To ask you if you would perceive what I said as racist.

[Offensiveapprently]

I always belive in giving people complements. There is a woman who is black and works behind the till in Aldi, I see her to pass the time of day occasionally say hi and ask her how she is. Today was with a friend (both of us white if that matters).
The woman working behind the till has had her hair done in lovely braids with wooden beads at the end it's a new hair do. I told her I liked the braids and her beads ( no hair touching or pointing) friend stopped off in the car park and remarked how embarrassed she was at me for being racist and commenting on how nice her hair was. Am I missing something am I now longer able to complement people on their hair. Ready for some home truths if I am wrong.

Your friend is a virtue signalling twat. Bin her off.

Not racist as far as I can see.

I often compliment black friends or family on their hair (I mean a normal amount, the same as with white, Asian etc friends and family), no one has ever complained.

I'm white with bloody awful, frizzy, ginger hair.

Wouldn't cross my mind to be offended to get a compliment if I'd styled it.

Same. I change my hair every 6-8 weeks and get compliments. It’s been about every colour except blond, braids, locs, straight, curly, ombré, two toned, three toned, etc. I see no issue with it as long as they don’t start touching my hair which I find very annoying and offensive because I doubt they would like it if I did the same and I also don’t like being touched by people unless necessary.

OP’s friend is definitely overthinking it.

Your friend is nuts. You were passing a compliment, or is your friend being racist and saying you can only compliment white people?

I think that's too much of a stretch.

The woman was wearing an Aldi uniform. Not much scope for compliments on clothes, jewellery really.

Do you think perhaps you have low self esteem?
And actually white women are definitely pressured to look more brown and a tan is usually commented on especially if the person was pasty before.

You know damn well it wasn’t racist (if it happened). It’s just another dog-whistle post to get everyone frothing.

OP said she didn’t touch her hair, just commented on how nice it looked. The friend sounds batshit. Won’t be long before you can’t look someone in the eye in this country without being accused of being racist or phobic !!

Did you ask your friend to clarify exactly what she thought was racist about the comment?

This would be my assumption too - your friend didn't realise you have a passing acquaintance with the checkout lady and we're complimenting a specific change in hairstyle.

How sad that you would be annoyed someone complimented you

Not racist.

Reminds me of the people who say "black" in a sentence such as "The black football player" in the same awkward way they might say "down below" when talking about their vagina.

Being black isn't bad, it's not an insult to call someone black, and speaking positively to someone about their hairstyle is never offensive. 🙄

Your friend’s confusion is her problem and not yours.

you complimented her on her hair, not racist at all. Unfortunately your friend is part of the problem of people being offended by anything and proves what a crazy world we live in

I'd steer very clear of any personal comments tbh the times have changed and people take offence at almost everything these days .

I'm white so I'm very prepared to be corrected on this, but I really think what you said was absolutely fine... Especially given that the person you complimented is someone you regularly speak to.

This is not an exclusively black thing though is it ? The OP didn’t comment that it was an improvement - couched in those terms it would be offensive whatever your race or colour. But she didn’t - she said she liked the braids and the beads. What’s wrong with that ?

There is a woman near where I take my daughter to get her hair cut who always has different colours braided in her hair and my DD age 6 always runs up to her to say how beautiful it is. One week it was rainbow and I was on my own and I stopped to tell her how wonderful it looked. She said it made her day when my daughter comes up. A compliment is a compliment. Your friend is OTT

You seem nice.

I am a white woman with thinning hair... and it looks shit. If I had extensions put in, or had it cut into a style that compliments me, would it then be terrible for someone to give me a complement?
I would be over the fucking moon.

Is she really a friend to say something like that to you, that has made you doubt yourself? Perfectly nice comment to make to someone OP, it’s a compliment, definitely not racist.

Well I'd see it as they could have said I like you're necklace, perfume, boots, but why something so personal. Its like saying you look a bit more normal now, if a white woman lies in the sun all day I don't say how nice you look now you're more brown.

the context is OP briefly met this woman whilst being helped by her at Aldi”s tills before. It’s unlikely OP was able to see the footwear choice if the lady was sat down at the till. It’s possible the lady wasn’t wearing strong enough perfume for OP to notice.

It’s possible the lady was wearing an Aldi uniform so did not otherwise look noticeably different from the last time they spoke. Whereas the hairstyle was new. Hence why it was complimented over anything else as it was a noticeable change. It isn’t necessarily personal.

I think some will be offended and some will not so best not to say it.

a friend of mine’s partner said that she perceives any compliment paid to her on her appearance by a white woman as a micro aggression. Judging by MN she’s not the only one.