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AIBU?

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Original poster

My friend had two kids with a married man. His wife has no idea!!!! Should I???

157 replies

Shoot4theMoon · 23/01/2023 11:50

A distant friend on Facebook who I used to be close with when we were young has two children, 12 year old and 5 year old, their father is a married man of 25 years, he won’t pay child support, my friend struggles badly where iv had to lend her money last year for food as she had only an apple in for her child to eat, she won’t contact the child support incase this man’s wife finds out and it ruins his marriage. I think his wife deserves to know the damn truth and yes it’s none of my business but this distant friend is never going to tell the wife…. I found her on Facebook after a little digging….. should I?? Shouldn’t I???

OP posts:
Pseudonamed · 23/01/2023 13:04

So she had a kid with him 12 years ago and he presumably never supported her nor left his wife so she continues on with him another 7 years and has another kid he is not supporting and still not leaving the wife. Are they still seeing each other? Or has she finally copped on?

YukoandHiro · 23/01/2023 13:07

The circus and the monkeys aren't yours to care about. But if the kids aren't being fed you need to tell the school and social services so they can be supported

Emmamoo89 · 23/01/2023 13:08

None of your business and sounds like a scam

Glittersparkle76 · 23/01/2023 13:09

Sorry OP but I think she's having you on with the no money/apple story!.
No mother in her right mind would see their children starve because she was concerned about the absent fathers marriage and was scared to apply for CM incase it damaged his marriage!.
I could understand her logic if he WAS already paying (an informal agreement between themselves)and she was afraid the CM would stop if she put a claim in with CMS,therefore altering his wife possibly to the existence of these 2 children?
I'm afraid her story makes no sense.

JamSandle · 23/01/2023 13:10

I wouldn't get involved x

Yeahrightthen · 23/01/2023 13:24

If I had no doubt in my mind this was the true situation I wouldn't have any qualms about telling the wife.

However it all sounds very hard to believe so I'd take it with a pinch of salt.

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 23/01/2023 13:25

Giving her money doesn’t give you a right to meddle in her affairs. The story sounds so implausible. My kid was crying? Because he only had an apple? I bet you have been taken for a ride. I bet she wouldn’t do it to a close friend.

DarceyG · 23/01/2023 13:26

Mariposista · 23/01/2023 12:07

Your friend has got herself into this mess, and has chosen to have sex and reproduce with a man who will never be loyal to her and who is off limits. I wouldn't be lending her money, nor getting involved.

God there’s some shut bag men out there but why would a woman tolerate it? Some serious self esteem issues there. I’d never getting involved in such a shit show no man is worth that hassle. She must be absolutely desperate

Ncgirlseriously · 23/01/2023 13:28

Weird that she’s value someone’s marriage over her kids being able to eat. If she’s telling the truth then the best thing she can do is pursue CM. You should stay out of it.

GooseberryCinnamonYogurt · 23/01/2023 13:30

It's not your business especially as you say she's a distant Facebook friend. Can't believe you even needed to ask!

ButterCrackers · 23/01/2023 13:31

She should say to the dad that it’s time for a dna test so that it’s for sure. She also needs herself to say to the father that he pays up and back dated.

Untitledsquatboulder · 23/01/2023 13:32

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 23/01/2023 12:14

Why would a man who hadn’t had sex with someone agree to a paternity test?

Show quote history

How else do you prove you are not the father of a certain child? Pretty impossible to prove you've never had sex with a person you work with.

Shgytfgtf111 · 23/01/2023 13:33

How much money did you send her?

I agree it sounds like a scam. if you are concerned then your only action is to contact social services, not some guy's wife. It might not even be true that they are his kids.

BliainNua · 23/01/2023 13:34

If she's telling the truth, she's been with this married man for more than 12 years! It's awful if she can't feed her children, but tbh I'd be doubtful she's telling the full truth. If she is she needs to put her children first and put in the cms claim, let him deal with the fallout in his marriage.

Personally, a long term affair like that - the wife deserves to know about it.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/01/2023 13:37

BliainNua · 23/01/2023 13:34

If she's telling the truth, she's been with this married man for more than 12 years! It's awful if she can't feed her children, but tbh I'd be doubtful she's telling the full truth. If she is she needs to put her children first and put in the cms claim, let him deal with the fallout in his marriage.

Personally, a long term affair like that - the wife deserves to know about it.

She does, but not from OP, who hasn't given a shit about this couple she doesn't know for 12 years, & is only now thinking that the wife "needs to know".

I think OP's motives are highly suspect.

JoyPeaceHealth · 23/01/2023 13:39

I think she was lining you up as a soft touch op.

I am the single parent of two kids whose father is abusive so we had as little as possible to do with him
There where times when dinner was white carbs! Times when I had to say no we can't go. Go anywhere, go out, get cake.... But I never begged for money and my kids were never hungry.

We are all different tho and I know that the fact that 95% of single parents wouldn't want this indignity doesn't prove that your old friend wouldn't be lining you up as a soft touch.

Cheeseandlobster · 23/01/2023 13:39

Lbnc2021 · 23/01/2023 11:53

Keep out of it. You sound like a bit of a shit stirrer.

This. Your whole posting style on here screams drama. Who are you to open this particular can of worms? Myob

jtaeapa · 23/01/2023 13:40

Stay out of it. She’s an adult, she’s made her choices. And you’re a mug to lend her money.

Deathbyfluffy · 23/01/2023 13:41

If she puts protecting some bloke who got her up the duff while married above her children's wellbeing, she's not the kind of friend you need in all honesty.

Don't get involved.

HimalayaSalts · 23/01/2023 13:43

I would stay out of it, but most importantly how do you know she is telling the truth especially if you don't know her in real life, don't get scammed for money.

If you know it is the truth then help her with what you can and direct her where she can get more help but don't interfere with her life choices.

DestinysGrandchild · 23/01/2023 13:53

If her kids are literally starving, surely she shouldn't give a shit if the wife finds out and would try and get a bit of money to actually feed them?

Duckingella · 23/01/2023 13:54

It's not an affair it's a double life he's living behind his wife's back.

I bet your friend really "loves" him and can't "bear to lose him" even though he's a scumbag who doesn't financially support his kids and is denying them a relationship with their half siblings as no doubt he has kids with his wife who I'm assuming are probably older than your friends kids.

People say keep out of it but if I was the wife I'd want to know.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 23/01/2023 13:55

Not your business. And I can guarantee it will come back to bite you on the arse.

FlissyPaps · 23/01/2023 13:56

What the hell is wrong with you?

Are you really that bored in life you feel the need to get involved in this? Why now?

Just forget about it and concentrate on your own life.

Weird behaviour.

Longdarkcloud · 23/01/2023 13:57

Let Social Services sort this. Inform them that your friend is having financial difficulties and you believe her children are going hungry. SS will check with school and investigate the situation. The policy is forSS not to jeopardise the situation of other children in the father’s care in situations like this, if possible.
Put the welfare of the children first and forget the parents’ wants