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AIBU?

Are you a Borrower and if you are why?

325 replies

coodawoodashooda · 24/01/2023 07:05

With the caravan borrower thread in mind, and my neighbour, why are some people so good at borrowing and asking for favours? I would always rather go without or save up until I could get whatever myself. My neighbour has terrible form for running out of main ingredients for the meals she's cooking or being short on childcare. I personally find being in someone else's personal space quite unrelaxing. If you Borrow how do you manage this without feeling embarrassed or awkward? It absolutely baffles me.

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notacooldad · 24/01/2023 07:07

No om not a borrower.
Neither are any of my friends and family. I cant remember the last thing I borrowed or lent.

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Ciri · 24/01/2023 07:10

Only for something I know won’t inconvenience the other person and would cost me a lot/be a waste for single use.

for example I needed a trolley to move a very large item. It was a one off, best friend had one. I borrowed it for an afternoon rather than buy or hire one

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coodawoodashooda · 24/01/2023 07:10

notacooldad · 24/01/2023 07:07

No om not a borrower.
Neither are any of my friends and family. I cant remember the last thing I borrowed or lent.

My immediate family is similar. I just can't imagine knocking on my neighbours door to ask for a teaspoon of coffee or sending a text asking if they had any ready salted crisps. It absolutely baffles me.

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pompomdaisy · 24/01/2023 07:10

We have a street WhatsApp group and we all borrow and lend all the time. However we would never present on someone's doorstep. It's more 'has anyone got a xxx I could borrow to do this job?' Then someone will reply. They usually always do and it's different people all the time.

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ladymacbeth · 24/01/2023 07:13

I wouldn't say I'm a borrower but I also live in a very unmumsnetty world where people do each other favours, lend things, pay for things, don't go no contact and generally just get on. So I'd not think twice about lending a a caravan to family!

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coodawoodashooda · 24/01/2023 07:13

pompomdaisy · 24/01/2023 07:10

We have a street WhatsApp group and we all borrow and lend all the time. However we would never present on someone's doorstep. It's more 'has anyone got a xxx I could borrow to do this job?' Then someone will reply. They usually always do and it's different people all the time.

I guess that has the potential to be nice but I'd expect there was always a cf in the wings waiting to monopolise the situation.

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icelolly12 · 24/01/2023 07:13

No. It also amazes me on Facebook community groups how people ask "anyone got a free toaster, kettle, oven and washing machine going spare as I've just moved?" without so much as a please or thank you! Seems so entitled.

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SavoirFlair · 24/01/2023 07:13

nah this post isn’t quite right @coodawoodashooda

I’m not sure I would equate asking a friend for childcare, with borrowing a physical item that you cannot afford to own yourself or have been too careless to buy in advance of a time if need.

My youngest child has a life limiting illness. I’ve been so reliant on friends and family giving some time here and there to cover appointments. I don’t consider that “borrowing” - they know I can’t reciprocate any time soon.

Thankfully we don’t share this weird British mentality that peers into every aspect of life and examines it to see if someone is being “cheeky”.

When it comes to physical goods (caravans, food stuffs, etc) yeah I don’t tend to lend or borrow - but I’m lucky in that everyone seems to be well resourced, not everyone is this fortunate, for the grace of God etc.

I just think this “CF hunting” on here actually reveals a craven, very small minded set of attitudes amongst the OPs.

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SavoirFlair · 24/01/2023 07:16

pompomdaisy · 24/01/2023 07:10

We have a street WhatsApp group and we all borrow and lend all the time. However we would never present on someone's doorstep. It's more 'has anyone got a xxx I could borrow to do this job?' Then someone will reply. They usually always do and it's different people all the time.

We have exactly the same in the close I’m in.

No one is put out. My friend has two garages worth of high specification tools - he positively beams if someone asks on the group if a person has a jigsaw, or a lathe, or anything specific. He even machined some screws for a neighbour to fit a particular installation.

Meanwhile due to my line of work we have tons of computer equipment here, and I may have lost track of one or two USBs and so on. It’s fine - it’s normal.

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icelollycraving · 24/01/2023 07:22

No I don’t. I have lent out my carpet cleaner though. Beyond that, no. I do get asked for mine and dh’s staff discount though.
My sister is one of those who will message asking for ingredients etc, the co op is an equal distance but is not free. She uses my discount frequently. Any favour she does me is always expected back tenfold do I don’t ask. She has done some big favours before though. Any bottle of wine or champagne taken as a contribution is whisked off to the garage and never seen again. I am not as generous with her anymore.

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pompomdaisy · 24/01/2023 07:24

@coodawoodashooda no it's been that way for years and good will - it spreads. So last year we had a street festival together.

