Are you a Borrower and if you are why?

[coodawoodashooda]

With the caravan borrower thread in mind, and my neighbour, why are some people so good at borrowing and asking for favours? I would always rather go without or save up until I could get whatever myself. My neighbour has terrible form for running out of main ingredients for the meals she's cooking or being short on childcare. I personally find being in someone else's personal space quite unrelaxing. If you Borrow how do you manage this without feeling embarrassed or awkward? It absolutely baffles me.

[Greatly]

@ladymacbeth

I wouldn't say I'm a borrower but I also live in a very unmumsnetty world where people do each other favours, lend things, pay for things, don't go no contact and generally just get on. So I'd not think twice about lending a a caravan to family!

Me too! Glad I'm not alone! This week I've lent ‐ a saddle, a chain saw, a book and pair of ski goggles. And I'm letting them keep the ski goggles 😎

[dicdicnurse]

We have a street WhatsApp that is often used for borrowing! It's lovely! Recently loaned 4 dining room chairs for a Christmas dinner emergency and a lap top charger

[VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji]

@mdinbc

We do within our family. My two grown sons live in the same town, and will borrow ladders, wheelbarrows etc. But that's because they know Dad's got all the good tools! Guess who got a ladder for his birthday (DS).

I do remember being a bit surprised that my SIL would not loan me her canning pot. My DH was not at home, and mine was stored in the attic. I ended up getting the ladder, climbing up at 7 mos preggo to get my pot, then jarring up 20lbs of peaches. Needless to say, I didn't send over a jar of peaches.

Millions of peaches….. peaches for me 🎤

[Siameasy]

I generally don’t but I’m honoured to be able to help someone.
It’s annoying yes if it becomes a regular thing with the same person taking something for granted and you end up feeling used.

[GruzViews]

I'm a borrower, as are my family (never borrow outside of family).

My mum and I will borrow each others clothes/shoes.

I'll borrow my dad's lawnmower and tools.

My brother borrows DH's massage gun.

I borrow my brothers cat carrier when needed.

It's normal in our family. If something I/they'd requested was in use/unavailable then we'd just say, no drama.

[whataboutsecondbreakfast]

@ladymacbeth

I wouldn't say I'm a borrower but I also live in a very unmumsnetty world where people do each other favours, lend things, pay for things, don't go no contact and generally just get on. So I'd not think twice about lending a a caravan to family!

Same here.

A lot of the neighbour/family drama on here totally baffles me as that's just not what my life is like at all

I live in a small town with lots of small villages nearby and everyone is willing to help everyone else and nobody expects payment or a massive congratulations - it's just the nice thing to do 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Greatly]

I think a lot of the drama on here is exaggerated for effect. There a definite ‐ vibe - on here that I never ever see in real life.

[ThomasinaLivesHere]

It’s nice to hear of all the nice neighbour and community groups as MN can be quite negative with the popular posts about CFs.

I live in nice friendly neighbourhood but I don’t like to borrow or lend if I can help it. I borrow and lend within family but that’s it. There’s a supermarket close by so for me it’d seem strange to ask for eggs etc.

[Hoppinggreen]

We have a WhatsApp for our cul de sac and then a FB group for the estate. I tend to mainly use the smaller one if I am asking for a couple of eggs or similar and nobody has taken the P on there at all, in fact we all tend to offer spare stuff.
On the bigger one I think there has only been one CF and he was dealt with pretty swiftly by the admins.
Before asking anything I consider whether I would mind being asked myself and if it’s no then I go ahead. I have borrowed/leant various food items, dishes, jugs, a table, chairs, my car and loads more I have forgotten but we have all lived here a long time and know each other pretty well

[Deliaskis]

We borrow and lend with close friends, family and neighbours, and there is also a village Facebook group where people ask for this kind of thing. I think there is a particular kind of household type item that is never frequently used.... I'm thinking wallpaper stripper, carpet cleaner, car battery charger, that kind of thing. I don't get the point of every single person saving to buy their own, that will all then sit on a shelf for about 3 years between uses. It's a waste of money and natural resources really.

Things that are used regularly, like the PP pie dish example, for sure they should just get their own, but bigger rarely used items it's just wasteful. With people we borrow and lend with, there's a general understanding of 'if you bend it you mend it, if you break it you've bought it', and it has never caused any issues.

I also have no issue with a neighbour knocking on for a cup of milk or whatever.... they're might be one parent alone with two kids and tea is just in the table and taking everyone out to buy milk is just daft. Of course I can help out. I literally don't understand why anyone wouldn't.

I don't get any anyone would be looking for a CF in either scenario.

[MidCenturyChild]

@LaurelGrove

I lend and borrow things all the time via our street WhatsApp group. Most recently someone borrowed my stepladder. My neighbours regularly borrow my car. Why not? Otherwise these things just sit unused.

Ooh I'm glad I saw this.

I recently borrowed my neighbour's very tall ladder for a couple of hours. First time ever in all the years we've been neighbours though.

[coodawoodashooda]

@Deliaskis

We borrow and lend with close friends, family and neighbours, and there is also a village Facebook group where people ask for this kind of thing. I think there is a particular kind of household type item that is never frequently used.... I'm thinking wallpaper stripper, carpet cleaner, car battery charger, that kind of thing. I don't get the point of every single person saving to buy their own, that will all then sit on a shelf for about 3 years between uses. It's a waste of money and natural resources really.

