Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

"I could probably earn about £50000 more in the private sector. Benefits like sick pay are one reason why I don’t."

Is this a thinly veiled dig at those workers striking? 🤔

Hmm. But to answer your question, you can go to a theme park yes, not sure you'll find many open this side of April so you might be back on a phased return by then anyway.

You can only self certify for 7 days. She probably thought the length of time would make it obvious that her Dr had signed her off?

I was off for almost 3 months and after each month the doctor asked if I felt able to return. It was my decision.
A doctor will sign you off if you ask.

In this case (the huge drip feed) is that the OP isn’t asking to be signed off.

This 100%

Yes but your gp will have presumably agreed that you weren't fit for work based on your appointment? Your gp isn't going to be signing a fit for work note if they think you're fit for work. There will also be occupational health involved and I would presume some form of keeping touch with management. If they thought this was fake they would have started procedures well in advance of 9 months. My experience of civil service culture was that it was not kind towards illness and disability. There is absolutely no way they'd be sitting back letting someone have 9 months off without adequate evidence. I just don't get why there's this presumption of wrongdoing throughout so many of these replies? These things happen. We have procedures in place to mitigate them.

Yes, I agree with this

My god there are some toxic arseholes on here. The OP has been really clear on their difficulties and circumstances. People are accusing her of skiving, of exploiting her employer and of drip feeding stuff which clearly isn't a drip feed.

How about you twats think about the person behind the OP and wind your bitchy little necks in.

Sorry you’ve been so unwell OP. I do think it might’ve been helpful to include the extent in your OP as you might not have had such a backlash.

I do think some colleagues might think you’re taking the piss, but it’s impossible to know really, it’ll vary from person to person and how you are thought of. I’m also civil service and have had managers on long term sick leave who I thought could’ve really done with a good holiday somewhere not to help their recovery. One in particular was a hugely hard and conscientious worker but had obvious mental health problems as well as a stressful home life. I always wished they would go on holiday when off sick!

I’ve also had colleagues in my teams in the past who are very clear piss takers. And even if they weren’t, the poor work and attitude when they were in work was still enough to irritate me when they were off on long term sick leave, returning only when pay ran out. One of these did go on a summer holiday for the last fortnight of their several weeks’ long sick leave and actually phoned HR to cancel the annual leave they had originally booked for that holiday! I did think they were taking the poss then.

People judging depends on you, how you’re thought of, and also on those people themselves. You can’t control that so you may as well give your children a nice day.

Being depressed doesn't mean you have almost a year paid off work either.

Thanks for those who have been sympathetic. This year has been my worst nightmare of a year and jd give almost anything to be back at work.

@DonnaBanana it does mean you have that long off work jf psych / occhealth say you can’t return. What would you do?

for those of you talking about termination of employment I’m not stupid and of course it’s crossed my mind. But I don’t see I have much choice at present. If occ health and psych say I’m not fit what can I do?

anyway enough have answered my original question. We’ll try to find something nice to do at home. And I’ll try to feel less like a malingering cow after reading some of these - it’s always worth remembering there’s a person behind the screen.

@chinateapot please take them if it's something you feel able to do.

I wish you well in your recovery.

&@LCforlife you’re kind thank yiu
have chatted to them and we’ll go for a “yes day” at home - still special and will definitely be easier on me!

I mean, pot, kettle, black.

I didn't say she wasn't engaging.
I never said she should pay attention to colleagues' opinions.
That's not what I wrote. I just wanted to encourage her a wee bit following some negative posts, and hope that progress is being made.

OP thank you for the updates. I'm sure you're engaging with it all as well as you can. Don't worry too much about colleagues. I hope that you're making progress and your line manager is being supportive.

Have a lovely day!
Probably less stressful than a theme park!

Of course you can go. Dh has sadly been off sick for 1.5 years (no longer paid). He's not expected to stay at home, he's trying to rebuild a life.

I would think that a beach holiday would help greatly for depression, especailly this time of year.

To the OP, some people might think that, but if they had any sense they would realise that it's not a piss take and being off for MH doesn't involve locking yourself in your bedroom but rather focusing on doing things to make yourself better.

Totally shocked by this thread. Yes we've had beach holidays whilst dh has been off too. It was his best 10 days of the last 1.5 years.

Op, my dp also lost his mum before his breakdown. His severity of illness sounds similar to yours. He was under the crisis team, then physiatrist then occ health.
If you try and return too soon, the second crash can be worse. He was warned but we learned the hard way.

Don't listen to people here that literally have no clue.

I agree. Being hospitalised means the depression must have been incredibly severe indeed, given the lack of beds in mental health hospitals these days.

💐 OP. I've been there with depression and other people's judgements. Do what you need to do to aid your recovery. It sounds like its been very difficult trying to find a medication that works for you, I hope the latest one you are trying finally works for you.

I've been in both situations, having had time off for health reasons and also having been involved in covering for colleagues off sick. I would pick covering for others over severe clinical depression anyday. 💐

I wouldn’t berate you, life is for living while you can.

There was another similar thread earlier this month.

In the weeks leading up to hospitalisation I was hobbling around the shop for food essentials and giggling to myself I would give the DWP a test for their assessment if it came to it!

Once upon a time I might have had different opinion honestly but not now. Once I get out of here I plan a Mac Donald’s and one huge glass of wine.

It’s all worked out well in the end. Kids are just as excited and both me and my wallet will be more relaxed!
@CottonSock i did exactly the same as your husband and tried to go back to work as soon as I could possibly. Crashed and burned spectacularly leading to sdmisskkn. This time I’ll take the advice I’m given.

@chinateapot you take care of yourself.

Dh was / is a doctor in the NHS and his burnout was caused when working in the pandemic. He has same sick pay as civil service. Not a position he ever wanted to be in. Some peple here lack a lot of compassion and understanding.

Luckily he does have understanding colleagues and managers who realise he needs slow steps and a normal family life where possible.

At 12 months he got no more pay but can claim Employment Support Allowance for 12 months. Its not much but something.

His second crash was during a very slow phased return. Some people here seem to think that would wave a magic wand.

We might be looking at ill health retirement as a possibility. He is trying regain some confidence via classes and maybe volunteer work as next steps. He's not been able to drive so hopefully in spring.

When I had severe clinical depression including a five week hospital admission I was off work for longer than that before psychiatrists and Occupational Health deemed me fit to return to work.

Just to clarify that you can be admitted to a psych unit for depression. Eg if you are suicidal or not eating or drinking or neglecting yourself. It’s about risk. And you can be admitted voluntarily as an ‘informal’ patient. You are only detained under the mental health act (‘sectioned’) if you need admission, there are risks and you can’t or won’t consent to admission.

Mental health units are not always particularly nice places, and there are better places to be when depressed. However, for some it can literally make the difference between life and death.