Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

I'd be really annoyed if I was a colleague that had been forced to cover your workload. A couple of weeks/months, no problem. But 9 months ??

But , I'd know that I was being U, & getting out & about is good for you.

What treatment has your GP/Psych suggested to get you back to leading a normal life ?

Yes I’d think you were taking the piss.

no I wouldn't judge someone who had been signed off with depression to the point of needing 9 months off for doing something nice with their kids.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. suffering with depression is horrendous and when I had it at my worse I didn't care if I woke up and some days genuinely felt dismayed that I had. fuck the people you work with - do what you need to do to get through. If they feel resentment that they are covering your work that's a management issue.

Although technically there's nothing wrong with it someone I use to work with went of with depression and they was posting their nights out on Facebook every weekend and everyone judged her. I'm currently off with mh issues and haven't left the house but it's only been a month, 9 months is very different. Personally I wouldn't do it but there is nothing wrong with doing it.

In my experience, possibly your colleagues will think you are taking the piss, but it's none of their business - your recovery is between you and your doctor; it's unlikely your doctor would advise against it. You could minimise the likelihood of your colleagues gossiping by not posting photos of the occasion on social media.

Just out of interest, how long will you continue to be paid whilst being off sick? I work in the NHS and it's 6 months full pay, 6 months half pay, with regular sickness reviews throughout. A colleague of mine (non clinical) had her fit note overruled by Occupational Health and she had to return to work, much to her dismay.

It depends OP, if you have been working on your depression and doing things on a regular basis like taking medication, perhaps engaging in therapy, exercising and watching your diet and gradually taking on more work at home and you were about to return to work then I wouldn't judge but tbh I think you could have perhaps have done this within a sixth month period but there again I don't know the seriousness of your illness, whether you have been hospitalised, whether ADs work for you or not. Good luck with your recovery anyway.

9 months is an unusually long time to be off sick. You should be getting support from occ health to manage a phased return. If not, watch out - you’ll be managed out soon.

I’d be miffed at a colleague being off for that long and it would only be made worse by knowing they’re seemingly carrying on fine with other things.

However if they were on a managed return to work plan, I’d feel happy for them getting back to “normal”.

The huge difference is how you’re showing up your intent to come back to work and ease the pressure on your colleagues.

Of course you should be able to take your kids out for a day but people might wonder when you aren't making moves to return to work, even if it's none of their business. Nine months is a very long time to be covering an absent colleague's workload.

If you were off sick with a physical illness or injury that prevented you from getting into work, or vomiting, the shits or an infection then yes I would say that's massively taking the piss.

But depression/mental health illness needs to be treated very differently. You are still allowed a social life and to do nice things for yourself/your kids. You are off because you can't cope with the every day demands of work, that doesn't mean you should be locked away crying into a pillow because that fits someone else's narrative.

I would keep it off social media and ask your kids not to say anything about it. Purely because people can be judgemental, thoughtless arse holes where depression is concerned and I couldn't be bothered with any smart arse comments about being off work.

Same! I don't like myself for it but I would judge, despite an effort not to. If you're well enough to spend a day having fun are you truly not well enough to go to work?

Yes I probably would think it was taking the piss slightly.

If you've been off for 9 months then yes I would judge.

If OP can not have a day of fun, they don't have pay docked or anything. They can simply not go.
Having a day in a theme park does not mean they care capable of being at work.. unless they work in a theme park.
This just reminds me of the thread about someone being off sick and several people saying that having a spa day means they could go to work. Like a spa day is anything like a day at work!

Hmmm mixed opinions! For those wondering, currently trying the sixth antidepressant I’ve taken and had a hospital admission in the mix too. So although 9 months may sound a long time there’s been a lot of treatment jn there. Definitely wouldn’t have gone back sooner jf sick pay less generous - I just can’t. But thanks to everyone suggesting I should be managed out, that’s done wonders for my anxiety levels.

If I was the one picking up your workload then yes,I'd be pissed off. Especially after 9 months

Yeah sorry I would be 🙄 if I saw a colleague had been to a theme park after being off for 9 months. If it was a couple of months due to bereavement and you were about to come back, I wouldn’t judge. But 9 months is an awfully long time and to be honest if you’re well enough to go to a theme park you’re well enough to work at this point.

You asked, OP.

I haven't seen anyone say that you SHOULD be, just that it was a possibility that it could happen?

You did ask.

I hope you feel better soon.

OP none of the people commenting are relevant to your life, neither are your work colleagues. You focus on getting yourself to a place where you can manage your day to day life and work. Until then you absolutely can go for a day out. Please don't let other peoples opinions sway you here, it doesn't matter what they think.

Surely you know you can't stay off forever and that if you don't make steps to return to work you potentially could be managed out.
Also can you imagine if all the civil service had 9 months off for this?

Agree with this..

I don't think anyone said you should be, just that it's a possibility. However, your employer would have to prove that your recurring sickness absence was negatively impacting their business first. It's probably wise to get clued up on the legal side of things, to cover yourself.

It’s between you, your employer and occupational health.

Unfortunately you need to develop a thick skin. Because mental illness is still misunderstood, some people do take the piss, and many people are feeling exhausted, overworked and irritable at the moment.

I have had to cover colleagues before who then popped up at restaurants, wearing new clothes from shopping trips etc. When you have been stressed and covering their workloads, it’s hard not to feel resentment. People are only human. I never ever showed it though and am glad I didn’t.

If you feel you need the time off and that this visit will help, just go on the trip and keep reminding yourself of your recovery and why you are doing it. It is likely people will comment, but you have to just put that to the back of your mind and focus on yourself; the others do not matter in the scheme of things. Easier said than done of course. I wish you well.