with them is enjoyable.

I'd think it was poor form.

In your shoes, I'd at least go for the first hour, once a year, just to show willing and join in what are clearly important company social events.

I don't go to any socials. I'm ND and find them stressful. I've been in the past and just found them really difficult. I made the decision to just not put myself through the stress.

Yep, and I don’t think it’s that uncommon either

Missing the odd few due to commitments is one thing, refusing to go in general to everything is rude and is definitely discussed.

It can also speak to a difference in suitability and fit in terms of the workplace and have had to get rid of people for this before.

I just had my first baby and it’s the first time in my career when I have not been able to socialise with the team. I miss both the relationship building aspect and being able to gather intel/assess the power dynamics in the office. These should not be underestimated if you are serious about your professional success. Thankfully the team now started doing lunchtime events, specifically so I can join in. Perhaps you can ask for during working hours fun as well?

Are all the events outside of working hours? That's also poor form from your workplace.
this^
if work wants to have a team building event they can free up one afternoon and crack on.
Expecting people to go out outside working hours and pay for themselves - not good.
Lots of people have valid reasons for not attending but don’t want to share them with everybody : health, childcare, caring responsibilities, financial pressure, being shy, just not having enough time for everything.

It can also speak to a difference in suitability and fit in terms of the workplace and have had to get rid of people for this before.

Is it in their contract that they have to attend work events?

It's grotesque the amount of control that so many companies think they should have over their employees even outside of working hours. The whole team building concept is corporate wankery and more about presenteeism than actually benefiting anyone.

It doesn’t need to be, do you think people can only be got rid of due to issues cited in their contracts?

it’s not about control, it’s about fit. In many sectors and workplaces refusing to go to all events would indicate a mismatch in terms of fit for the role and the team, which is pretty important.

Thankfully in my 12 years managing departments I’ve only had to do this 3 times but it’s important to remember being anti social can be a red flag to employers

it’s not about control, it’s about fit. In many sectors and workplaces refusing to go to all events would indicate a mismatch in terms of fit for the role and the team, which is pretty important.

Thankfully in my 12 years managing departments I’ve only had to do this 3 times but it’s important to remember being anti social can be a red flag to employers*

So you want corporate drones only then. No individuality allowed. Managers and companies like you and yours are why I'll never work for anyone else again. What a fucked up culture.

Of course, we love individuality

We don’t love anti social hermits

Pretty easy distinction

People don't get to dictate what you do in your own hours. Work gets enough of our lives. We are there more than home!

I do now and then go to the Christmas do and I do sometimes socialise with my colleagues who I view as friends outside of work. My partner never attends any Christmas do. He does get social anxiety and he says some of our colleagues he doesn't want to spend his own time with.

Basically carry on as you were and tell people to mind their own damn business.

Your colleague is wrong. Events arranged for employees are held to serve a purpose for the employer, creating team cohesion, networking opportunities and additional engagement via the inevitable shop talk. If employers want these things they should arrange the events as part of the working day. Your friend is colluding with a culture where people are pressured to benefit the company unpaid and in their own time. Not to mention the disadvantage to people (disproportionately women) with commitments that make this form of being 'a team player' impossible.

This is absolutely ridiculous and way over board. Where do you get off judging people like that? Antisocial hermits? It should be how they perform in their job, not what YOU demand they do in THEIR downtime. Thank god I work for the NHS.

hardly judging, it’s accurate

If you refuse to attend any work social events you are anti social, and for many workplaces this is an issue.

Being able to fit well in a wider team directly impacts how most do their job, so it links up nicely.

Why isn’t it fine to be introverted and anti-social? Genuine question? Why would you want someone at your social event who clearly doesn’t want to be there and is horribly uncomfortable?

Well I tend not to go, because while I'm fine in work and get on well with everyone, at social events I do tend to be the rather boring person that nobody wants to get stuck with. I don't want to be that person either so I don't tend to go. It's not worth the hassle for me and I don't want anyone taking pity on me and trying to include me.

It's funny - I'm not like that around family or friends or even in normal work, but something about work dos does that to me.

If you sack everyone who doesn’t like your work events, you might want to remember that some of the factors that might influence how comfortable someone feels attending a social event are protected characteristics.

Let me change this for you. Unsociable, not anti social. And yes, I am a hermit as it means I can live a life free of stress and anxiety. I do enough for my employer without giving up precious down time. Would you sack me for this? If you would, it'd be classed as discrimination under the equality act.

Who is sacking everyone who doesn’t like anything?

Refusing to go to any event with no reason at all, is definitely an indicator of a poor personality fit within many teams. Also many industries require networking and social ability to be able to succeed in role.

Yes. this.

I am new to my job so I did go to the Xmas do (which was just a meal out and only around 10 of us) to make a good impression and to try and get to know people as we all mostly work remotely.

Fortunately I don't work in the type of industry where work social events are really a thing so I don't have to make that decision outside of Xmas. I do find the older I get though, the less interest I have in going out with a lot of people I don't know very well and also, I live a fair way from where I work so I always end up driving and can't even have a drink.

My ex used to work in a very 'sociable' environment and put himself in the centre of organising it all. It annoyed me how often he would choose to go out with people he worked with every day. Turned out he was having an affair with someone else who was in charge of social events so that was quite handy for him.

Glad I’ve never worked for you. It’s true some types of industry need sociable extroverted types but not wanting to go to out of hours work ‘do’s does not automatically equate to anti social hermits. What industry are you a manager in that not going to do’s is a sackable offence? (I’m assuming media?).

Very true.

It's honestly shameful and very telling that some posters are not only open about treating their employees like shit but actively boasting about doing so.