Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

I think MiL thinks she’s being kind and helpful.

Quite. Stupidity. 😂😂😂🤣

Only 8 more pages to go…

Is that when the thread is closed for new comments?

Hallelujah.

My husband had the misfortune to lose his job when his work closed down. My MIL helped us out by buying one 39p tin of meat.
Just be happy she is generous and thinking of the two of you.
No-one said you had to eat it. Hand it in to a food bank.

I wonder why none of the previous 800 posts mentioned handing it to a food bank 🤦🏻‍♀️

Wow, great idea

Yes indeed. Wonder how many ‘take it to a food bank’s there’ll be in that time.

Do you mean a food bank collection point? So, one of those big boxes you see in selected supermarkets? In which you definitely couldn’t drop a bag of raw chicken?

You wouldn't be saying that if you were in the position of the needy!

She’s not though. And neither is the OP. So why doesn’t the MIL give it to someone who actually needs it?

Or even better, why doesn't the OP accept it and donate it to someone who desperately needs it? That way, MIL would be happy, someone at the lower end of the food chain would be happy and the OP wouldn't feel the need to whinge on here anymore about something so damn petty!

Exactly .

It makes no logical sense to be giving food to someone who can easily afford it and ignore them when they tell you to please not to unless the giver is trying to make a point or it is more about the giver’s satisfaction than the receiver.

Why should she be taking time to donate food she has politely asked not to be given?

It’s petty to ignore the request of someone and give them an extra task as if their time has no value. Why does MIL’s giving of unwanted food that she only started when OP was pregnant and has openly criticised her diet for trump OP’s request and time?

Or she could just be selfish and tell her MIL to p!ss off, which of course she wouldn't do if it was her own mum. There lies the crux of this tale!

Why is that better? Better for the MIL, but not the OP.

She has asked the MIL to stop sending it, and the MIL is still doing it. Selfish.

You're automatically assuming OP is some sort of she-devil because the issue is regarding her MIL.

If it was her own mum she would probably feel more comfortable in saying 'thanks, but as I've said before we really don't eat processed food. I'd much rather you spent the money on yourself, but if you want to help out we'd really appreciate some nappies, etc for when the baby arrives.'

That is the very simple solution to this problem. Not for MIL/OP to become an extra, unecessary step in the food bank supply chain as PP keep suggesting.

Better for the good of selfless family relationships. Don't get it, do you? That speaks volumes!

No it doesn’t 😂, don’t be ridiculous. If the MIL wants to do something kind, she can give food to people who actually need/want it, rather than it going to waste or creating extra work for the OP in redistributing it.
It isn’t ‘kind’ or ‘selfless’ to give people things they don’t need or want and have asked not to be given.

No, you don't get it.

Are you really so afraid of confrontation that you wouldn't tell a family member that whilst you appreciate the thought, you don't use the stuff they keep giving you, so there's no need to keep giving it?

Would you not care that the family member is actually wasting their money, money that could be better spent on themselves? As many have been keen to point out, there is a cost of living crisis happening right now, so surely its more selfless of OP to help MIL save money by asking her to stop buying food they don't use.

Do you not care that, since perishables won't be accept by the majority of food banks*, either this food or the food that OP has already bought will probabl end up in the bin? The planet is already ducked but we don't need more unecessary food and plastic waste adding to it.

Do you not care that MIL is buying food from the discounted section, which is preventing needy families from buying it for themselves? As I've said, we're in a cost of living crisis so buying up discounted products when you won't use them is incredibly thoughtless.

• yes there are alternatives to food banks (Olio) but it's already been covered that OP should not have to spend her free time auctioning off bits of food that she hasn't asked for.

It’s no reflection on how OP feels about her MIL.
I don’t like mine but by crikey that woman can bake - I would accept her cakes from The Devil himself

Why are we even discussing this trivial garbage? 😁

I have a big social network and don’t know anyone who would appreciate a bag of nearly out of date chicken bits. I can’t even imagine sending that text out.

I would. I’d cook them for the dog and she’d think all her birthdays had come at once. So your text should read “Does anyone with a dog want some chicken that’s past its best? If so please pop round and get it”.