Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

If they know why you’re off then I expect they would be supportive, and if they are judging you then they don’t have a good grasp of what the time off is for and how you rebuild your MH. If that happens, you can either educate if you feel comfortable, or ignore it. Whatever happens though, please don’t let it discourage you

To be honest, I would raise an eyebrow, and have a little bitch to my partner about it if one of colleagues did this.

OP I certainly wouldn't judge you for having a day out with your children, its good for your mental health.

When my son died, I was off work for 6 months, and I went on an already planned holiday, about 2 weeks before i went back to work.
Once back at work, I worked a couple of months then was off for another 5 months, I realise now that the initial 6 months off wasn't long enough and I was nowhere near ready to go back.

I've been back almost a year now, and although I cope better, I think that's partly due to working from home, I think if I was in the office 5 days a week, there would still be days that I couldn't face it!

Are occupational health involved?
I would try not to judge, I'm on anti depressants and have bouts of really low mood and intrusive thoughts.
I have also been the employee holding things together when over half the team is off with mental health problems and feeling like I couldn't also take time off for mine.
I probably would feel a bit miffed though, if I'm being honest.

When I had a breakdown and was signed off with work-related stress and depression, my doctor told me specifically to get out and do things which made me happy. It’s part of getting better. To begin with everything was exhausting and I couldn’t do much, but it was one of the things which helped me to get back to myself. I was back at work after nine weeks.

Do what you need to. I hope you’re well enough to be back at work soon.

Honestly I probably would - 9 months is a long time. Have you attempted to get back into the workplace at all - even had a discussion?

They shouldn't judge, but in reality, they do judge. So I think, sadly, you need to be prepared for that.

I was signed off with depression for four months in my last job and bumped into a colleague when I was on the beach near my house walking the dog. Word got back to everyone and I was roundly criticised for it.

Apparently having depression means you're not allowed to drive five minutes to your local beach and take your dog for a walk

This

I see no issue with taking kids on trips whilst on long term leave - you’re still a parent and the kids still have to live!

But saying that 9 months for bereavement leave? Is that the done thing in the civil service?

Im thinking on colleagues who have lost parents, they have mostly took 2 weeks. Some less, some more.

If this is standard for the CS it sounds like it’s not just the ministers at the top who take the piss with taxpayers money.

I took 2 weeks off when my dad died, I couldn’t afford to take anymore off but I’m self employed so didn’t really have a choice. Tbh it was better I was out working keeping my mind off things. My brothers took much longer off but they work public sector.

I have a similar view.

In my public sector job, I would be under attendance management policy and by now would be spoken to about a planned phased return or arrangements to leave.
Can you use this as an opportunity to plan your return to work, including a phased return. That way planning to increase your ‘out and aboutness’ would be part of your recovery. All above board and helping you to keep your job too.

So what if they do , are they close friends , have they messaged you asking how you are . I was off for 6 months with depression a few years ago . I went out and posted on Facebook . Live your life for you and not for others . You are the one going through this . Think of yourself and less of others x

I don’t think there is an issue with taking the kids to a theme park if you are off with depression but did you need to add you “work for the civil service and get great sick pay”?

Just because you have depression doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out and try to do normal things now and again, in fact it’s good for you to do things like that in order to get better.
Mental illness is tough, on the person who has it and for the people they live with.
Go and have a lovely day with your kids x

It's sick pay. Not bereavement leave. I'm happy for my tax to go towards a strong long term sickness policy for public sector workers.

Nine months is a very long time to be off work.

I would go as far to say that you have had enough time address some of the symptoms of your depression and that your treatment should be having some sort of positive impact by now

If I was your boss I’d want to know what steps you had been taken in order to improve your own situation

I agree.

If my colleague was off for a a couple of weeks with depression and went to a theme park, I’d be glad they were making an effort to enjoy their life.

Having 9 months off and going to a theme park is a bit of a piss take, especially if you are not planning to go back yet.

If you’re planning to go back to work in the next few days then I wouldn’t judge you for going to the theme park.

At nine months you must be on half pay by now, and on the verge of being managed out. I’d judge, I’m afraid. I got tired of seeing a colleague who was off with depression “living her best life” with family days out at the seaside, dinner out with her husband and nights in the pub splashed all over social media, while we were trying to cover her job. She got managed out just before she got to a year, and we were then able to replace her.

Some will, some won’t. I’m sure PCS said you can book AL while off sick, do that if it will help you enjoy the day?

Nine months???

Yes, I would judge you I’m afraid.

I agree with this. Nine months is a very long time to be off work, and if your colleagues are having to pick up the slack it wouldn't be at all surprising if some of them are resentful.

Some of my colleagues have been through traumatic events and haven't had anything like that amount of time off.

Some will judge, some will already be judging you regardless of what you do. Unfortunately that’s the reality of social networks. I think nowadays most will know that being depressed doesn’t mean you aren’t able to go out and certainly that it doesn’t stop you from supervising your kids on a day trip. (But do they know the reason you’re off sick?).

I wouldn't judge you for being out with your DC. Are they meant to not ever have a day out because their mum's ill? But 9 months is a hell of a long time.

2 weeks with depression is not even enough for a newly prescribed anti-depressant to kick in.
There is no time scale with mental health. In any case, there is no sudden occasion when off sick that you can go back to work. You don't remove a cast from a broken leg and start walking again. There is still a whole lot of therapy to be done before you regain full use of your leg back. Same with MH.
A day in a theme park is part of recovery.. it does not mean OP is recovered.

I'm afraid I also agree with this. Had a couple of colleagues go through truly horrific things in the last year and neither took 9 months off. NHS so also generous sick pay.

Rightly or wrongly I would judge, and I live with mental health issues every day so I do have some understanding.

A sick note states you are not fit for work, it could also state you could work if adjustments are made, or if you only work certain times etc. It does not mean you can't do other things. My GP said when I was off for depression a holiday would be good for me so there is no reason you can't go to a theme park.