Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

Maybe the op would prefer her mil to buy her food from Waitrose or farm shops.
Asda essentials, how common!

Maybe the OP would prefer to buy where she wants and what she wants and not have stuff she doesn't eat forced on her to have to deal with or throw away.

😂😂😂😂

This

In the COLC. this is a really tasteless thread @Christmasbeach

Its her way of showing love.

My wonderful mum was incapable of coming tovisit is without bringing food. When I'm catering, I need to feel organised and know exactly what in making and preparing, and people bringing extra stuff (other than wine or chocolates) throws me and is added stress.

I can't count the number of times I asked my MIL not to bring anything, but that element of love that was providing for her family, was just too strong. It did get better in that she'd only turn up with a couple of things, but she couldn't walk through the door with nothing.

I was simultaneously mildly irritated and full of love for her!

@RayaRyder do you know of any supermarket food bank drop off points with a fridge section? That would be handy.

Just graciously accept it then take it to a food bank.

Sorry, that was my wonderful MIL, not mum. Autocorrect. My mum is not wonderful.

Maybe the op would prefer her mil to buy her food from Waitrose or farm shops.
Asda essentials, how common!

The OP wants, and can afford, to buy her own food, from wherever she wants to buy it.

Most banks don’t take fresh meat.

Gosh I would be so happy if someone was buying food to help me out just now . Her heart is clearly in the right place , I would see it as a fun challenge as to what you can make with it !
Good luck with the pregnancy OP

I understand the frustration of receiving food that must be eaten that same day.

But the rest of the post comes across badly. I just don’t see the harm of a mother dropping the off a bag of food. Professional or not.

Next time thank her and tell her you will donate it to the food bank as you have already planned your meals and done the shopping.
Or could you phrase it in a way that you don't want her wasting her mo eye on the food and you'd rather she saved it for the baby?

It's designed to be, come on people open your eyes, OP throws in a grenade of a post and stands back to watch the inevitable chaos ensue.

Bring her a big head of broccoli and tell her you've noticed she doesn't eat enough veg and it was on offer, See how she reacts

@WhatDoYouWantNow do you know whether he (and partner if he has one) wants the food you are giving them. Maybe, you are the MIL in this scenario.

Doesn’t matter, OP doesn’t want or need it.

same refrigeration needed problem with supermarket drop off

Mil does this and it drives me insane. We don't want or need it and it mostly gets thrown out.

I totally understand because my mother does this to us. Every time she shows up with bags of food or when we visit she tries to offload food onto us. It’s always going out of date and been bought cheap. It is a huge conflict because lots of people would love to receive that now but at the same time like you we meal plan so it’s often wasteful. I also suspect in our case that my mother has overbought because she can’t help buying reduced food and then tries to offload onto us. Over the years I have just made it clear we don’t want excess food and that we can’t always eat it. I freeze what I can or sometimes give cupboard stuff to food banks. Just to say that I sympathise and YANBU.

🤣

If he accepts the food then he can cook and eat it while you eat what you want. Problem solved.

The op has not come across well. However enforced food is tedious. There's a huge difference between a quick call from Waitrose saying "sirloin steak is reduced from £36 kg to £21, shall I pick you up a couple of steaks" and being given random bits in bag. Also I don't think a food bank is a great idea for fresh stuff on its sell by date.

Years ago, my mother used to go through a banal dance of "I'll cut you enough meat for cold meat for your dinner tonight", no thanks mum. "What about half a loaf and some cheese" no thanks mum, we've got bread at home. "Oh you'll need milk when you get back" no thanks mum. I took a bottle once - the bag fell off the back seat where she put. I never got rid of the smell of sour mild from that car. That was the final nail re her antics.

Years ago now, I reversed it and went on a and on like a duracell battery when she visited me. It stopped her. Perhaps the op should do the same. "Oh MIL you're so kind to us, I thought I'd make you up a pack with some vegan sausages and some of those nice feta and spinach tartlets we love - and I got some reduced cake and shoved that in too.

She isn't your MIL, she is your DP's mother.
Get him to tell her thanks mum, you are very generous, we don't need x so rather than waste your money if you want to buy us anything y would be great

Maybe accept the food and give to a food bank/ homeless shelter, that way the food won’t go to waste and you will be doing a good deed. Or tell the mil to give to food banks as some people do really need the extra help right now. I can see how it would be inconvenient for you as your pregnant. Just say it’s so much food and it will go to waste as we meal plan and don’t have much room in the fridge/freezer to keep it all. Then give her the suggestion to give to food banks. Some mothers just love to feed their sons whatever the age but it can be quite intrusive on your life. Mums need to understand that when there sons get married or have partners that they to keep out and focus on hobbies or there own marriage or whatever else they have going on.