Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

It is when they are taking the piss!

Yes of course they will. You work there, you know how people talk about those on long term sick where there is no physical cause. MH recieves scant understanding.
Discovering you're on days out at theme parks will only add grist to the mill. You might get away with a calm therapeutic walk somewhere, but going to a place that is bustling, crowded and often stress inducing will not be understood.
Obviously you're doing nothing wrong, but you asked how people will view it, and its a safe bet it won't be positively.

how do you know who is a pisstaker vs those who aren't?

how do you differentiate between those who are questioning if they can face another day and a trip to a theme park might be the thing that shows them life is worth living and those who are taking advantage?

you can't and that's exactly why it's between OP, her doctor and her manager.

You are off with depression.

You need to do things to get yourself feeling better. That can absolutely include a day out. Anyone who doesn't understand that has no idea about mental health. You won't go suddenly from hiding indoors finding it hard to get dressed to being back at work fine overnight. It's gradual improvement and that has to include going out for the day. Go and don't feel bad.

I was off for 5 months with depression 5 years ago. My wonderful doctor prescribed a holiday (as well as counselling and anti depressants!)

You have my deepest sympathy, if a child of mine died I don’t think I would ever work again tbh

This
Time off on good pay really does annoy colleagues. Nine months is a long old time to have off with others taking up the slack.
That's how most co workers would think if they saw someone at a theme park.

Off sick on no pay? ..Different story.

A child dying is completely different to a parent.

Should they judge? No.

will they? Yes. As this thread shows.

people are sadly horribly ignorant. A trip to a theme park with kids is vastly different to returning to work full time.

It's a difficult one because I can see both sides of the argument.

If I knew someone had been off sick for a long time and bumped into them at a theme park, I may feel a bit sceptical about their reason for still being off work - I think that is human nature. However, it isn't anyone else's business, really. It's between you and your employers.

I am sure you know you won't be able to be off indefinitely, with pay, and as long as you are taking active steps to get better and return to work, I see nothing wrong with it.

As a sufferer of intermittent long-term depression, I actually find being productive, contributing to society and keeping busy much better for my mental health in the long run.

Yes they will. Are you ready to return to work on phased return? 9 months is a very generous sick policy!

If you are starting back it doesn't look too bad but if you are well enough for the stress of a theme park I can understand how it looks from an employer

Not read the full thread but based on title alone, no Op you can do whatever you need to do to get back to full strength. As someone who's been there trust me nobody will even notice and if they do they won't criticise...and then if they do they're an ignorant prat. Wish you all the best in your recovery

Of it's not the person of sicks' problem. But you are utterly naive if you think that some people won't judge. Especially when the hard fact is it does cause increased work load for colleagues and managers.

At 9 months I'd be looking for steps to return or I'd be thinking about starting the process of dismissal so the person could be replaced.

if a child of mine died I don’t think I would ever work again tbh

Neither would I. What I certainly wouldn’t do is wring out my generous sick leave entitlement(NHS) until the very last day. I would hand in my notice, knowing I was never going back, and let them recruit someone else to do the job.

That's not what has happened though

I work in a supermarket, l had to return to work to sit on a checkout a week after my husband's funeral, same when my Dad died, if l don't work, l don't get paid

It isn't a rush to the bottom you know

Really we should be saying that all workers in the UK should have decent terms and conditions, compassionate leave, appropriate sick pay so they don't have to make themselves even more I'll in order to keep a roof over their head and food in their children's tummies.

Personally I think is disgusting that your employer didn't offer appropriate compassionate leave it sick pay to allow you to process those events.

Civil service is notorious for extended sick pay and people using it up.. If a 'buffer'' is there, some people will always use it to the max.
The longer the person is ''Off'', the harder it gets to come back.

@LolaSmiles but that isn’t realistic is it? Yes in a fantasy world we would all be given the necessary time to grieve but in the real world jobs need to be done and as @AnyFucker said if you think that is going to take years the best thing to do is resign.

Op - have you attempted a phased return at all?

OP after 9 months, people might be a bit unhappy yes. Rightly or wrongly.

if you do a phased return back which I’m assuming you will, could you take the children during that time on one of the non working days instead?

Two coworkers at a job I had a few years ago were each signed off for 9 months. Both depression / bereavement.

To be honest, EVERYONE at the company was pretty openly resentful because we were stuck covering the workload and our own mental health (with pre-existing conditions) suffered.

The two who went off were employees with 6 months of full sick pay, then half pay. Those of us stuck covering multiple roles were temps with only SSP and insecure contracts. We couldn't take time off sick.

In general, I think the routine of work is good for mental health. Hopefully you've been going to therapy etc and not just off for 9 months.

Should you be judged? No.

Will you be judged? Yes.

I do think it's a positive thing to do something that's fun and active. MH can't and shouldn't be treated the same as physical illnesses. It's important to get out there and start doing something normal things that will make you feel good.

However, your colleagues may judge you for this. Negatively, especially if they've had to cover you for 9 months. Maybe it's unfair but 9 months is a long time, and if there's still no sign of you returning to work, and then you go to a theme park, people may get a bit miffed about it.

That doesn't mean that you're wrong for going to the theme park, just that they will likely judge.

What I'd be most interested in is what steps are you taking to return to work, even on a phased return? You know that 9 months is a long time and at some point, something has got to give. They can't keep employing you if there's no sign that you will be returning or are taking appropriate steps to return.

That may not be what you want to hear, but it is a simple fact in any job, be it public or private sector.

God I mean the death of a child is miles away from the death of a parent, to me. I don’t think we can compare them in this context?

As long as you are fully truthful to your Dr that you feel able and can enjoy days out that require quite a bit of effort (I am always drained after a day at a theme park) so they can accuratey assess your fitness to work, then it is noone elses business.

I get that the kids will enjoy it - will you? A theme park is a LOT of stimulus, crowds, noises, sights, smells, even before you get on a ride. I'm just wondering if it might be more helpful all round to send the kids to a theme park with somebody else, and if you can do something nice for yourself with the day instead - like go to a spa, or get a massage. That way you get to do something positive for your wellbeing and the kids get the nice thing you want them to have, and you won't be worrying about how it will be being perceived.

I'd probably be wondering if 9 months might be milking it a little bit and as already said, if you may not have been off for so long if your sick pay wasn't quite so generous.