DH not speaking to me because I went out

[Goingforplatinum]

Met a friend yesterday for a few drinks, met around 2. DH had DD2 and DSS. I was initially only supposed to be out a couple of hours, but I haven't been out in over a year (if I ever go anywhere DD always comes with me) and was just enjoying being me, so a couple of hours led to 4 hours and I was a little bit drunk (didn't take much as haven't drank since before DD was born. H went mad last n8ght saying I was supposed to be a couple of hours and he was stuck with the kids, then just basically snuffed me so I went to bed. This morning I got up with DD and he's barely speaking to me.
AIBU for going out and being out longer then i said I would??

Yes I am sure there are many homes where parents of young children being drunk in the middle of the day and rolling home hours later than planned wouldn't raise eyebrows, but in ours it would. I mean raising eyebrows isn't the end of the world but yes if I was expecting my husband home at 2:00 from lunch with friends and he rolled in at 6:00 drunk, my eyebrows would raise.

If had never happened before?

How has it been today Op? Sunday ruined because of tension?

I don't understand those who think the woman here was unreasonable because it's a pain for the man if he can't plan his afternoon because it's less efficient for him to do things with his kids tagging along. Having to do things inefficiently because you have to take your kids with you, is every hour of the day for SAHMs. You want to go to the grocery? Take the kids! Want to vacuum the flat? Small toddler clinging to your leg the whole time! Need to go to the doctor? Who is going to look after the kids while you go? Have to go to the pharmacy to pick up prescription? Don't forget to take the kids! Have an appointment at 2 pm? Oops, little Johnny vomited all over the carpet just as you were ready to leave, how are you supposed to be on time now? If a man can't do for two or four hours what women do every day without any break, then he is pretty unreasonable I think.

And it's even more unreasonable that a woman should have to limit her first social trip in a year to two hours, which is hardly anything once you account for time to travel to and from the meetup, and with a hard stop-time lest her carriage be turned into a pumpkin. Because, you see, doing care work, because it's time-consuming, tiring, and limiting to one's freedom, is always and only the job of a woman. If a woman ever wants respite from that, or to have her own life apart from the children at all, she needs to make an appointment with her husband as if he's a paid respite carer who must be allowed to clock out on the dot lest she be required to pay him overtime in the form of the silent treatment.

Seriously, I'm thisclose to just giving up on men altogether.

@musingsinmidlife

i know right!

some people have such straight laced lives

let your hair down a bit!!

@musingsinmidlife

but why? What’s the problem with it?

My ex husband used to do this except even when he knew I was going out he still didn’t speak to me the next day, notice ex husband. That’s also being able to count on one hand the amount of times I actually went out while with him during the 10 years of our relationship.
He was controlling then the next day after blanking me for 24 hours would then accuse me of cheating on him which never happened.

Nothing wrong with not wanting to “let your hair down for a bit”

but I do think there’s something wrong in judging someone for being returning home a little tipsy after not being out for over a year.

@Ursula82

me too! Op hadn’t been out in a whole year! How could any one judge or begrudge her 4 measly hours and a bit of tipsy- ness

really?!
like how could anyone have umbrage with that??!

While you carry on with your jargon in your narrow fettered unrealistic world.

Surrendered wives 🙄

You and I agree judging for tipsy ness would be unfair

but I think that common courtesy would call fora message when a change of plan has changed. I would do it for a friend or colleague, and I’d do it for my husband

Maybe it is you who has the low bar.

Well said Aloris.

You should feel very bad about this! It’s not at all acceptable, especially for a mother!

Midnight is too early! Find a club after 😂

The op has accepted she could have messaged, but it was 2 hours later, not 4 and she didn't "roll in drunk" , she was a bit tipsy. The key point for me is that the op said he doesn't care at all if she stays out later than expected if she has the kids with her, it's not a problem if she updates him or not. His sole problem in this case was not the lack of notice but the fact he was "stuck" with HIS kids, one of whom isn't even the OPs. His sulking and attitude is about that, not the lack of contact, and that is appalling.

@KillerSandy

how so?

Another pathetic 'DH/DP'

Ignore him and book another date in the diary PDQ. The more you do it, the more he'll get used to it.

He is NOT a babysitter, he is your DD father and your partner.

He'll throw his toys out of the pram, and then it'll go back to normal..

DO NOT let this put you off going out again OP, because that is his modus operandi.

I hope you had a bloody brilliant time

I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a thread on here where a man hasn’t been out in over a year unless it’s with the kids. I don’t know what planet these “if this was the other way around” women live on.

OP, he’s being extremely out of line and I’d make sure he parents his kids alone more often. I bet you don’t act like this when he goes out?

He sounds controlling (doesn't want you out on your own enjoying yourself) or lazy (can't be arsed to look after the kids) Either way he is a dick. Yep of course you should have texted to let him know but I suspect that isn't his problem especially if he has no problem with you being out for hours with DD, more likely he couldn't be bothered to look after his own child.

he's not sulking because he was worried about you and didnt know where you were, he's just angry because he was lumbered with the children, that's all... he doesnt want to be encumbered by them, in his mind that's your job.
It's nothing to do with concern for your well being, he's just annoyed at having to put up with his own children.

I bet it wouldn’t be an issue if it was the other way around! What an ass. My partner encourages me to stay out longer and enjoy myself!

The history of OP’s very recent threads suggests her DH has some serious mental health issues… on the brink of losing his job and no control over spending money.

Personally, I wouldn’t want someone like this in sole charge of my toddler

"DO NOT let this put you off going out again OP, because that is his modus operandi.

I hope you had a bloody brilliant time"

This indeed, the whole point is to make going out so stressful, knowing the scene that you come home to, that you will stop going.
He probably doesn't like you seeing family & disapproves of your friends.

Installing the "black cloud", is very effective, you worry about the return before you even leave, clock watch & generally feel uncomfortable for the whole evening/other.

Its a big part of living in an abusive relationship

but I think that common courtesy would call fora message when a change of plan has changed. I would do it for a friend or colleague, and I’d do it for my husband“

So would I, Ursula82. It’s not difficult, everyone has a cell phone. Seems that common courtesy is a thing of the past, though 🤷‍♀️