My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

[NowYouTellMe]

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

Happy bday I'm sure they feel bad let them make it up to u

Sorry op.

Belated Happy Birthday

I never understand how this happens, does it not come up in conversation at all beforehand? I'm sure i would have been like "ooo shall we go to that new restaurant for my birthday?" or "shall we take my birthday off?" not reminding him or anything, just having general conversation

I'm really sorry @NowYouTellMe . Big hugs, and solidarity. I'd be furious and totally gutted. DH did forget my birthday a few years ago. The dc were still primary school age though. I was on call and he was actually saved by my work phone going at 6.50 am- but only after DD had been up for half an hour singing "happy birthday Mummy" and him being forced to admit he'd forgotten.

Whatever you do tonight, milk it for weeks. I'd also take a "so we're not doing birthdays anymore are we?" stance.

Why?

Tbh if you don't say anything, nothing will change. You shouldn't have to, but they sound uncaring the lot of them.

Yes, but why should the OP or anyone have to remind people about their own birthday?

It's one thing with small children, but another for teenagers/adults.

I am so sorry OP, and if they apologise, don't just say, 'never mind..' but say it's really unthoughtful.

My own mother forgot my birthday and said she forgot as she was in Disneyland . Guess she was on Mickey Time

The only way this will change is if you change how you 'do' birthdays for yourself. I'd buy a cake to have tomorrow, with candles and buy yourself some flowers. Let them all know it's not to happen again and that you expect your birthday to be recognised in future.

Agree with this. It's about time they learned that these celebrations are not owed to them; they are reciprocal acts of kindness among family members. If they can't reciprocate and be thoughtful of their mother, they don't deserve any recognition on their own birthdays.

What's their excuse?

Do you tell them they've forgotten two birthdays in a row ? If you don't, surely they can't have gone a couple of years without it occurring to them you must have had one/two . Has it not been mentioned at all ?

I always think that there must be much deeper problems in the family on threads like this. You clearly don't have friendly chit chatty, open relationships with your husband or kids or it would have come up. Maybe try and focus on bettering the family bonds over the next year or the same thing will more than likely keep happening.

I have a very vague husband and children. Im quite forgetful myself so i just remind them all (if i remember!) that my birthday is coming up and decide what i want to do.
I do ask my husband to remind the kids to wish me a happy birthday and make me brekie in bed or whatever.
This is the 2nd time its happened, they re not good at remembering dates (im pretty bad myself) so next year, take charge and ask them all to bring you out to dinner or get a takeout or whatever you would like.

Their mother's birthday??? It's not hard to remember!! You are just making her feel worse.

I think people are different when it comes to birthdays. Some feel remembering a birthday indicates how much someone cares about you and others don't feel this way . My family were never like this, my parents have forgotten my birthday a couple times but they are such caring great parents it doesn't bother me. My husband s family on the other hand put huge emphasis on birthdays.

Well it clearly is for her kids. She knows this and still chose not to say anything. My teens barely know what day of the week it is most of the time nevermind know what date it is. Dh and I have both forgotten out wedding anniversary for about 3 years in a row. Shit happens. The OP could have stopped this shit from happening but chose not to.

Shitty and self centred. So so sorry OP. I would be backing off doing things for them for a while until they can appreciate you more as you deserve.

Happy birthday. Yes, I would be upset too. They obviously need reminding. Let them know that it's not too late to treat you to a nice meal out.

I think you should call it a day, & tell them they are all selfish & uncaring. It hurts that no-one cared or remembered.
So neither will you from now on.
Then don't.

All those saying that they drop hints leading up to their birthday are with someone not much better. I don’t drop hints because my family know when my birthday is.
I get that you probably don’t want for anything but agreeing to no gifts for birthdays and/or Christmas is something I would never agree to.
I don’t want anything expensive just thoughtful. A trip to the cinema, lunch, some fluffy socks or a heart shaped dangling ornament thing, a playlist, a massive bar of fruit & nut, a book, just no flowers or plants.
If you have teen to adult children I’m guessing you’ve been together 20 years + you need to tell them that none of them acknowledged your birthday and how do they think that makes you feel.
Don’t you get any cards from friends or family?

Are they considerate in general, or is this just one symptom of thoughtlessness or ignoring you? I wouldn't simply 'forget their next birthdays just to make a point'; but I would have a serious talk with them about how this is the second time they've forgotten, and you're wondering if they don't like or care about birthdays (some people don't!) If that's the case, fine, and birthdays will be ignored for the future, but it should apply to everyone. If they do value birthdays, they should remember yours as well as theirs.

But like some pp, I wonder how people in your own family could all just forget your birthday, if you celebrate it. Don't you discuss it in advance? It makes me wonder if either they are being passive-aggressive; you are testing them by playing 'surprise-me' games; or there is a general problem with communication.

Agree with this.

Let me guess that all the MN spouses and children carry around these little black boxes that gives them information at their fingertips. I’m going to guess that said spouses and children are constantly accessing these little black boxes for important things such as cat videos, sports scores, and dumbass ‘challenges’.

There is literally no excuse not to take 30 seconds to add family birthdays to the helpful calendar function that exists in all of these little black boxes.

On the other hand, for the life of me I don’t understand people like the OP who don’t tell their family that they’ve fucked up and hurt their feelings. Yes it’s absolutely shitty thing to have happen, the first time. But if that first time happens without saying anything then well… I start to lose sympathy.

That’s unforgivable for your DH and any of your kids over the age of 15 tbh. I have known my mum’s birthday since around year 11 at school and got her a card by myself. I would go away for a day/night without telling them tbh (at a time when you know childcare will be sorted!) and then when they ask say you thought they forgot who you were. They are being very selfish.

There are few reasons that would excuse forgetting once, but twice?

OP, don't do anything for any of them again.

They literally do not care enough about you.

Happy birthday to you 🍸

Treat yourself this coming week and please be mindful to forget those that forgot about you.

Ps. I wouldn't want to be staying with anyone who forgot my birthday TWICE

January birthdays suck too. It's mine today.

Happy birthday OP, I hope you put a rocket up their arses!!

I’m sorry this is really sad. I could forgive my kids (although would make it clear I was upset) but I think bar an extreme health or bereavement I couldn’t forgive my husband.

Not ‘stupid’ tit for tat. It’s an opinion. She has a right to an opinion.
Why can’t people stop the nasty comments
You could say
Thats tit for tat behaviour
Rather than making someone feel small just because you’re hiding behind a screen.