Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

I think the problem is that he sometimes take it. He needs to say - no every time and check the back seat. I don’t eat low welfare meat either, I’d rather buy less and bulk it out.

My MIL used to buy food ‘for the children’ which was mainly highly processed junk and try and hoist it on us. We just gave it back every time. I remember she brought a whole bag of fruit strings once. We insisted that she took them back with her. Then she did stop.

it’s weird and annoying!

I would put a post on your local Facebook.Would anyone like a bag of food please collect. Someone will be grateful I am sure.

Correct. We got pregnant. I am pregnant.

This.

You are both expecting a baby, but you are the only one who is pregnant

YABU. Your DP isn't pregnant.

Tell her to stop - you’re having to bin a lot of the food as you meal plan and have your own tastes in food. It won’t stop otherwise and she’ll be giving you more when you have the baby.
If she says you’re unappreciative then agree with her and say it’s because you’re an adult who likes to choose their own food but thanks for thinking of us!

YABU for feeling offended. I've never heard of anyone buying food for someone in a "malicious" way....is that even possible? She thinks she's being kind, end of.

YABU for shaming Asda Essentials range, some people can't afford anything never mind Asda essentials.

YANBU for not wanting her donations if it's not what you eat. DP needs to have a firm conversation with her and tell her the stuff is going to waste as it's not what you eat, or tell her it goes to the food bank and that will stop her.

My parents do this as they have time to go to lots of shops. I don't. I am really grateful. If I don't use it it goes in the bin or put on olio. It's not a big deal.

OP my MIL does this from time to time, we’re farmers, I have a feeezer full of home butchered meat, I categorically refuse to buy meat from the supermarket and I find it borderline offensive that she insists on buying us shit that I don’t want when I’ve told her several times.

I usually donate it to a couple of old boys in the village who my husband knows through the pub. They’re grateful for it and I’m not wasting it, but it’s fucking annoying. Good banks won’t accept fresh but community cafes / soup kitchens will as long as it’s in date and packaged.

Your husband isn’t pregnant, basic biology fail there!

It's an inlaw thing I think. I dread it when I see my MIL or FIL arriving with bags haha. Usually tinned food, sweet items, clothing, random bits like clips and food bags but I'm also very greatful. They arnt without Money to say least and anything we won't use I dole out to the OAPs on my street once they have gone. I feel your frustration but at the same time it's lovley.

I have had this in the past, it does annoy me sometimes but in a practical way, I don't place some issue thing around it

I’m with you on this one!

Do you have any idea how many people would be grateful for that food right now?

OFGS - comments like this are in the "eat everything on your plate there are other children starving who would be glad of that food" category. The op doesn't want the stuff. She doesn't have to be grateful.

I had an MIL who bought things for us without any appreciation of whether we wanted those things (and 99.9% of the time we didn't). I never managed to change her and in her twilight years, when she couldn't get out, she took to ordering things from catalogues for us. Incredibly kind but completely oblivious to what we might like/be able to use, and seemingly unable to sound us out before buying.

OP please ignore the comments suggesting you are being ungrateful and snobbish because you don't want food forced on you! I grew up eating the cheapest possible food because thats all my family could afford. Now I have control over what I buy and can afford more expensive items. I would not eat Asda savers chicken in a damaged box. Especially when pregnant.That does not mean that I look down on those who need to be more frugal.

I have a similar issue with my MIL. You just need to say 'thank you but its going to go to waste as I have everything I need this week' then absolutely do not take it. Leave it on the floor...put it out of the car. Whatever you need to do.

You describe it as your MIL almost trying to prove a point. After over a decade of comments from my MILI have found a sweet smile and agreement to be my best tools in dealing with this. 'Yes MIL I am very particular about what I eat....Yes MIL I do spend a lot of money on food...Yes MIL but its my money to spend as I see fit' etc etc My MIL doesn't mean any harm - we are just very different women. She viewed food as something which she wanted to spend the least amount on as possible - it was a burden for her. I love food and enjoy cooking and eating well and don't mind it being a big part of my budget.

So the MIL can give it to a food bank, what's your point?

“We’re pregnant”

I’m sorry but I stopped reading at this. You’re pregnant, not him.

How ungrateful. My own mum used to give me bits of shopping when my kids were little, just to help us out. I do the same with my son (41 with 2 kids). Every time I see him, I give him stuff from the cupboard/freezer. Yesterday, he went home with rice, pasta, sausages, cheese, chicken portions and apples.

Those of you who are calling OP names for not wanting Asda essentials chicken- do you not care about animal welfare?

How embarrassing for your son! He probably takes it because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings

YANBU op. If you meal plan you will already have food for that day and sometimes it's hard to juggle around with use buy dates etc...its just going to go in the bin. And yes you could give it to a food bank (although surely no one is going to take stuff already out its packaging) but as its fresh food that you might not have storage for it puts an obligation on you to do an urgent job each time.

What did your partner say to her? I think this was the perfect opportunity for him to say 'actually mum it's not that I dont appreciate the thought, we both do, but most of the food ends up being given away so OP just doesn't want to see your effort go to waste'.

I'd leave him to deal with all of it if he wont say anything.

And the 'lots of people would kill for that food' comments are irrelevant, the OP shouldn't have to eat food they dont want or need because some people are in need...surely if his mum didnt buy all the bargains there would be more to go around

If you’re not married, she’s not your mother in law.

Asda essentials is red tractor, British assured welfare chicken. It doesn’t always translate that ££= higher welfare. Sainsburys for example have a shit track record for stocking foreign and lower welfare meat which doesn’t conform to red tractor British standards and they still charge significantly more for it, FYI.

Yanbu OP. Some of the replies on this thread are literally pathetic and a fine example of why I hardly use Mumsnet anymore.

"People would be so grateful for that food" is a reply worthy of the year 6 debating society.

I would not knowingly eat value meat either. I often order vegetarian or vegan when eating out for the very same reasons. It's not uncommon!!

@pinkyredrose why the need to be rude ?