My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

[NowYouTellMe]

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

I'm so sorry, OP. Happy birthday for yesterday! 🎈🎂

I have done exactly that this time

Sorry didn't read thread. Just because you've agreed no gifts that doesn't preclude a card, flowers, cake.

You sound down trodden OP :-(

Happy Birthday for yesterday 🎂💐

Next year book yourself into a spa

To anyone who finds themselves in this position, I’m not sure that it’s helpful to couch this as any adult or teen+ child ‘forgetting’ your birthday, particularly when the same happened last year. Smart phones, email calendar reminders and various apps exist, if they are really 🤔 so forgetful.

This is either a deliberate slight, or demonstration of complete lack of regard and disrespect.

Tell them the first time that it’s unacceptable, but this year I would absolutely be ignoring theirs.

That's terrible, pull them up on it and shame them, start looking out for yourself more and next year and Christmas tell them you expect a present, kindness and respect

What, exactly?

Set a trap and not reminded them?

Sorry but I'd leave someone if they couldn't remember my birthday.

It's really the bottom line.

And if needed they ought to remind your children.

How sad.

You are worth more. Happy Birthday for yesterday.

Hmm, right well it sounds as if you've both/all downgraded birthdays over the years to the extent that yours has fallen off the bottom of the list altogether.
If you want to rectify that, you need to get everyone on board and all make more of an effort.
Why haven't you and your husband exchanged gifts for many years? How did that come about?

No

You seem so sad OP, I know it’s such a shit feeling. Hope you’re okay.

happy birthday 💐

You what now?

You read the Op’s post and your comment above was the only thing you thought to write? Did you mean to sound so rude?

And while we’re at it, to posters exclaiming that their children would never forget, it might be well meaning but it’s a bit salt in the wound.

Op, happy birthday for yesterday. You do matter. You are worthy of being celebrated amd im so sorry you’re family are so wrapped up in their own lives that they didn’t think of you.

Sending unmumsnetty birthday hugs. ❤️

I didn’t remind them but that’s not setting a trap

Belated happy birthday to you @NowYouTellMe.

Irrespective of what you and your husband do (or don't do) to mark each other's birthday, I would have a word with your children. They will go out into the world thinking that not acknowledging a birthday is completely normal. It isn't. They should get you a card (at the very least).

You do matter. Everyone does. Again, doesn't matter what age you are in your lifetime, It's shit when no one marks it, particularly family.

Do you do anything to mark their birthdays? Even your husband? Do you get him a card???

Yep, then present your OH with the bill.
Happy birthday OP.

You need to remind them. You need to tell them your expectations. If they've gone years without acknowledging your birthday, and you haven't said anything, then it's not going to suddenly change.

That’s really sad. They should all be ashamed. One day a year (ok Mother’s Day too) to make a big old fuss of you to show how much they love you and they couldn’t be arsed. Are they normally so thoughtless?

Can I ask you @NowYouTellMe , do you use a family calendar? Even an 'old school' style one that isn't an app but one you put on the back of the kitchen door that people write on?
If not, get one.

Start writing down events and appointments etc.

Then you don't have to say anything but they have zero excuse for ignoring things.

The thing is - you know they forgot last year when you didn't remind them, so I don't understand why you didn't say anything again this year.

I do agree you shouldn't have to remind people, but why set yourself up for misery year after year?

I remind them about DH Birthday

So remind them about yours too.

Happy belated birthday! You and your husband both need to raise your games. You should exchange gifts, they don't have to cost lots, but it's important to feel appreciated and recognised. Your kids need to know that they need to value the people around them who love them. You remind your kids for your DH and vice versa. Remind your husband about your birthday and go out for lunch or something. Sorry but you sound partly responsible for this, you've accepted it too readily.

It comes over as perhaps being a tiny bit passive aggressive. (Waiting to see if they remember.)

It surely depends on how your family 'does things' around important dates.
Do you write stuff on a calendar? Use google diary?

How long have they been forgetting?

If you don't make a fuss when they forget, how would they know you are hurt?

Option 1
Call up your friends and go out tonight when asked where your going simply say out for your birthday

Option 2
Order yourself and only yourself a takeaway and when your husband asks whats for tea say you are having a takeaway to celebrate your birthday or if he doesn't realise until it arrives and asks where's his just say you only ordered for yourself for your birthday

Option 3
Get up tomorrow and go for a massage/spa either alone or with friends say nothing until you are leaving and when asked say you are off to celebrate your birthday

Option 4
Kick off

Option 5
Point blank say can't believe you forgot my birthday do I not matter?

Option 6
Order some things you would like for yourself and show your husband and say you are ordering them for your birthday

Option 7
Say nothing and be upset

Option 8
Don't do any of the housework or whatever you usually do for a few days until your husband asks you why you haven't done this or that and say you are having a chill out because of your birthday

Option 9
Do some of the above

Option 10
Do ALL of the above

Sorry this happened to you it's uncalled for. Happy birthday

I would turn into a passive aggressive cow, followed by teaching a lesson in empathy so at least the teens will treat their future partners better.

So why not remind them about yours too?

Your behaviour is bordering on being a bit silly, really.

@NowYouTellMe Happy birthday for yesterday. I hope they realised and are making it up to you.