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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

820 replies

Christmasbeach · 22/01/2023 09:21

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 22/01/2023 09:40

YANBU your husband needs to deal with that and put a stop to it.

But posting your attitudes about cheap food on a forum for thousands of people, plenty of who have no option but to buy that food is pretty done deaf, and wasn’t needed to make your point. People can do their absolute best to take care of their bodies like you, but also still need to get by with Asda essentials.

frazzledasarock · 22/01/2023 09:40

Will food banks even accept, food in damaged packaging with no information label on it?

Unescorted · 22/01/2023 09:41

@Chihuahuasrule I was thinking of a bin. Which granted is a waste but easier to deal with than an estranged mil and a husband caught in the middle 10 years down the line.

MajorCarolDanvers · 22/01/2023 09:41

frazzledasarock · 22/01/2023 09:40

Will food banks even accept, food in damaged packaging with no information label on it?

They won't.

And many can't take fresh food like meat at all as they can't store it.

autienotnaughty · 22/01/2023 09:41

I can understand you don't want/ need it. Either ask dh to tell her to stop/donate to food charity instead.
Or you donate the food yourselves

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/01/2023 09:42

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For the last time, not uncooked meat! Food banks are not an alternative to the bin.

Quinoawoman · 22/01/2023 09:43

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/01/2023 09:42

For the last time, not uncooked meat! Food banks are not an alternative to the bin.

She can put in on olio

BeeDavis · 22/01/2023 09:43

freewimbledonwomble · 22/01/2023 09:30

We're pregnant

Really? Is your husband growing a baby in his womb?

Why do people get so triggered by this statement!! Do women just get pregnant on their own?!

RayaRyder · 22/01/2023 09:45

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UnbeatenMum · 22/01/2023 09:45

My friend's Mum bought them nappies throughout her pregnancy so they had a stack of all different sizes once the baby arrived. Also no expiry date and easy to pass on if they're not needed. Maybe DP could redirect his Mum onto something like that?

NoCatsToday · 22/01/2023 09:45

She's going to be offended whatever you do so offered her now before it has time to become a massive issue.

Say (or get DH) to say 'it's very kind of you to think of us but we can't use the food and I hate throwing it away. Why not put the money saved towards something for the baby in X months time. Thank you'

RayaRyder · 22/01/2023 09:46

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NoCatsToday · 22/01/2023 09:46

Offend. Not offered

freewimbledonwomble · 22/01/2023 09:46

*BeeDavis · Today 09:43
freewimbledonwomble · Today 09:30
We're pregnant

Really? Is your husband growing a baby in his womb?
Why do people get so triggered by this statement!! Do women just get pregnant on their own?!*

Because it is a ridiculous statement and not true.
They are both expecting a baby but only the mother is pregnant.

EyesOnThePies · 22/01/2023 09:47

dolor · 22/01/2023 09:23

Do you have any idea how many people would be grateful for that food right now?

Which is why the MILs urge to feed / be generous would be better focussed on making Food Bank donations than foisting food on well off people who don’t need it.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 22/01/2023 09:47

Just be firm.

“Thanks for the offer, I know you’re being kind but it’s not something we’ll be able to use. We’ve got the shopping sorted and it would just go to waste.
But thanks for the kind thought.”

And hand it back.

Nosejobent · 22/01/2023 09:48

BeeDavis · 22/01/2023 09:43

Why do people get so triggered by this statement!! Do women just get pregnant on their own?!

No, women don’t get pregnant on their own but are pregnant on their own if that makes sense.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 22/01/2023 09:49

Just put it down to MIL eccentricities. I get you, I really do but take it as coming from a place of love, not criticism.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 22/01/2023 09:50

My mum does this if I go to visit granted I'm coming home with biscuits, crisps, cereal and cake. If she visits me she goes shopping and piles it in. 😂

I'm not offended and I can afford my own food, but she worries and to me she's just being a good mum just like your MIL is, it could be worse she could be taking it off your family!

stemthetide · 22/01/2023 09:50

Having to throw the food in the bin would really upset me. It's awful to waste food for no good reason like illness.

eurochick · 22/01/2023 09:50

The OP's partner needs to sort this. Bil has managed to so he can too.

opencheese · 22/01/2023 09:51

Donate to your local foodbank or larder

WillTimeCome · 22/01/2023 09:52

Talk about making a mountain out a molehill OP. I do also agree that it comes over as spoilt, snobbish and ungrateful.

AlisonDonut · 22/01/2023 09:52

Your husband needs to tell her to stop buying you food.

That's it. That's the response.

pinkyredrose · 22/01/2023 09:52

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Are you hard of understanding?