My friend had two kids with a married man. His wife has no idea!!!! Should I???

[Shoot4theMoon]

A distant friend on Facebook who I used to be close with when we were young has two children, 12 year old and 5 year old, their father is a married man of 25 years, he won’t pay child support, my friend struggles badly where iv had to lend her money last year for food as she had only an apple in for her child to eat, she won’t contact the child support incase this man’s wife finds out and it ruins his marriage. I think his wife deserves to know the damn truth and yes it’s none of my business but this distant friend is never going to tell the wife…. I found her on Facebook after a little digging….. should I?? Shouldn’t I???

WTF has it got to do with you?

A) Your acquaintance (I’m not sure a distant FB friend qualifies for friend status) made her choices, HER choices!

B) She’s an acquaintance! Not a family member, not a close friend.

Have you always enjoyed meddling in other people’s lives? Have you you always enjoyed watching drama/conflict unfold?

It’s nothing to do with you!

If she was that stuck for money she'd sort out maintenance with the father of her children. How do you know this married man is the father anyway? If it's a distant friend she could be a fantasist, spinning you some story so you take pity and give her money. What does this woman tell her own family about the father of her children, I think they might ask questions 2 children by random mystery man.

Stay out of it, the situation is probably all made up anyway.

Do you really not know the answer to that ?

I'd take a case that in the case of the OP's friend this married man might not actually be the father.

This sounds very suspicious to me - a distant friend you are not regularly in contact with gets chatting to you on messenger and discloses all these personal details. Her child only had an apple - did you not suggest food banks? There are several places she could go for help. You sent her money OP - I would question how many other people she has obtained £ from in the same way…?

There's no way a mother would get to the point where she only had an apple in the house for 2 kids without threatening to go to CMS and expose their son of a bitch father to his wife.

What you need to do is convince your friend to stop being such a huge doormat, file a paternity lawsuit and get this man’s money so his children can have a normal life. Telling the wife I’d shit stirring the pot and it won’t solve the main issue here (to better those poor kids lives).

TBF unless the father has recently stopped paying your friend CM she knew 12 years ago after the birth of her first DC what he was like so to bring a second DC into the world years later with him is irresponsible.
But in answer to your question no leave her to sort it out.
Point her in the direction of the CSA and let them make him stump up towards his DC.

@Whatatimetobealivetoday I could easily imagine a man actively seeking a paternity test to prove he's not the father and quash rumours

Either wtf do you actually believe this nonsense or wtf keep your nose out. I’m leaning towards the first with a hefty dash of wtf am I believing this nonsense too.

You should stay out of it and she should put a claim in for child maintenance.

I like your response, I could not agree more. I wonder is this the same person always posting about reporting benefit fraud

She's a distant "friend"/acquaintance. You were mates as kids (?) but don't really know her.

How do you know she needed or used that money for food?

How do you know her story is true?

It seems very hard to believe that a woman would never apply for CM for her kids, to the point where they're starving; but would happily take money off a distant Facebook "friend" she's not actually been friends with for decades (?)

What about her family?

What about her actual friends?

What about what other mother's who get little or no child maintenance do ; some mothers get a few pounds out of the fathers benefits, like a fiver a week per child. What are they doing? Food banks? Working more abd taking advantage of the 85% paid childcare for single parents getting any Universal credit?

This doesn't sound right.

This isn't your secret to tell

I think you sounf like you're being scammed op.

Unless this lady has learning difficulties of significant mental health difficulties?

She certainly did.

I'd call social services. A woman who is more interested in protecting her lover's marriage than feeding her children is not a fit parent.

That's a conversation that should prompt you to call social services the second you hang up. If it's true then she needs more help than just a one off payment. If it's true then she isn't capable of making the right decisions to access the correct help to keep her children fed.

To prove his innocence I'm assuming

If he refused to do one he would look even more guilty

I hate saying it OP but yeah, she scammed you :(

Sounds like she’s making it up and there are food banks so no child in this country only has an apple. Why does she not go after the dad for money? If what she said was true, she is a terrible mum to let her child go hungry rather than ask the married father for money or seek help.

If you want to interfere, why dont you put all your energy into telling Social Services she’s letting her kids go hungry and needs help?

I was going to ask how you ended up giving money to a 'distant friend in Facebook', then I read your next post.

I think you've been scammed.

Stay out of it.

Funny business, not sure what the truth of this is.

Have you heard from her since? If her children are going without food, it’s a serious child protection issue. They are being neglected, whether that is her intention or not.

Families can access food banks in emergency situations. Is there a reason why she didn’t do this?

I agree with the pp that says social services should be contacted.

😒