Page 3 | DH not speaking to me because I went out

Goingforplatinum · 2023-01-22T08:00:44+00:00

Met a friend yesterday for a few drinks, met around 2. DH had DD2 and DSS. I was initially only supposed to be out a couple of hours, but I haven't been out in over a year (if I ever go anywhere DD always comes with me) and was just enjoying being me, so a couple of hours led to 4 hours and I was a little bit drunk (didn't take much as haven't drank since before DD was born. H went mad last n8ght saying I was supposed to be a couple of hours and he was stuck with the kids, then just basically snuffed me so I went to bed. This morning I got up with DD and he's barely speaking to me. AIBU for going out and being out longer then i said I would??

FrenchandSaunders · 22/01/2023 09:36

Book a night away with a friends a OP, see how he likes that. Pathetic that he can’t look after his own kids for 4 hours!

flowersinmyhair15 · 22/01/2023 09:36

"Stuck with the kids" charming...
They're his kids too and should be more than happy to have some daddy/kid time on his own and should HAPPILY let you go out for a few hours to have a drink and let your hair down.

You're not just MUM you are who you were before your children AS WELL as being mum

Tell him to get over himself and if he don't he can stay away from you for the day until he's grown up - you already have children to look after you didn't want to be looking after him in his foul mood.
He needs to realise he has a responsibility to look after his children as well. 🙄

Monket · 22/01/2023 09:39

Voice of dissent, but I’d also be very annoyed in your DH’s position. If you’re expecting the other parent back at 4pm, you plan your afternoon with young children very differently to if you’re expecting to be “on duty” til 6pm. And not even messaging (or better, calling! I’m old fashioned…) to say you won’t be back as agreed, once it’s clear that you won’t be even close to the agreed time.

Obviously silent treatment is unacceptable, but being quiet and not chatty when you’re annoyed is not unreasonable or unusual.

I think looking after young children IS hard work and you should think about being more of a team- so you both get a break and no hard feelings. Going out for 4hs isn’t the issue, but the lack of communication is, IMO. Hope you had fun though, sounds like a great afternoon!

SquigglePigs · 22/01/2023 09:41

I actually think he has a point in terms of being a bit annoyed. If DH went out for a couple of hours in the middle of the day I'd plan an activity or activities with DD for a similar amount of time. If he then didn't rock up for another 2 hrs after that without having the courtesy to let me know I'd be pretty annoyed as it's likely we'd have had something in mind for when he got home. It's the lack of comms/consideration that's the issue here, not the actually being out part.

Having said that, sulking and not speaking to you last night and this morning is ridiculous and he needs to grow up!

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/01/2023 09:42

“Woman has a problem with a controlling male partner and some absolute geniuses on here manage to make this about men being hard done by. Brilliant“

this!!

so much internalised misogyny

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 09:44

YABU tbh. The women on here are bias.

If a man said he'd be back in a couple hours and disappeared without an update for over 4 hours, he would be deemed unreasonable.

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/01/2023 09:45

Monket · 22/01/2023 09:39

Voice of dissent, but I’d also be very annoyed in your DH’s position. If you’re expecting the other parent back at 4pm, you plan your afternoon with young children very differently to if you’re expecting to be “on duty” til 6pm. And not even messaging (or better, calling! I’m old fashioned…) to say you won’t be back as agreed, once it’s clear that you won’t be even close to the agreed time.

Obviously silent treatment is unacceptable, but being quiet and not chatty when you’re annoyed is not unreasonable or unusual.

I think looking after young children IS hard work and you should think about being more of a team- so you both get a break and no hard feelings. Going out for 4hs isn’t the issue, but the lack of communication is, IMO. Hope you had fun though, sounds like a great afternoon!

@Monket

nah why she need to call him ?!

i never call my husband when I’m out with the girls

most people would never fully believe that their partner would be back after a measly two hours when they haven’t been out for a whole YEAR!

he should have been prepared for you being out longer , frankly longer than 4 hours to be fair and for you to be hanging today just as he was after his Christmas party

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/01/2023 09:46

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 09:44

YABU tbh. The women on here are bias.

