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AIBU?

Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

817 replies

Christmasbeach · 22/01/2023 09:21

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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dolor · 22/01/2023 09:23

Do you have any idea how many people would be grateful for that food right now?

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SuburbanMummy123 · 22/01/2023 09:24

How annoying, but difficult to turn down without coming across as rude. You are not unreasonable!

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RichardsGear · 22/01/2023 09:25

You'll have to very blunt and say you won't eat this meat etc so you don't want it. Thanks for the thought. She hands a bag over? Put in on the floor and leave it. She puts a bag on the back seat? Check the seat before leaving and put the bag on the doorstep. If she gets arsey about it, tough shit.

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ClockingTime · 22/01/2023 09:25

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RichardsGear · 22/01/2023 09:26

dolor · 22/01/2023 09:23

Do you have any idea how many people would be grateful for that food right now?

Not really the point though is it? OP doesn't want it.

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Woahtherehoney · 22/01/2023 09:27

I don’t think you’re ungrateful by rejecting food you don’t want but do think you’re unreasonable by shaming cheap food on here when that’s all some people can afford.

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Wazzzzzuuuuuuup · 22/01/2023 09:27

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She doesn't want it, didn't ask for it (nor did her DH) and it's wasteful

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meltingmyhead · 22/01/2023 09:27

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Hardly! Most adults prefer to choose their own food

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RichardsGear · 22/01/2023 09:28

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And MIL sounds like a control freak trying to foist unwanted items onto someone who is capable of choosing and buying their own

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marriednotdead · 22/01/2023 09:28

Suggest you ensure your DH is onside, he may secretly like it!
Then join Olio and give it away there, or to a local food bank. Her love language is not one you appreciate but she’s not going to stop so use it in a way others can benefit.

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Ukholidaysaregreat · 22/01/2023 09:28

At the beginning of your post I thought you were being unreasonable and should be grateful for the food as MIL is trying to be kind. By the end of your post I have completely changed my mind- who would want the lowest welfare chicken in a broken package that has to be eaten immediately. Its like Motherland when the inlaws come for Christmas Dinner and bring 1/4 of an onion!

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Onnabugeisha · 22/01/2023 09:28

YANBU from the waste aspect. I would look for a soup kitchen…many churches are running warm spaces with hot meals for their communities here in the U.K.
Then you can simply take the bag MIL gives you direct to that church or other community centre as a donation. They’d be happy with any of that tbh.

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RayaRyder · 22/01/2023 09:29

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Weirdwonders · 22/01/2023 09:29

Why does not wanting unrequested, unnecessary food make the OP a spoiled brat? Her MIL would be better making a donation to a food bank rather than palm off unwanted stuff on her son and daughter in law. I can’t stand this type of thing.

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HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 22/01/2023 09:29

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AlwaysCountYourPennies · 22/01/2023 09:29

Why are you taking it if you don't want it?
Keep giving it back. If you take it she will keep doing it.
You are pregnant not your dp....

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LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 22/01/2023 09:29

dolor · 22/01/2023 09:23

Do you have any idea how many people would be grateful for that food right now?

OP is probably acutely aware that other people really need MILs gifts.

So maybe MIL could give it to them, not to someone who already has more than enough? And maybe MIL could start listening and respecting the views of others?

As a child I could never understand the whole "eat up your food, there are starving children in Africa" mantra. So give it to the starving children, not to me!

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RudsyFarmer · 22/01/2023 09:30

i can see your point. Perhaps ask her to hatch cook you something so she felt useful. Perhaps a meal a week or something.

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LaLaLouella · 22/01/2023 09:30

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No she doesn't- I'm sorry if you are struggling and would appreciate this type of gesture, but OP isn't and doesn't want random cheap, processed food foisted on her. I wouldn't either!

I think you need to be direct with both DH and MIL - thank her for the gesture but ask her to stop. You have planned your meals in advance and suddenly getting random items to cook is both annoying and a waste. If she insists, hand it back to her - no thanks, we have dinner planned already! Store cupboard stuff you don't want can be donated to a foodbank.

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fiesta · 22/01/2023 09:30

Hmm honestly I think you are not coming off well and coming across as snobbish.. it might be mildly irritating but is this really a hill you want to die on? She is trying to be generous. I know MIL have a bad rep on MN and sometimes rightly so in this case I think you are overeacting

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RudsyFarmer · 22/01/2023 09:30

*batch

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CrapBucket · 22/01/2023 09:30

So wasteful of her. My ex sometimes sends the kids home with random short life food that knackers my meal planning and expects gratitude, its very tiresome.

I keep meaning to set up Olio which is probably the best way of passing it on and helping someone who actually needs it.

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musicexport · 22/01/2023 09:30

Just pop it down to your local food bank and tell MIL that you're very grateful for her kindness but as you plans your meals ahead, you weren't able to use it.

There's nothing here to be offended by. She probably thinks she's helping you and just trying to be a good mum. If you can't use it, lots of people certainly will be able to.

By the way, there's nothing wrong with Asda Essentials. Ugly packaging for sure, but nothing wrong with the food and a lot of people would be extremely grateful for it.

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freewimbledonwomble · 22/01/2023 09:30

We're pregnant

Really? Is your husband growing a baby in his womb?

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UnfinishedBusiness · 22/01/2023 09:31

Tell her you are only eating organic for the babies health, and then hopefully at least she’ll buy you stuff you might actually eat yourself!

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