Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

Depression can cause suicidal thoughts, you can be sectioned for suicide attempts. Rarely yes, but it does happen. More often than not your sent home the next day to try again with a promise of a phone call that never comes but occasionally, someone might care.

Actually OP also didn't say she was sectioned. That doesn't mean it wasn't her mental health that put her in hospital.

Highly unlikely iv only ever been sectioned once and it was from a lot more then a suicide attempt. Other times iv attempted in the past I was never sectioned like you say they discharge you to do it again the next day. Even when iv been homicidal I wasn't sectioned I just had the police come and remove all the knives from my home. The chances are if you was in a position of being sectioned it's highly unlikely you would still have custody of your children. However this is based on my hospital trust (which is 💩) and the stigma around bpd so it could be different in other areas

I know it's unlikely, I've been under the adult mental health team for 10 years (and I'm only 27, so my entire adult life). But I know it can happen because a friend of mine was held under a section for a week after they made an attempt. A week was nowhere near long enough, but it was something so it can happen.

The only information we have to go on is what the OP has said herself, which was that she was hospitalised. She didn't actually say she was being held on a section, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it wasn't her depression that put her there.

I agree that we can only go by what she said but the op question is would her colleagues judge her for going to a theme park after being of sick for 9 months and people are basing their opinions on the fact they belive the op was sectioned which although she never said it she implied it. And most people who have had no dealings with the mh system will probably assume you do get sectioned just for saying your suicidal or attempting and will base their replies on this. 9 months is a very long time to be off work and if she is able to go to a theme park which is a very intense environment is difficult to still have sympathy.

I agree with this

You are not in the least taking the piss. Your depression is making you unfit for work not unfit for life. Doing activities like this is likely to help you feel better and move towards recovery (and ultimately a return to work).

Do people really expect you to sit in a darkened room until you are ready to go back to work?

I would not in the least bit judge this, if I found out- my first thought would be, oh I am glad things look like they are improving. I would be happy for you.

I would not judge you OP. Depression is so hard and getting out is important for your recovery. Ignore the negative comments on here

To answer the original question, yes I think some colleagues would judge you for such a day out. Perhaps part of the issue and the chances would be lessened if you reduced your use of the same social media they use, and also when and where you go.

I'm glad to hear it's "great sick pay" and I hope you are enjoying yourself.

Some will, some won’t. It doesn’t really matter what they think, though, does it. You, your GP and your employer are the only people whose expertise/opinions count.

I'm going to take a wild guess that OP is not enjoying herself. Depression is not an enjoyable illness.

potniatheron · Today 09:44
I'm glad to hear it's "great sick pay" and I hope you are enjoying yourself“

Lovely. Hope you never find yourself on sick pay.

My sick pay is not livable on for 9 months. neither is my partners. He's been off since last May due to a physical injury sustained at work and we have really been struggling.

I don't think its fair that our taxes are paying to have someone else off for nine months on 'great pay'.

The reference to 'great pay' made OP's post come off as smug and dismissive. She is a civil servant so I am sure she is clever enough to realise that. Very tone deaf to my mind.

Nevertheless I hope Op enjoys herself at the theme park.

Do you get 12 months off sick, OP? You're going to have to make some decisions soon about next steps. I know pp have asked about Occupational Health and phased returns, but try to engage with this for a way forward. Think about what you need to do.

I work in HR and I'm surprised your employer isn't making reasonable adjustments. They should have done in this long time frame - e.g. could you do a phased return, is there a flexible working plan that could help, could you move to part time etc.
Your employer is obliged to support you in returning to work

potniatheron · Today 10:06
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 09:59
potniatheron · Today 09:44
I'm glad to hear it's "great sick pay" and I hope you are enjoying yourself“

Lovely. Hope you never find yourself on sick pay.
My sick pay is not livable on for 9 months. neither is my partners. He's been off since last May due to a physical injury sustained at work and we have really been struggling.

I don't think its fair that our taxes are paying to have someone else off for nine months on 'great pay'.

The reference to 'great pay' made OP's post come off as smug and dismissive. She is a civil servant so I am sure she is clever enough to realise that. Very tone deaf to my mind.

Nevertheless I hope Op enjoys herself at the theme park“

Sorry for your personal circumstances but they’re not the fault of the OP. Are civil servants with decent sick pay somehow immune from depression?

You shouldn’t be questioning why OP’s sick pay is “decent”. Rather, why is yours so poor that you are not able to live on it.

As it is so low, are you paying taxes on it?

