Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

OP has been inpatient due to mental health (and she must have been bad as getting a bed is like winning the lottery), lots of therapy and medication changes. No one has 9 months of compassionate leave.. she is clearly off for mental health reasons.
And what you take away from this is that she must earn too much as she can go to a theme park? Fucking hell.....

Jesus H christ - how do people think you're going to get better if you don't get out and about? F*ck the lot of them. Do whatever you need to to get back on an even keel.

@2023username I think that is normal for public sector. I know nhs get 6 months full pay, then goes down to 6 months half pay.

@chinateapot I don't think you should feel guilty, do what you need to do to get better. I've rushed back to work after being ill before and once back I've thought "this is too soon". Am I thought of any better for coming in and struggling, as opposed to taking a little longer to get my head straight? NOPE! No body else will put you first, so make sure you do! I hope you feel better soon.

I was depressed a lot throughout my DDs childhood but I still had to do things with her. During those times I wasn’t happy or enjoying myself but just doing what I needed to do for her. Just because you have depression doesn’t mean that you stop doing things for your kids.

@XenoBitch, he works for Civil Service in micro team.

@XenoBitch also person not off with stress but with depression after his Dad died. The rest of micro team under stress as employer could not bring in new member of team as specialised role, until after person off sick eventually resigned.

@XenoBitch yeah the take away is with no financial incentive to return to work why would you? She's been off nearly a year and going to a theme park. It's time to go back to work..

OP has been very unwell, and needed a lot of time off. Now she wants to treat her kids. I imagine they have not had a great time seeing their mum poorly.
Wanting to treat her kids does not mean she can go back to work.

No I wouldn't think someone is 'taking the loss' because they go to a theme park with their children. Depression can manifest itself in many ways and no one knows how you are feeling apart from you. I wouldn't even judge you if you went a date night with your partner or a lunch with your friends. If you were doing it every day of the week when you could be in work - perhaps I would judge. But no - take your kids to the theme park - they deserve it, have an awesome day, laugh, make memories and I hope you feel better soon. In the kindest way possible, fuck what people think. The majority will never tell you what they think to your face anyway.

Are you meant to recover from depression by sitting alone in a dark room for months?

Of course you should go out, and plan things and have things to look forward to.

It's a very generous sick entitlement and I can see why people on this thread are jealous or why your colleagues might think you're taking advantage- but if you're sick you're sick and it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks.

I hope you recover soon.

This is so depressing. It's great that you.felt able to do this but shock horror not everyone can do that. You were 'depressed', I was hospitalised with it. Don't presume to understand other people's problems. Nobody would choose to struggle with parenting ffs.

Unless you are her doctor it's not your place to judge when it's time to go back to work.

Yours is just one of the many ignorant and downright unpleasant posts on this thread.

I think it's a hard one really.

Personally I've not quite understood the extended time off for bereavement unless it's a child, spouse or horrific circumstances. Whenever we have had a death in the family we've all gone to work as normal the next day or had a day off and then back to it. Partly because I can't think of anything worse than sitting at home dwelling.

I think OP you shot yourself in the foot with this thread by mentioning it was a generous sick pay package. It makes it look not genuine and like you are milking it.

In your specific circumstances I'd argue that if you can go to a theme park which is draining at the best of times you could do a phased return to work even if it was a couple of hours a week (it would certainly be less stress than a theme park I'd imagine!!)

Would I judge you...probably after this amount of time which makes me a terrible person I am sure. Your children I presume are back at school as you're worried they will talk? Think if this is a concern you just don't go and wait until you are in a phased return.

Are you keeping in touch with your work at all to discuss these things?

Personally I've not quite understood the extended time off for bereavement unless it's a child, spouse or horrific circumstances. Whenever we have had a death in the family we've all gone to work as normal the next day or had a day off and then back to it. Partly because I can't think of anything worse than sitting at home dwelling
I'm going to take a wild guess that, unlike the OP, you didn't develop a mental illness that required an inpatient admission and multiple medication changes after any of your bereavements then?

