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AIBU?

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Original poster

My friend had two kids with a married man. His wife has no idea!!!! Should I???

157 replies

Shoot4theMoon · 23/01/2023 11:50

A distant friend on Facebook who I used to be close with when we were young has two children, 12 year old and 5 year old, their father is a married man of 25 years, he won’t pay child support, my friend struggles badly where iv had to lend her money last year for food as she had only an apple in for her child to eat, she won’t contact the child support incase this man’s wife finds out and it ruins his marriage. I think his wife deserves to know the damn truth and yes it’s none of my business but this distant friend is never going to tell the wife…. I found her on Facebook after a little digging….. should I?? Shouldn’t I???

OP posts:
ReamsOfCheese · 23/01/2023 11:52

I think you should stay out of it, you say she's a distant friend, why would you interfere with her life choices like this?

QforCucumber · 23/01/2023 11:52

just put in the CMS claim

QforCucumber · 23/01/2023 11:52

*help her

Lbnc2021 · 23/01/2023 11:53

Keep out of it. You sound like a bit of a shit stirrer.

19lottie82 · 23/01/2023 11:53

God no. It’s none of your business, and she’s not even a close friend. If she won’t put in a CMS claim then that’s on her.

StubbleAndSqueak · 23/01/2023 11:55

She's an adult who has made that decision. Nothing to do with you unless you like the drama

Raindropsdrop · 23/01/2023 11:55

Your very invested invested in something that isn't your business

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 23/01/2023 11:55

Not your circus
Not your monkeys

BudgeUpAnne · 23/01/2023 11:57

If you are distant, how did you know she needed money and then lend it to her?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/01/2023 11:59

Of course you shouldn't. Your only motivation to do so is to create drama that you won't have to deal with. Wind your neck in.

PuppaDontPreach · 23/01/2023 12:00

Absolutely not. It's none of your business and you risk blowing up not only this toe-rag man's life but that of your friend and her children.

Your friend should put in a CMS claim.

CallieQ · 23/01/2023 12:03

Shoot4theMoon · 23/01/2023 11:50

A distant friend on Facebook who I used to be close with when we were young has two children, 12 year old and 5 year old, their father is a married man of 25 years, he won’t pay child support, my friend struggles badly where iv had to lend her money last year for food as she had only an apple in for her child to eat, she won’t contact the child support incase this man’s wife finds out and it ruins his marriage. I think his wife deserves to know the damn truth and yes it’s none of my business but this distant friend is never going to tell the wife…. I found her on Facebook after a little digging….. should I?? Shouldn’t I???

She should contact CMS he has to pay child support
Your friend should sort out her own mess

Mariposista · 23/01/2023 12:07

Your friend has got herself into this mess, and has chosen to have sex and reproduce with a man who will never be loyal to her and who is off limits. I wouldn't be lending her money, nor getting involved.

purplecorkheart · 23/01/2023 12:07

I feel sorry for the children in this. The mother seems to care more about their father than them. She needs to apply for cm and what impact it has on his marriage is not her concern. She needs to think about them not him.

However it is not your place to do anything.

VestaTilley · 23/01/2023 12:10

I don’t think you’re close enough to the people involved to tell them. However, if I were the wife I’d want to know - and the children deserve to be well provided for!

Your friend should pursue him through the CMA.

BumpySkull · 23/01/2023 12:10

If she’s that “distant” then you wouldn’t know about her finances and be giving her money. Are you sure she’s not lying to you or scamming you?

I used to work with someone who said the father of their baby was our married boss because she thought it was less shameful than who it actually was (a drug dealer who went to prison during the pregnancy). I guess she thought being married was the least “shameful” reason to not explain why you can’t explain who your DC’s dad is. It all came out and was awful. His wife worked at another firm, they had a paternity test done, the mother of the baby lost her job and then tried to argue it was discrimination and that they fired her for having a baby… From what it seems, he didn’t even really even know who she was let alone actually have sex with her.

IncompleteSenten · 23/01/2023 12:10

Next time she asks for money tell her sorry, you can't help. She needs to claim maintenance.

If you are filling the gap, why would she claim?

Ihatethenewlook · 23/01/2023 12:12

I’d normally keep out of things like this. But these children are literally starving, something needs to be done. Will she actually claim cs if the wife knows? At the very least ss or the school needs to be contacted if the children aren’t getting fed. I’m wondering what she’s prioritising over feeding her children? I know the cost of living has gone up and bills have gone through the roof and she may be relaying on uc, but feeding your children surely comes before any bill?

momtoboys · 23/01/2023 12:12

Why in the world would you involve yourself in a situation that is NONE of your business?

SleeplessInEngland · 23/01/2023 12:13

None of your business. Butt out.

Original poster
Shoot4theMoon · 23/01/2023 12:14

I had messaged her to say merry Christmas like I usually do at Christmas or birthdays and we chatted for a couple of hours over messenger and she told me her 5 year old wouldn’t stop crying and I had asked what was up and she said he was hungry I asked what she was making for dinner she said her 12 year old was at a sleep over so she just had her and her 5 year old to feed but she was going without and the 5 year old was having an apple. I asked why is that all he’s having and she explained she had no food in, no money, I felt deeply saddened that a 5 year old boy was having an apple for tea so I gave her money into her bank for a take away and food shopping. I feel her children didn’t deserve this at all

OP posts:
Whatatimetobealivetoday · 23/01/2023 12:14

BumpySkull · 23/01/2023 12:10

If she’s that “distant” then you wouldn’t know about her finances and be giving her money. Are you sure she’s not lying to you or scamming you?

I used to work with someone who said the father of their baby was our married boss because she thought it was less shameful than who it actually was (a drug dealer who went to prison during the pregnancy). I guess she thought being married was the least “shameful” reason to not explain why you can’t explain who your DC’s dad is. It all came out and was awful. His wife worked at another firm, they had a paternity test done, the mother of the baby lost her job and then tried to argue it was discrimination and that they fired her for having a baby… From what it seems, he didn’t even really even know who she was let alone actually have sex with her.

Why would a man who hadn’t had sex with someone agree to a paternity test?

SunLovingMummy · 23/01/2023 12:15

Your main concern here should be helping your friend care for her children adequately rather than topping up her funds or meddling with the married man and his wife. Encourage her to lodge a cms claim. I one can know how the married man and his wife's finances are arranged as to whether the wife would even know he was paying child support. She clearly didn't know he was playing away (if you're concerned about yelling the wife).

ThreeLittleDots · 23/01/2023 12:15

Oh come off it OP. She scammed you.

thewinterwitch · 23/01/2023 12:16

Only an apple. What is this, a fairy tale? Only an apple in for the child to eat. But there are two children, you said.

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