We pay a great deal of tax. I don’t begrudge you or anyone else sick pay. That’s how society works.

What would your opinion be on tax payers money going towards someone who can't work at all due to their mental health then? Because it seems as though people can't really win. Mental illness is completley debilitating for a lot of people - either they go in to work, do a very poor job, put strain on their colleagues due to them doing a poor job and possibly eventually lose that job, or go off sick from work, put strain on their colleagues because they are not fit to be in work and eventually lose that job anyway because they'll be managed out (or have to return to work too early and repeat the first scenario), or as some are suggesting on this thread they leave work entirely and depend on benefits to then be told that they are a drain on society and should be in work.

Well my parent can't work at all due to schizophrenia and I have no problem with them living off benefits. They have been in an out of hospital all their life, I was in and out of care. It was hard. I get it.

However I am heartbroken to learn that we as taxpayers are paying for a civil servant to be off work for 9 months. So that is a role that is not being done, that we are paying for. At a time when the NHS is so gummed up. My partner, in addition to his work injury, has a severe chronic condition and he cannot get the treatment he needs because of waitlists, meanwhile I see him getting worse and worse and old before his time.

The law courts, passports, all totally gummed up, service terrible. We are paying for that lack of service. And turns out we are also paying for civil servants NOT to work!

I had no idea we paid for people to be off for nine months. It's sinsane. I'm sorry OP is ill but I as a taxpayer shouldn't be paying for it. My best friend works in NHS and said a quarter of her departmental colleagues are currently off on the sick due to stress. Are we paying for them all as well and is that why the NHS is so bad?

You see what I'm saying. It's not people getting ill, needing to be on welfare etc, it happens. but welfare is meant to be a safety net, should a safety net be nine months long? Can't OP's job be kept open, but no pay, and a temp brought in instead?

With the state services in at the moment, it's heartbreaking to me. Nevertheless I hope OP has a lovely time at the theme park.

You see what I'm saying. It's not people getting ill, needing to be on welfare etc, it happens. but welfare is meant to be a safety net, should a safety net be nine months long?“

Yes, obviously, I’d the employee is sick for 9 months.

Who do you suppose has paid for your parents’ and for you, whilst you were in care?

I just don’t understand your vitriol against the OP. Again, your personal circumstances are not her fault.

The alternative to the “taxpayer” covering sickness benefit is that “there’s no such thing as society”, as suggested by that famous humanitarian several decades ago 🙄

@potniatheron

We pay tax for plenty of things that we personally don't benefit from.

I can see why her colleagues might be pissed, because it would directly affect them, but I can't get on board with the outrage at her sick pay benefit from the general public.

That's like me being pissed off at the people who benefit from the furlough scheme because I, as a civil servant, didn't have the same option.

@potniatheron but my point is that taxpayers would be paying for sick people in some way regardless. This way at least people don't have to immediately worry about losing their jobs, they are also still paying tax. If they were to lose their job they wouldn't be paying tax. OP has to live somehow, she has children to support if she's not paid from her job then she'd be paid through benefits.

The NHS is in such a state because they aren't given the support they need - that's why so many NHS workers are being signed off work and leaving in droves. The state of the NHS caused that not the staff.

A safety net should be as long as its needed for - as in the case of your parent.

Strange choice of language - great sick pay

What would be interesting to see is a proper study on generosity of sick pay in the public & private sectors vs time taken off on the sick. So for example to people go off on the sick longer if they have 'great' sick pay than if they don't. What is the carrot and stick approach.

Certainly when I was bad with my depression and eating disorder (still on medication for depression) I found that going back to work relieved my symptoms as I was forced to follow a schedule and interact with people, my mood gradually got better too, being around other people was a lot more helpful than sitting at home worrying.

Your reference to thatcher is meaningless as some of the most straight up communist societieis such as USSR simply did not tolerate people being off on the sick for 9 months, those societies did not tolerate physical disabilities either such people were hidden away and starved, they had a Stakhanovite approach to such things, this is all well documented as you doubtless know since you sound as though you are very politically astute.

My issue is not with OP and I hope she is enjoying her great sick pay and theme park outing as I have said. My issue is that I the taxpayer should not be paying someone to be off on the sick for 9 months. If such long periods on the sick are endemic in the public sector then I hope proper research is being done as to why. It definitely is not good value for the taxpayer. It's pretty insane imo.

I didn't realise she would still be paying tax from her sick pay to be fair. But even that seems unnecessarily complicated. Just reduce the sick pay?