Things that are used regularly, like the PP pie dish example, for sure they should just get their own, but bigger rarely used items it's just wasteful. With people we borrow and lend with, there's a general understanding of 'if you bend it you mend it, if you break it you've bought it', and it has never caused any issues.

I also have no issue with a neighbour knocking on for a cup of milk or whatever.... they're might be one parent alone with two kids and tea is just in the table and taking everyone out to buy milk is just daft. Of course I can help out. I literally don't understand why anyone wouldn't.

I don't get any anyone would be looking for a CF in either scenario.

But that's just it. It's me that's the lone parent. I don't understand why they'd prefer to knock on my door than pop to the shop which is minutes away. Milk isn't a biggie but unreturned calpol is.

[Deliaskis]

Oh and on village Facebook group, there's is a pair of posts every week more or less, where somebody asks 'I'm moving house, does anybody have any large boxes for packing that they don't need?', and usually just an hour or two earlier, someone else has asked 'can anyone use these large boxes before i take them to the tip tomorrow?'. It always makes me happy!

[Beercrispsandnuts]

We will borrow or lend big things like a chain saw or chairs, and we will also help each other out if for example a tree comes down, bins need out or something.

we don’t borrow food , I find that a little strange. Don’t get me wrong if someone asked, and I had it, I’d happily give it, but no one ever has, and we never have either.

[Deliaskis]

@coodawoodashooda

But that's just it. It's me that's the lone parent. I don't understand why they'd prefer to knock on my door than pop to the shop which is minutes away. Milk isn't a biggie but unreturned calpol is.

We don't have a shop that is a 60 second wally away though it's about 20 mins, or 5 mins in the car.

[Beercrispsandnuts]

@Deliaskis

We don't have a shop that is a 60 second wally away though it's about 20 mins, or 5 mins in the car.

It’s hardly onerous to go 5 mins in car.

[coodawoodashooda]

@Lolalime

I had a friend like this, borrowed my lawn mower every year claiming she was looking into buying one but hadn’t decided yet, borrowed our ladder, suit for her son and others I can’t even recall. every time we were at a place where you could help yourself to straws, tissues, and sugar at a cafe, she would take handfuls of the stuff.
And she happily told me ‘why should I pay for things if I can get them for free!

Yeah. I loaned a brand new scarf that was returned stained. Apparently it was already like that.

[bigbluebus]

In the last 10 years the only things we've asked neighbours for were 1) a hose pipe to drain our central heating system when there was water coming through our living room ceiling from a leaking radiator at 10.30pm and b) some old newspapers out of the ndn recycling as we were decorating and we know they get a daily paper.

[Greatly]

Unreturned Calpol or whatever - just ask for it back?

[gettingolderandgrumpier]

I think borrowing food is odd go to the shop . I’d lend something like my lawnmower etc . I lent my car to my dad one weekend.
im not really into borrowing though , my dh will always ask his parents if we need something like tools or screws / hooks say he’ll say my dad will have that but I just say go to b&q 🤷‍♀️.
I hate borrowing clothes either as has a friend years ago who saw me as her own personal wardrobe rather than buy clothes it annoyed me so I suppose no I’m not a borrower .

[fruitstick]

I'm a terrible borrower and rubbish at returning things.

However I have a friend a few doors away and we often text to see if they have an onion/tin of tomatoes/garlic etc.

We used to get a replacement but we don't bother now as it all just evens out.

That's not being a CF. That's just being nice.

I've realised recently that the whole CF mentality comes of our inability to be straight with people. If we were all comfortable with saying no, we would just say no rather than blame the person asking.

[Greatly]

OK I wouldn't lend a neighbour a brand new scarf but I expect a dd would ask to borrow it at which point I would say no, because it's brand new.

[Coffeesnob11]

I like the idea of reducing consumerism by borrowing and lending as long as its freely repaid if necessary. I used to have 2 work friends and we used to borrow each others dresses for black tie events to save buying new (and paid for dry cleaning before returning). Within the family we borrow and lend loads. My pil lent me a wallpaper stripper that saved me buying a new one, so that's one less wallpaper stripper sitting around doing nothing after I am done decorating. I, in return do their online orders for them. Most people aren't cheeky when they ask to borrow things and if they are just say no.

[Greatly]

I've realised recently that the whole CF mentality comes of our inability to be straight with people. If we were all comfortable with saying no, we would just say no rather than blame the person asking

You are so right. Inassertiveness is the real issue here.

[user1494050295]

@pompomdaisy

We have a street WhatsApp group and we all borrow and lend all the time. However we would never present on someone's doorstep. It's more 'has anyone got a xxx I could borrow to do this job?' Then someone will reply. They usually always do and it's different people all the time.

We do too. However there is one person who grabs everything. Someone offered a bottle of aperol and she was there before the message was even sent out. I deliberately don’t offer her anything. Anyone else however I will help out. Tools etc. my immediate neighbour and I often message asking for butter/eggs etc. it’s no trouble as it is always reciprocated