To ask you if you would perceive what I said as racist.

[Offensiveapprently]

I always belive in giving people complements. There is a woman who is black and works behind the till in Aldi, I see her to pass the time of day occasionally say hi and ask her how she is. Today was with a friend (both of us white if that matters).
The woman working behind the till has had her hair done in lovely braids with wooden beads at the end it's a new hair do. I told her I liked the braids and her beads ( no hair touching or pointing) friend stopped off in the car park and remarked how embarrassed she was at me for being racist and commenting on how nice her hair was. Am I missing something am I now longer able to complement people on their hair. Ready for some home truths if I am wrong.

Your friend is being a special snowflake.

👏👏👏👏👏 Well said

amazingG
my natural hair has grey in it now -I colour it and if I get a compliment -well great bring it on

Sounds like a typical workplace course, let's tick the right number of boxes in accordance with the 'aims' of the course, suffered on many.

I've just had my straggly hair cut etc today, someone commented on it while I was out and about. Can I think of something to complain about?

This is exactly the problem and why hair in particular is such a sensitive subject for black women. There is an expectation that in order for black women to look professional or presentable they cannot wear their hair naturally, unless they are a jazz singer or something. It can absolutely not be compared to white women with thinning or frizzy hair because white women haven’t faced nearly as much oppression historically and presently and it has never been about white women’s hair.

I obviously don’t think OP was intending to be racist, and chances are that the cashier didn’t take it that way either. There is also a chance that cashier felt belittled by being recognised because her hair now suited the OPs taste and conformed to western ideals, but due to her role she could not speak up.

If we are constantly too scared to make a perfectly normal comment/ complement to someone of a different colour then we ll all be walking around on egg shells
I have 3 black cousins, I am so so envious of their beautiful complexions and hair. I always comment on their new styles and never has anyone said it’s inappropriate. Their mother is white btw, she’d tell me if she thought it was.
@Wakemeuuuup did you DH ask if that consensus of opinion came from black people….because it’s utter nonsense.

The problem isn’t comment on the hair, the problem is complementing on the hair when it’s not in its natural state (braided, relaxed), but not when its natural. Especially in the workplace, because it reinforces that their natural hair isn’t good/nice enough as it is.

Agreed, there seems to be one or two of these a week.

It was a black woman who said it. Obviously as a white (bald) man he didn't question her

Why would you be offended if someone made a generic compliment based on something you have changed and therefore is noticeable?

I work in retail and had baratric surgery last year, I'm now 9st lighter. At New Year I had a drastic haircut due to it falling out from the surgery (went from hair down to my bum to a pixie cut) ... So many people have given me compliments about my new figure and new hairstyle.

I take it as intended, a compliment on a massive visual difference to my appearance - they're not saying the old appearance was bad, just that they like the new one.

Your friend is just another woke woman with a White Saviour Complex getting offended on someone else's behalf, which is both condescending and pathetic. She is not your "friend" either - calling you a racist to try and score points - Bin her off and get authentic friends.

That's ridiculous. Most women don't have 'natural hair'. Most women do 'something' to their hair whether that be colour, straightening, curling etc. Most women don't like their hair in it's natural state, they don't like the texture, waves, frizz, colour.

This.

I do, if I see someone who I know is tanned I will comment on it saying they look sun-kissed or where have ya been ya have a nice tan

I'm a black woman with an Afro, my hair looks terrible and I know it does so yes I'd be offended if I got braids to hide it and someone who had never said it looked nice before suddenly thought that was an improvement.

So am I, and you, too, are bonkers!

I’m disabled and the same thing happens to me. Not allowed to have a sense of humour about my disability and expected to be offended as appropriate if someone makes an insensitive remark. If I took any notice of them I’d never get out of bed in the morning !!

I feel like more often than not it's a white person taking offence and making an issue out of nothing on behalf of a minority. I think maybe they feel empowered by it like some kind of Saint.

It can absolutely not be compared to white women with thinning or frizzy hair because white women haven’t faced nearly as much oppression historically and presently and it has never been about white women’s hair.

what ????!!!!!

White women don’t have to deal with the level of oppression that black women face. There is just no way you can compare white women and black women in this field. If you can’t see that then you really need to read up on history and postcolonial feminism.

You can’t compare you curling your hair to look pretty with black women having to go through torturous methods to straighten or braid their hair or hide under wigs in order to get a job or be taken seriously in a workplace. It’s really ignorant to even contemplate that thise things are in any way comparable.

My black friend has the most beautiful hands and gorgeous shaped nails - they look fabulous whether polished or worn naturally. Should I not compliment her on them for fear of being thought of as racist ?

Nope. Not buying into this. Virtue signalling.

I think it would have been racist if you hadn't complimented a woman when you usually would have, just because she is black.

There is a cashier at my local shop who changed her hair colour and permed it. I told her it was lovely, because that's what you say when someone you see regularly has changed their hair.

If I then didn't compliment the black cashier on his changed hair style, ONLY because he was black, then isn't that racist?

I think anyone crying white oppression at this scenario maybe needs to be a lot less sensitive. This clearly is NOT the same scenario as running up to black women/girls you've never met before and grabbing their hair (and I have had this happen), something the majority would never do to a white woman.

Seemingly not only that judging by the rage here.

But braids are part of the tradition and culture of many African ethnicities that predate any white people appearing in Africa…so I disagree with you that braids are “torturous methods” done to appease the white oppressor and “get a job.”

Especially since the OP mentioned that the braids had wooden beads at the ends, that’s not a European style of braiding she’s describing at all.