@Chickenkeev

This is so depressing. It's great that you.felt able to do this but shock horror not everyone can do that. You were 'depressed', I was hospitalised with it. Don't presume to understand other people's problems. Nobody would choose to struggle with parenting ffs.

---

'Depressed'

And right there is the reason why so many people struggle on without asking for help.

It isn't a race to the bottom. Ok, you were hospitalised, but that doesn't mean anybody who didn't require a hospital admission didn't have an equally difficult time with their mental health.

This thread, for want of a better word, is so fucking depressing.

Yes the OP will be judged.
Yes, people will think she is taking the piss and she should be back in work.
And that's wrong.

But the reality is that depression can be so debilitating it makes every day life genuinely unbearable and impossible.

We can tolerate small things, we can manage doing things just because it makes the kids happy or is necessary for their well-being, but it's exhausting and inside you are desperate to be curled up in a ball on your own.

We are not talking about someone having a bad day, or someone feeling a bit teary or sad, we are talking about actual real clinical depression.

Physically this can can mean insomnia, slowed thinking, memory problems, trouble making decisions, suicidal thoughts, extreme tiredness, lack of energy, physical aches and pains, headache, no appetite. Not to mention the constant hopelessness, anger, frustration and sadness that consumes every fibre of your being.

If the OP was off work with cancer, or had been in a major accident and had broken bones/serious injuries or had a heart attack the responses would be so different. And while the circumstances/treatments are different for mental illness, the bottom line is a medical professional has deemed the OP unfit for work and it is nobody else's business what she should be doing regarding returning.

Of course there may come a time when her employer has to make difficult decisions about the future of her position, but that would happen with any reason for absence after a long period of time, and that is not what the OP was asking.

👏

After nine months of sick leave, others may be stretched to the breaking point covering for this person. Other team members can and should be resentful on doing extra work while keeping the position open. It may be time to discuss whether they will be able to return to the role, or whether they need to consider other opportunities. It’s costly and inefficient to keep a position open so long. It’s one reason government is far less efficient than private enterprise.

This thread is enlightening in so many ways. It's utterly disturbing how many thoughtless, resentful and discriminatory posts there are. We really ate up that strivers vs skivers thing and then some didn't we?
Ex HMRC here - the only decent thing left was the fact the sick pay was fair. This isn't "generous". It's a cushion that stops people falling into poverty during extended illness. It is easily afforded by the civil service who pay below the market rate, have slashed pension rights and have a very demanding work culture. The civil service has enough to staff at every band to fairly redistribute work without causing stress to the wider team. The spite around sick pay is how we lose our rights people. OP's employer can afford a pay cushion for illness so severe it needs an inpatient stay. Should you find yourself ill/disabled/hospitalised and unable to work you would also deserve a pay cushion.
We can't choose whether we get ill. OP was an inpatient. This isn't just compassionate leave its sick leave. I think a lot of posters here need to have a look at their own employer and realise the fault here lies not with sick colleagues but with shitty incompetent management.
Ultimately OP when you're ready to go back to work go back to work. You are the number one priority here, not your employer or your colleagues. Not spiteful posters on here.
Taking your children out for one trip is not a piss take. It's important for them and it will do you good as well.

I don't think you understand how the civil service is structured or the nature of long term sickness. There are stages of management involved and if someone is ultimately unable to return to post there are processes for this. I don't know which position or band OP is in but if others are stretched to breaking point covering her role the work hasn't been redistributed properly. This just shouldn't happen. If it does its a management failure and management are the ones who should be accountable for this.

Op said she was hospitalised in that time not that she was hospitalised with her mental health. You wouldn't be sectioned for depression

Actually. Yes, I was diagnosed last year.

Also OP never said she was sectioned or hospitalised for her MH for that matter. She just said she had a hospital stay

I was just about to point this out, she said she was hospitalised, but not what with.

Absolutely this

Go and try to enjoy your day

I would not be expecting you to never leave the house, so the theme park is irrelevant. But there park or not, I think nine months off for bereavement of a parent is abnormal and I would think you are milking it for all it is worth.

You need to address the problem of not working. Do a phased return. If you can go to a theme park for a day, why not the office?