To ask you if you would perceive what I said as racist.

[Offensiveapprently]

I always belive in giving people complements. There is a woman who is black and works behind the till in Aldi, I see her to pass the time of day occasionally say hi and ask her how she is. Today was with a friend (both of us white if that matters).
The woman working behind the till has had her hair done in lovely braids with wooden beads at the end it's a new hair do. I told her I liked the braids and her beads ( no hair touching or pointing) friend stopped off in the car park and remarked how embarrassed she was at me for being racist and commenting on how nice her hair was. Am I missing something am I now longer able to complement people on their hair. Ready for some home truths if I am wrong.

Oh give over.

So if i plait my hair I should cry racism if someone complements my new look because it’s not in its natural state which might suggest that someone thinks my natural state isn’t good / nice.

WOW

When I did an EDI course for work recently, complimenting hair was highlighted as a micro aggression towards minority groups. I thought it was a bit odd at the time. I suppose it could be perceived that way

I had a man come up to me in morrisons before Christmas and tell me he liked my hair and it made my year.

Unless you followed it up with "so ethnic/cultural/interesting 🤨" then no your friend is being ridiculous. We should all compliment eachother more.

Oh for goodness sake! Of course it isn’t racist.

@Snoken

Nobody compliments my hair when I haven’t straightened it, should I go to HR about this?

The speed at which posters are trying to paint this woman as racist, evil and a bad friend is funny and sad. I don't see any difference between that and the woman telling OP she shouldn't have said what she said.

Can't people catch a break without being called all manner of names? 😳

OP, do you blame your friend for thinking this way when some people have clearly expressed how offended they'd be if someone spoke to them about anything pertaining hair? I don't. She was wrong to think it's racist but her reasoning isn't far-fetched, just overly cautious and misguided.

I'd continue giving people genuine compliments and let those who get offended, do so but I wouldn't blame anyone who decided not to.

People are bonkers, from both sides.

No. Not racist at all.

My step children children are black although I'm white. I've been heavily involved in raising them.

They spend a LOT of time and money on their hair as they want it to look a certain way. So why on earth would they be offended if someone complimented them on it?

There was a black girl in my class a couple of years ago and she came in one Monday with the most beautiful braids. She was pleased as punch with them and I certainly complimented her. Maybe she would have felt be if I'd have ignored her.

that's what you say when someone you see regularly has changed their hair.

This, exactly. It might be slightly more unusual to run up to someone you'd never met and gush about their hair, but someone you see often/know to say hello to, who gets a new hairdo, it's normal to say it looks nice and show you noticed.

I'm the same. I often compliment people (strangers) on their hair clothes etc. I would have said the same as you - to me it's away of lifting someone's day. They might need a lift, they might not, but it certainly makes them feel better.

The response has always been "Thank you!" and a smile. Sometimes someone has said something like "I wasn't sure if I suited this hair/ dress - thank you"

Nobody has ever taken offence. And I have never taken offence when a woman I don't know has complimented me.

If you said that to me ( black woman locced hair) I'd shake my head about and be absolutely chuffed to bits 😊

Jeezo
I would always compliment any friends/ family /colleagues if they done something nice with their hair
Your friend sounds like a nightmare and a paranoid one at that

Say what now?

Explain how making a compliment is a micro aggression.

Damn right you should!

They are being tonsorialist !!! Trichophobic bar-stewards!

There is also a chance that cashier felt belittled by being recognised because her hair now suited the OPs taste and conformed to western ideals, but due to her role she could not speak up.

What rubbish! Some styles suit people better than others. And any new hairstyle on anyone is likely to cause compliments - surely we all like to make people feel particularly good about themselves.

If I'd got a hairstyle I was pleased with, it would thrill me to get compliments on it. It does't mean that my hair was awful before - just that the new style looks as good as I hoped. (And if I'm not sure about a new style it's reassurance that it suits me.)

TBH, if people I encountered frequently didn't comment on my new hairstyle, I'd be worried that it looked awful.

Friend rang me and apologised for stopping off she said she has done a course at work and it is a micro-aggression to complement hair. Apparently people who have done courses at work are the authority on such things. I did tell her that it isn't for her to decide on what is offensive and what isn't.
I feel really sad that it could be seen this way though don't want the woman in Aldi too home feeling like she has been racially abused.

There is also a chance that cashier felt belittled by being recognised because her hair now suited the OPs taste and conformed to western ideals, but due to her role she could not speak up.

Oh yeah. Thats bound to be it 🤨

My friend came to work today with braids and their hair looked amazing, I hardly recognised them! I complimented them and said how great they looked. Did not think for one minute it was racist

Similarly, I got complimented on my hair just before Christmas by a random guy at work cos I had coloured it differently. Did not take offence.

I’ve also heard compliments of this nature being described as a micro-aggression on a work-related course. It made sense at the time but can’t recall the details now annoyingly.

Tell her these types of courses are virtue signalling box ticking exercises and in the real world their message is utter bollocks. As most people on this thread are confirming for you.

The kind of person that would call what the op did a ‘micro aggression’, is probably the sort of person who agrees with this racist.

Yes but where are yours beads really from?