If a man said he'd be back in a couple hours and disappeared without an update for over 4 hours, he would be deemed unreasonable.

@BabyOnBoard90

nope

i would never expect my husband home After just two hours if he’d not been out in a whole year

and I wouldn’t be pissy with him either

and vice versa

we are not one another’s keepers

daisymade · 22/01/2023 09:47

I mean, ideally I do update DH and vice versa when we’re out with friends but usually we’re at the village pub and both of us accept the need to go out and be with friends occasionally- it’s good for your relationship with your DH to have that meaningful few hours of child free time. Your DH is a selfish arse.

Ursula82 · 22/01/2023 09:49

This issue aside Op

i will take a punt that your marriage is a bit shit generally

Monket · 22/01/2023 09:50

@LuckySantangelo35 very good point, thought the same but my post was getting too long. It was never going to be 2hs! 😂 Both OP and DH should have been more realistic…

Branleuse · 22/01/2023 09:51

I just cannot understand how people allow themselves to be dictated to like this or being in each others pockets.
Youre an adult and if you want to hang out with a mate, surely if your partner isnt at work then he just takes over with the kids for a bit safein the knowledge that he has same freedom?

Ursula82 · 22/01/2023 09:52

What is reasonable re level of expected contact is completely dependent on what is the normal for a couple ie if in contact often and frequently during the day and then suddenly… radio silence. That is unreasonable

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 09:54

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/01/2023 09:46

@BabyOnBoard90

nope

i would never expect my husband home After just two hours if he’d not been out in a whole year

and I wouldn’t be pissy with him either

and vice versa

we are not one another’s keepers

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That's great for you. Though my point still stands

Ursula82 · 22/01/2023 09:55

Out of interest… how old are the children?

VioletaDelValle · 22/01/2023 09:57

Surely everyone knows that going out for a couple of hours doesn't actually mean exactly 2 hours....... I mean you could have text but it's not the end of the world and doesn't warrant his behaviour.

Pollypocket1001 · 22/01/2023 10:00

He is being very unreasonable.
4 hours isn't a long time at all, you were out enjoying yourself.
Is he jealous that he hasn't had any time to himself lately? Or were the DC playing up for him?
I often stay out until 3 or 4 in the morning when I go out with my friends and my DH doesn't bat an eyelid. It's my time to do what I wish with. I hope you enjoyed your evening and don't let his strop put you off from going out again next time!

Ursula82 · 22/01/2023 10:03

Op you have started a number of of very recent threads about your DH and his mental health and situation at work and spending money.

So there is quite a lot more to this than you provide on this thread

JFDIYOLO · 22/01/2023 10:03

Another controlling arse resentful that the wife appliance appears to have malfunctioned

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 22/01/2023 10:04

Do you look after his son too when you are at home? ID be planning days out and evenings out with my mates regularly and leave both kids with him to watch. Then find yourself a job and plan your escape. HE sounds obnoxious and controlling

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/01/2023 10:10

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 09:54

That's great for you. Though my point still stands

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@BabyOnBoard90

I’m really not sure it does

it was OBVIOUS OP wasn’t gonna be back after just two hours when she’s not been out for over a year! It was never gonna be two hours. Lol

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 10:13

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/01/2023 10:10

@BabyOnBoard90

I’m really not sure it does

it was OBVIOUS OP wasn’t gonna be back after just two hours when she’s not been out for over a year! It was never gonna be two hours. Lol

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Objectively there's nothing obvious about it

Dillydollydingdong · 22/01/2023 10:14

He needs more practice at looking after the children. He doesn't know how to do it. And it's not about the fact that you didn't let him know you'd be late! It's about the fact that he was left with his DC!

Ursula82 · 22/01/2023 10:16

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 10:13

Objectively there's nothing obvious about it

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Agreed

I say thread after thread on mumsnet of OPs going on about how they’re “introverts” 🙄 and can’t wait for social engagements to be cancelled or wrapped up early

LadyGAgain · 22/01/2023 10:16

You have a serious problem brewing. He sees it that he did you A FAVOUR looking after HIS children. No you didn't have to message. You went out. You're not accountable to him. You need to sit down and discuss this and he needs to grow the fuck up.