Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

You must expect that at some point it’s not sustainable to continue to employ you when you are unable to actually come to work.

I worked with two people on long term sick leave in private sector and both were managed out at the 6 month point.

If I knew someone was struggling with depression and then I heard that they’d gone to a theme park I’d be really thrilled for them that they were taking steps to get out and about and do fun things.

I mean what’s the alternative? Stay at home wailing and reading social media (which is linked to depression)? You’re trying to get better, it’s great that you’re going out.

Just go to the theme park and have a nice time. No one will think anything bad.

Being brutally honest, I think people would be annoyed about this, especially after 9 months. Have they employed a temporary resource to cover you or are colleagues having to cover your workload? If it’s the former, people might be more understanding.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a day out, I’m just answering your question about how it will be seen.

How much longer is your job being held open?

I would judge someone that was depressed yet out every weekend night. Especially if it involved alcohol, given alcohol is a depressant.

There's something very different about spending time with family, reconnecting and doing normal things during the day. If I was covering someone in her situation, I would temporarily feel a bit irritated at the workload but I would see it as a positive thing for my colleague.

I work in primary care mental health and manage a team. Part of our management training includes these scenarios where to cut a long story short….the policy is if this will make you feel better then you should absolutely be doing that. The policy would support you going on holidays whilst off sick, days out etc if it supports you, then you go for it!

I tend to agree.Nine months is a long time to be off without a resolution. Best book an appointment with your Line Manager to discuss a plan. You either need to go back (gradually) or leave.
It’s not fair on your colleagues.

9 months!? You need to get back to work.

Unless you don't like your job then find one which works for you. Covering over people's work is stressful aswell.

Depression and stress seems to be used as a catch all term to describe someone off with MH issues. I had a good friend who was off sick with what our colleagues thought was stress. They moaned to management about him being seen in pubs, night clubs etc. He even kept popping into work to see people. He had bipolar, and was off sick because he was manic. Totally unfit for work. It was not my place to tell people that as it was 100% his business.

How come everyone knows so much about why a colleague is off sick?

You either need to go back (gradually) or leave

What OP 'needs' to do is follow the policies and procedures that exist within her organisation. Your opinion isn't relevant. She started the thread to ask if it was unreasonable to take her kids out for the day, not to ask people with no knowledge of her medical history, Occupational Health assessment status or steps she may or may not have taken to get back to work whether she should still be off sick or not.

I would definitely judge you.
I work in a supermarket, l had to return to work to sit on a checkout a week after my husband's funeral, same when my Dad died, if l don't work, l don't get paid.

I have to agree! Everyone is bound to have an opinion on covering the extra workload and I doubt it will be a positive one

Maybe don't put it on socials?

Do you feel that managing a day out to a theme park is a sign that you are recovering? Will it boost your sense of self worth to do something for your kids? Getting yourself well is what really counts here. Whatever your colleagues think doesn’t really matter, they’ll have something else to bitch about soon enough.

I'm really struggling to understand all these: I had to do this so everyone else should too.
I get that it's really rubbish not having sick pay and not being able to take time off when you need too - as I said I was back in work myself 5 days after a suicide attempt - and that was horrific and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone else. I'm glad other people have that kind of support available to them when they are ill.

It's funny, when it comes to physical illnesses nobody seems to question sick pay so much but when it comes to mental illness there's so much stigma. OP has been signed off by a doctor, and said herself that there's been a lot of treatment within those 9 months yet there are still comments here like 'you could have sorted it within 6 months' and 'you need to be back in work' from people who have no idea of how that illness might be affecting her. I'm sure everyone judging her would be judging equally as harshly if she was in work doing a terrible job because she wasn't fit to be there - then it would just be complaints about picking up the slack from her mistakes.

You need to get back to work.

Unless you are OP's doctor your opinion is worth precisely fuck all.

OP, I'd get this thread zapped now if I were you. You've had some balanced, carefully considered responses to your actual AIBU about the day out, so take those on board and step away before the unecessary (but inevitable) nastiness from some posters gets in your head.

I’d probably think you were taking the piss to be honest but that is because I work very closely with the civil service and the amount of piss taking that goes on is insane compared to private industry. Lots of people working in the real world just cannot indulge their illnesses the was was civil servants can because they wouldn’t get paid and would get the sack. Im not knocking people with genuine conditions but I knew far more people with “long covid” symptoms in the civil service than in the private sector. Could be a coincidence I’m sure.

I think it would be very hard not to find this difficult if I was your colleague. However as you can see the colleagues picking up the extra workload are meant to do it without complaining and if they do say it's frustrating or difficult or hard for them they get people telling them that's not fair and how mean.

No idea what the was was is I meant way! 😳

If you have been off 9 months, and are unlikely to go back soon, then yes colleagues may think you are taking the piss.

But surely even the civil service won’t carry on employing you if you’re not actually working. Nine months is a huge amount of time. And yes, of course people will judge you, whether rightly or wrongly.

Sorry slightly off topic but the last sentence, which is frequently trotted out on threads like this, really pisses me off.

Where exactly do you think the resource is coming from to cover someones work for 9 months? In much of the public sector at least there is no give. Budgets are so tight and people are worked to the bone already. There is nothing that 'management' can do a lot of the time, especially when it's not obvious from the outset how long someone will be off for.

it's never the person who's been signed offs fault. an unreasonable workload is a management issue. However, it seems most people would rather grumble and bitch about their sick colleagues than pipe up to management and say this is too much for me/I am struggling.

those who are signed off sick with mental health or physical ailments have enough on their plate without worrying about what their colleagues think.

Actually it's exactly what the op is asking. If I have to cover a colleagues workload that's an extra 1:1challenging child. There is noone else to step in. A week of that I'm done in. 9 months I will be judging that person whilst looking for another job. Plus probably considering my mental health!

So unless you can see it from both sides your opinion is worth fuck all.

it might piss you off but its also the truth - it's not the person who's off sicks problem to manage others workloads

like I just said people off sick for any reason likely have enough to worry about.