Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

He needs to say no to her; it’s a complete waste of food and time and money to buy you stuff you don’t want and won’t eat.

Is there a local food bank?

There was a post on here a while ago from someone whose mum was overbearing like this

And lots of posters were like this. Oh but she's being nice. She's doing it because she cares. You're so ungrateful.

But actually I think it's very controlling. She could be sending you Kobe wagyu steak but if it's unwanted it's stepping over your boundaries

As with the other poster the more that unravelled the more it showed how the mum just needed to be control and worryingly was now moving on to her grandkids.

That subtle undermining of authority? Her judging you on what you order at a restaurant? Oh that is going to get a hell of a lot worse when there's a grandchild in the picture.

So I would be making sure dh is on side and getting him to cut it off. But it needs to come from him.

And you sound pig ignorant.

No, they don't. But only one of them is pregnant.

I would hate that too. When I had COVID I was very grateful to people dropping off food to us. Some of which we never eat but we were very grateful but I hate to be eating this food every week and I hate wasting good food. Explain to her that while you are very grateful you are doubling up.

Ask her to pop it in the food bank, or buy food for the food bank instead and leave the bargains for those in dire straights

Facebook and Olio take up loads of time. Full of eejits and time wasters who ask loads of questions, say they will collect and don’t, you have to commit to being in… busy working people can do without this rigmarole week in week out. It’s MIL creating an extra job.

And that's where the food should go - to people who need it.

We have friends who his parents do this for. We find it odd. I assumed they were picking things up to help out; 'we were at the shop anyway' kind of thing. But it's almost everyday. I now think perhaps the family are a bit hard up. That or the apron strings haven't been properly severed.

Be firm OP, or accept the food graciously.

Ooo I feel like this post is just designed to annoy people OP.

Id tell her, or better still your H should tell her, that you know its coming from the right place, she wants to keep caring about her little biy.
But please stop now, just an old favorite home made dish or fruit cake occasionally if shes in the mood.
But you do not eat the budget chicken, its going in the bin & that is unacceptable..
You eat little meat & try to eat healthily.
Its a complete waste of food, & her money. You wont be accepting any more.
But, she could stick a couple of £ a week in a pot towards something for the baby if she chooses.

My MIL would send random food - usually stuff she'd been given (like a full bag of limes) or from her pantry close to it's use by date, often things I couldn't eat (allergies). Once we came home from holidays to find a gifted expired quiche in our fridge 🤢 for dinner! DH hates waste so I'd dispose of it quietly.

The food I could handle better than the random charity shop items, often toys that were huge or noisy, or ridiculous items I'd never use. I'm minimalist so they usually disappeared. I just threw the hideous material she expected me to sew into a tablecloth & use. I don't sew. Or use tablecloths.

@Christmasbeach

Ignore the rude twats on here this morning op

Some people just have to jump in and be nasty eh.

Anyway I had the same problem with my mum many years ago and it's not bloody ungrateful when you don't ask for it or eat it.

It's wasteful on HER part not yours if you keep telling her not to.

In the end I got so pissed off with it that I told my mum the food bank were really grateful for whatever she sends our way as it would be a shame for it to go to waste.

The lady that runs the local food pantry lives a few doors up from me and they have fridge and freezer facilities at the pantry now so I take it to her and it never goes to waste.

So that's an option.

She still sends things like tea bags or biscuits that are on offer over and again I give them straight to the food pantry.

Maybe you could do that?

@Ukholidaysaregreat that scene in Motherland is one of my all time favourites! Makes me laugh every time.

But its food thats not wanted or needed? How is she ungrateful? Help thats forced on you is not help.

Its lovely you appreciate your MIL buying you food. If she repeatedly bought food you didn't like and made you take it would you still think it was lovely when it was just going to go to waste? Should OP force herself to eat this food?

Its unreasonable to criticise OP just because her MIL chooses to foist unwanted items on her

There are some really unpleasant comments in here…. Saying you are a twat for example is just unnecessary.
anyway …. Sit next to her and set up an olio account. Maybe she will get the message.
It sounds like her love language is giving.
You don’t like/want/need what she is giving. Maybe say thanks that’s great if you see (whatever thing you do like) could you get me so please, that would be really helpful.
Just suggestions.

@LaLaLouella whose struggling, me or the op?
If you mean me, I can assure you that I'm not struggling for food or anything else, thank you.
Maybe the op would prefer her mil to buy her food from Waitrose or farm shops.
Asda essentials, how common!

I totally missed the point and fixated on this too!

😂

leave the bargains for those in dire straights

I think Mark Knopfler has enough money to feed himself!

But they don't want it !!!!
Maybe take to a food bank - if you have time

This.

MIL is being kind. If you don't want it, put what's suitable in a local food bank.

@Christmasbeach

And also ignore those saying your moaning it's essentials range

I spent a lot of my younger years buying essentials meat as I couldn't afford any other and it was fine however it's not my choice to buy it now as we choose to spend on better quality meats as we can afford it.

That's not being rude or snobby at all.
We all have a preference and a budget to suit.

All the more reason to not give it to someone who already has plenty, as it will just go to waste if no room in the freezer to store. If the OP’s MiL has some spare cash, she can give it to the food bank so it goes to those who actually need it.

And you sound like you don’t realise the MIL’s behaviour is intrusive, infantilising and a power play.