To ask you if you would perceive what I said as racist.

[Offensiveapprently]

I always belive in giving people complements. There is a woman who is black and works behind the till in Aldi, I see her to pass the time of day occasionally say hi and ask her how she is. Today was with a friend (both of us white if that matters).
The woman working behind the till has had her hair done in lovely braids with wooden beads at the end it's a new hair do. I told her I liked the braids and her beads ( no hair touching or pointing) friend stopped off in the car park and remarked how embarrassed she was at me for being racist and commenting on how nice her hair was. Am I missing something am I now longer able to complement people on their hair. Ready for some home truths if I am wrong.

Well said!

And it is not respectful to assume that people will not be able to accept either a compliment or a criticism because of their skin colour. This is infantilising intelligent and able adults (or if they are children, teaching them to be perpetually offended as a response to anything they don't want to hear, even when the comment is a positive one, or is a justified criticism and for their own benefit).

It's great having white allies that won't tolerate racism, but guys please, lets not go overboard with it - it's perfectly fine to compliment us on our hair, nails, voices, whatever, just like you would to your white counterparts! If you think you're in danger of asking/saying something racist, then ask a black friend for assurance. If you don't have one, then ask black people on the internet.

If you don't have one, then ask black people on the internet.

Oh god no. Don’t do that. Real life fine but avoid asking on the internet!

CRT has lead to some really scary and insane internet batshittery. No one I know thinks/talks like that in real life.

My friend sent me a link to this video, because she had found her son watching it and agreeing with it. She was really worried he had been turned into a racist by the internet.

I watched it, and assured her that he wasn’t. I found those TikTok videos very disturbing.

And if you watch the people from 3 minutes onward…it’s horrific. Racism is being encouraged on the internet.

Bibbeti I just watched that. And yes, the people 3 minutes on are horrific.

What a bunch of morons

I'm a black woman with an Afro, my hair looks terrible and I know it does so yes I'd be offended if I got braids to hide it and someone who had never said it looked nice before suddenly thought that was an improvement.

So you did something to make your hair look better for yourself but you are offended because they didn't say it looked nice before when, in your own words, it looked terrible? Bizarre chain of thought.

None of my friends compliment my scraggy old lady grey hair, but I'm pretty sure if I dyed it and got a great cut they'd be like 'oh no kids your hair looks sooo fab', and I'd be happy that they even noticed 😁

@AxisOfEviI @Hellsmovie yep.

The one that sent chills down my spine was with the woman talking in an hopeful way about white genocide and that there would then be no ‘blonde blue-eyed brats left’.

I actively campaign against racism, and to see something like this that advocates seeing ANY race of people as other/evil/less than, purely based on their skin colour, is repugnant.

Hopefully society will start drifting back to the more hopeful days where we were making progress. I agree with someone above that it felt better in the 80’s/90’s.

It would be seeing it through very rose tinted glasses to deny there wasn’t still plenty of ‘old-fashioned’ actual racism, but it really did feel like we were all moving forward together.

CRT is just divisive and backwards.

Apparently it is wrong today to make any kind of comment about a woman's appearance.

Bibbeti I agree.

@OneTC yes you are right, absolutely no I'll intention at all, it's just interesting isn't how other people see things as an insult and others take it as intentioned.

I suppose it could be taken as highlighting difference in a negative way.
I didn’t write the course and I don’t necessarily agree with it. I was just sharing why the Op’s friend might have said it which is clearly right given the IP’s update. Friend must have done the same course as me.

She didn’t treat her differently because she was black. She treated her differently because she was scared of being perceived as racist. Two totally different things.

Can you not see the difference in the way something is perceived as opposed to how it was meant ? To assume that someone means offence when they are giving a compliment is another assault on free speech.

I do hope, that as a teacher you are more evolved than you come across here. My son has endless comments about his hair from teachers (including demands to touch it!!!) and it is grating. I think it is hard for white people to understand (I am white too). But at times, these comments only reinforcing the 'othering'. The way it is said, the value judgement that is passed is troubling.

There really is no harm at all in educating yourself about how things are perceived. Surely?

You’re overthinking this !!

It's no different to noticing a daily person has had their black hair dyed blue or long blonde has been cut pixie style......

Unless you said it in a Bob marley style accent I really don't understand your friend. You made someone smile because you noticed a change in their appearance, it had nothing to do with the colour of their skin 🙄

Black woman here, just my opinion. You didn't touch so doesn't sound racist to me. As a person who went to school with all white children with all white teachers, my hair was constantly touched, stroked, head patted, skin stroked, you name it. Always without asking. Made me feel like some kind of pet.
You are explaining a compliment, nothing like above. I think your friend has misinterpreted what micro-aggressions are

How is it right to give more consideration to paying a compliment to a black person, that you would have no hesitation in giving to someone white ? If it’s meant as a compliment, you have no control how it’s perceived, whatever the colour, race or creed of the recipient.

^This.

And now I'm down a rabbit hole on "micro aggression" on Google!

Oh I can understand this, if I were black and people were always going "I love your (black person) hair" I imagine I'd find that a bit patronising / objectifying / isolating?

As a Chinese person, there was this woman at work who would always give me physical race-based "compliments" (which made me go ??? and also feel humiliated in public) - and in a loud condescending/patronising tone as well, as if I was some mentally deficient child.

But in this case she had a new hairstyle – which you were sweet enough to notice! It was obviously a real compliment with an actual reason behind it, and the cashier was pleased as well! Please don't feel bad at all. It was a nice and real compliment.

Oh and just to show I wasn't being oversensitive - she'd loudly proclaim wtf-worthy stuff out of nowhere, like "I looove your almond-shaped eyes!" or "what beautiful olive skin you have!" (I have nothing against almond-shaped eyes at all, but my eyes are very much not almond-shaped LOL, more droopy raisin)

This was a lot more acceptable back then – if I'd complained they'd have said it was just a compliment – but I think these days would be considered a "micro-aggression". But OP your comment was nothing of the sort.

Just wanted to say to the people who “don’t need” diversity/cultural awareness training - as a cancer nurse I remember when it was decreed that all members of the multi-disciplinary team over a certain grade had to do advanced communication skills training, and (of course) the doctors all blustered what a terrible cheek it was, they didn’t get where they were today without knowing everything there was to know about communication - they were (of course) the worst communicators.

I don't really understand your final sentence, but my second paragraph was written sarcastically.

I give pupils praise for great work and being a good friend and being helpful etc. etc. I may also say I like their trainers or their hairstyle or their new lunchbox. No matter who they are.

I would never demand to touch a child's hair and I don't make a massive thing about a new hairstyle each and every time. But I do give compliments.

Hopefully that's more "evolved".