Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

Fair point. Apologies for targeting your post. I just got fed up at that point with people suggesting the OP was having some kind of jolly off work. It was unfair to quote you like that.

I hope that you have recovered (sorry if that's the wrong expression) 💐

No problems.
As I said, I hope you're doing ok 🌻

What are you supposed to do, live as a recluse? Coz that's amazing for depression 🙄

Yes thanks - very well these days. I dread to think what would have happened to me without that intervention, though my memory of it isn't very clear.

I can sympathise as I was recently in a very similar position to you. My mum died just over a year ago and I was off work for 7 months on SSP. It is a small private company so I suppose they couldn’t afford to pay more than that for a long period. My mum and I were unusually close, which my work was aware of, so they were patient for as long as they could be, but at around 6 months they basically told me I had to make a decision about returning to work, so for financial reasons I finally returned part time.

I still don’t feel much better really, more just resigned to the fact that I have to try and carry on as best I can as my mum wanted me to. I do think it is probably better to be back in a routine though really and with hindsight I probably should have returned earlier. I think part of the problem is the longer you are off, the harder it is to go back, especially knowing people will have been talking about you, worrying about what they think etc.

I don’t have kids so don’t really go to theme parks, but possibly would have done the same if I did, so if you think it would be mentally beneficially for you all I would go. When I finally returned to work I did get the impression that a few people thought I had been a bit silly/selfish for being off so long, but I think most people are only really concerned with their own problems, so I wouldn’t worry too much about what they think.

On another note, I have found the bereavement boards on here quite helpful and supportive.

The litmus test should be would you have taken off even if you weren't being paid. Someone who is genuinely too ill to work, can't come in regardless of whether they're getting sick pay or not. But someone who's just really sad due to life, but they can actually come in and they would have if the company didn't pay (see for example above poster), well maybe they shouldn't be off sick sponging.

@VanillaSnap - I think that is an unfair comment. Obviously people have still got to live, so if you have no income at all and end up losing your job you are just adding more problems into the mix, so I didn’t have much choice but to return.

I would much rather have carried on working full time and still had my mum than have been at home claiming SSP (which is only around £96 per week so a fraction of most people’s normal wage). Also, for much of that time I was taking steps to help my recovery such as having bereavement counselling, seeing the GP etc, as well as dealing with probate and supporting my elderly dad. I didn’t feel I was “sponging”. It depends on the circumstances of each case, you can’t just generalise.

The OP has said that she wants to return to work but as yet psychiatrists and Occupational Health won't allow her to.

I went back to work 5 days after an attempted suicide, people do sometimes go into work when they are genuinely not well enough to be there. I was pulled up multiple times about mistakes I was making and I didn't do a good job, but I was there. I can assure you I genuinely was not well at all.

@CottonSock I feel for your dh j really do. Im also facing not being able to drive for 3 months, no clue how well manage that but we’ll have to.
thanks to everyone who shared stories of severe depression and some recovery. Seeems impossible just now but maybe one day

This really isn't the 'gotcha' you think it is. People go to work when too sick all the time and they struggle through because they have no choice.

People being able to take time off when they're too unwell to go to work is one or the basic rights we should have and to think anything else is disgusting.

I think OP would have gotten completely different responses on here if she'd said from the outset that she's a GP. Someone mentioned it in a previous comment and it comes up in her post history.

The risk involved with that is different from a standard civil service desk job.

@Cococrab - I’ve spent my entire life in private industry in the States. Local, state, and federal governments are chock full of corruption and overspending on Human Resources because of managerial incompetence and civil service benefits far more generous than the private sector. After a reasonable time, discussions about phased return or resignation need to take place. Nine months is a long time to expect others to take up the slack.

Depression is a whole lot different to a physical injury. You have been signed off work. Meeting the demands of this and being able to focus on the pressures and concentrate on a daily basis with depression is bit different to taking your kids out. Take them out

She's not taking them out. She's having a quiet day at home instead.

But this is the UK civil service right? America is a totally different ball game what with the healthcare system etc. I couldn't comment on corruption and fraud in the States but it's not relevant to a long term sick leave in the UK. There's medical evidence, there's occupational health involvement and at 12 months pay will stop. There is obviously a consensus that she will be fit to work in the near future or she'd have been put onto the ill health retirement/dismissal pathway. It's cruel and discrimatory to assume that this would be fraud. Providing a basic cushion of income security so your employee is more likely able to return to their role after a health crisis is a good thing. Its easily affordable for the civil service. Civil servants get paid below market rate in return for what used to be fair employment benefits. A secure job, fair sick pay and a secure pension. Two of the 3 there have gone. The smearing of people who ill and disabled as fraudsters is encouraged precisely because its means we don't to pay attention when we lose these rights. Until its us who through no fault of our own can't work and are left with our mortgages, our inflated utility bills, our children's to provide for with no safety net. The Dr and the employers OH are there as safeguards for the employer. Even if you thought the Dr was complicit in some sort of scam then do you think the employers OH is too? I mean come on. This is a bit of a reach isn't it.

@CococrabWe aren’t going to agree. I did not mean to imply there was fraud per se in this case. Extremely generous sick polices are hard on public or private employers who have to pay an ill worker, yet can’t afford to hire a replacement. Very few private firms can afford such generous sick leave polices here. Government employees here are overpaid, and receive very generous benefits. These need to be cut back as defined benefit pensions and similar are not longer affordable. I’m going to step away now.

I'm not sure if you're talking about the States or the UK. Civil Servants here are mainly admin based positions and they're paid less on average than the private sector. We have a warped view because the term conjures up images of bowler hatted Whitehall bureaucrats and not a working class clerical worker in the Midlands. 6 months full pay and 6 months half pay for a crisis medical situation is affordable by the civil service and it has enough staff to redistribute the workload of one person. Its a fair. The same arguments are used against maternity pay. Why should we pay for some stranger to be off for 9 months having kids? Whose going to cover the work? Why should we pay for someone to be ill? Etc. Etc. Its a slippery slope and it doesn't benefit any of us. Although HR consultants making up arbitary sick leave trigger points no doubt do well from it! There are ill health dismissal and retirement option for those who can't recover and there are safeguards in place for anyone being fraudulent. I'm sorry for your experiences of seeing fraud and overpaid public sector workers in the States. It just doesn't ring true to me having worked in the private sector, the civil service and local authorities in the UK.

The litmus test should not be being forced to go back to work because finance dictate it.

The OP is unwell.

She shouldn't be working until she's well.

I'm not sure referring to herself as a civil servant rather than a GP the OP has helped herself.
No matter what her job role is there are colleagues who are without doubt picking up the slack and being put under more pressure!

The problem with depression is that there isn't really a point where you can confidently say plain old sadness ends and clinical depression starts. Yes at the extremes it's very clear person a is suffering from real clinical depression and is in no state to work, and person b is just a bit sad due to life but can get on with things.

The problem is with the grey area in the middle. Where someone might still be very sad about things that happened to them, but if needs must they could get up and continue with life. Yet if they were given the option of taking more time off, aka other people carrying the workload and financial burden for them, they might well do it.

While this may be nice for the sad/depressed person, it's not really fair on the others. So a certain amount of pressure is not uncalled for.

If they think that they're wrong. Sitting indoors all day does not cure depression. What you propose doing is a step to recovery and if they can't see that they need educating. As you say the kids deserve it too and feeling you're letting them.forn doesn't help depression either.

It's not a broken leg. Mental health is diffetent. It's not like you're going on a drugs and booze bender that will harm your recovery, you're going something that will help.

If your workmates are like that I'd ask my kids to keep quiet for an easy life.