I feel sad that you see the world like this.

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LaurelGrove · 24/01/2023 07:26

I lend and borrow things all the time via our street WhatsApp group. Most recently someone borrowed my stepladder. My neighbours regularly borrow my car. Why not? Otherwise these things just sit unused.

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LaurelGrove · 24/01/2023 07:28

Oh, just remembered - a colleague borrowed our tent late last summer and I am going to borrow a friend's ice cream maker shortly. And last night some neighbours borrowed (well, took as I would not expect it back) an egg.

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WandaWonder · 24/01/2023 07:29

ladymacbeth · 24/01/2023 07:13

I wouldn't say I'm a borrower but I also live in a very unmumsnetty world where people do each other favours, lend things, pay for things, don't go no contact and generally just get on. So I'd not think twice about lending a a caravan to family!

Same really

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iwishiwereafirefly · 24/01/2023 07:30

ladymacbeth · 24/01/2023 07:13

I wouldn't say I'm a borrower but I also live in a very unmumsnetty world where people do each other favours, lend things, pay for things, don't go no contact and generally just get on. So I'd not think twice about lending a a caravan to family!

Yes @ladymacbeth, think I'm the same. I'm not really a borrower but I tend to think of my stuff as not 'mine'. If I'm lucky enough to have it and I'm not using it, then others (who will take care of it) are welcome to borrow.

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VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 24/01/2023 07:33

I’ve a friend whose a borrower.
I don’t mind. But I’ve not had one thing back.
im in the bottom earners she is in the top 1% Blush

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mac1974 · 24/01/2023 07:35

Definitely a borrower here recent borrows include tomato sauce for some pasta, chicken wire, eggs, wrapping paper I'm also a lender....dog crate, cat carrier, eggs. Really doesn't bother me helping people out as the favour gets returned. Why wouldn't you ask for help?

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Lucylock · 24/01/2023 07:38

We have a neighbour WhatsApp group and regularly share items.

I generally don't like asking favours of people as I have a bit of thing about not inconveniencing people. I don't mind doing favours for people, but I'm careful that it's not for people who take the pee. There's always one.

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Sukisal · 24/01/2023 07:38

@ladymacbeth same here.

I’m currently lending out our chain harrows and three dog crates, and I’ve just borrowed a set of laser levels.

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AWaferThinMint · 24/01/2023 07:40

We live in a small hamlet. We all borrow from and lend to each other

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MisgenderedSwan · 24/01/2023 07:40

My friend and I will regularly make each other a hot drink in a travel cup for school run. We have 4 well behaved children between us who all get on and all go to the same school and clubs so we treat the children as a shared group when it comes to getting them places!

I would borrow tools etc and where I live people are happy to share. In return my dh would always be happy to help a neighbour with a job and I have baby sat/dog walked for the neighbours before.

Aren't you just describing a community? If next door told me they had run out of tea bags / bread / eggs I'd be happy to help them out.

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SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 24/01/2023 07:40

I don’t get on with my neighbours here but used to occasionally borrow from our old neighbours who were lovely eg a corkscrew, spices for a recipe if I’d run out etc. Will lend but learnt my lesson re money as I haven’t been paid back from over a year ago & could really do with it.

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VicAndBobGoWest · 24/01/2023 07:41

It baffles me too!

I have a friend who is in no way hard-up, but borrows a pie dish every time she wants to make a fish pie (roughly twice a month or more) and who sends a group WhatsApp asking if anyone has a certain type of battery (with pic) as her kitchen clock has stopped… every damn year!

Obviously it’s okay to ask for occasional help if you’re caught off-guard with something, I just don’t know how people who ask for help with every little thing or who won’t cough up to sort themselves out have got this far in life!

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Lolalime · 24/01/2023 07:41

I had a friend like this, borrowed my lawn mower every year claiming she was looking into buying one but hadn’t decided yet, borrowed our ladder, suit for her son and others I can’t even recall. every time we were at a place where you could help yourself to straws, tissues, and sugar at a cafe, she would take handfuls of the stuff.
And she happily told me ‘why should I pay for things if I can get them for free!

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mdinbc · 24/01/2023 07:42

We do within our family. My two grown sons live in the same town, and will borrow ladders, wheelbarrows etc. But that's because they know Dad's got all the good tools! Guess who got a ladder for his birthday (DS).

I do remember being a bit surprised that my SIL would not loan me her canning pot. My DH was not at home, and mine was stored in the attic. I ended up getting the ladder, climbing up at 7 mos preggo to get my pot, then jarring up 20lbs of peaches. Needless to say, I didn't send over a jar of peaches.

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