My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

[NowYouTellMe]

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

This is also true! Thinking about it, there’s no way my husband would forget as we would be talking about it weeks in advance, like I might say ‘I’ve booked my bday off work if you want to go out’ and he would reply, or ask what I want to do, or anything I want from the kids. Why aren’t you having convos like this, are there other issues going on? Same with the kids, would you not say ‘let’s go X on this day as it’s my birthday next week’. If you teach them how you like to celebrate it will imprint on them and hopefully when they are a bit older they will model the same behaviour.

Just remind them in advance. Then you’ll never be disappointed.

I’ve just asked my DH when my birthday is. He answered with the correct date. He doesn’t need reminders. Maybe you and OP should ask your significant others when your birthdays are. You shouldn’t have to remind anyone.

I don't really understand why you didn't remind them. They forgot last year so why wouldn't you have reminded them this year? Did you forget about your birthday too?

It seems a bit churlish not to remind them to me. It's obviously nicer if you don't have to remind them but I'm sure you wouldn't be feeling so despondent if you had received some birthday wishes.
You could have made a bit of a joke about them forgetting last year and teased them about not forgetting again. It would have made the whole thing less of a big sad non event.

Let me guess your kids are boys and your husband is a man child who lines up with the kids to have his arse wiped for him. Pathetic. The disrespect is end game for me. Couldn't live in a relationship where someone thinks so fucking little of me that a month/date doesn't automatically ring a bell. My partners birthday is in April and I am already thinking of what to get her and do for her.

You obviously didn't make a big enough fuss last year!

Been there, done that & got the t-shirt. I deliberately did nothing in advance to bring to light the fact that no one would bother. I'm now divorced.

Twice ? Once is awful. Twice unforgivable !!!

Remind them of that fact. How would they like you to forget theirs

Riiiight, because it's OP's fault her selfish family forgets her birthday.

I honestly despair at how low the bar is on here sometimes.

Women are expected to remember every birthday and occasion alongside every other birthday and occasion associated to them, but it's ok for theirs to be missed PLUS they are to blame for not sending out reminders.

My 60th birthday in lockdown, no presents, flowers, balloons nothing except run of the mill birthday cards. I have never been so disappointed, DD and DH couldn't see the problem, said what were they supposed to do in lockdown? How about get online and get it sorted. Happy Birthday OP, I feel your pain

@FineHairHatesDamp My DH knows when when my birthday is, as I know his, but if it was not mentioned in the lead-up, not a single peep, and no expectation to buy him a gift, I can't say for sure in the chaos of life that I'd wake up on the day and just instinctively know it's his birthday even if the thought had gone through my head in the weeks and days coming up to it.

I don't go through life 100% sure of what date it is all the time and without having to check. Last year I didn't realise it was our anniversary until mid-afternoon despite me knowing very well what date it falls on.

Again, I don't understand how people don't have conversations around an impending birthday as it approaches, and I suspect there'd be many more 'forgotten' without that being quite usual.

Oh believe me I get exactly what I want for birthdays , Christmases etc - no good in complaining after the event but YES maybe you do need to rear children to show them that events like these are thoughtful so this won't happen.

What did you do to not end up in this situation?

Really sorry that happened. It's so upsetting not to feel remembered and honoured on your birthday. Sending you a hug and Happy Birthday wishes belatedly. Can you arrange to go out with a friend or friends for a celebration drink or lunch or dinner?
Can you ignore their birthdays to teach them a lesson in what it feels like and to awaken them to your importance in their lives? You shouldn't have to, of course.

Oh, come on. We knew the date of my mother's birthday from about age 7 or 8 and didn't have to be prodded to start creating cards and little handmade gifts. If teens lack the empathy, thoughfulness and consideration to do so, that's on their parents. There is no inherent inability for them to remember an important family date. I bet they don't forget their own birthdays, Christmas or other dates that benefit THEM!

Send a message in the family what’s app group and say you understand that birthdays are no longer celebrated in this family - so you will stick to that. And then do that

Nope I know my DH has a birthday, it's the same tone every year and I would never forget it.

Totally odd that you need "reminding".

*time

Why the fuck does she need to remind them? Jesus, the bar is so incredibly low for some women.

Personally I would book myself into a very nice spa hotel for at least 2 nights. Totally treat myself, just leave them a note, don’t want to be disturbed unless emergency & I would use his credit card. I have actually done this myself, after what it cost him he’s never forgotten any other birthdays. We all matter hun but unless we start recognising our own worth, how can we expect others too. Once I hit 30 I realised I could achieve so much, 30 years later, there is still no stopping me. Stand proud my lovely 💕

Well did you not say last week, what's happening on my birthday? Are we going out to dinner? Or some such? For you to say nothing is also a bit odd.

Happy birthday. I am sorry that happened to you. Honestly, I wouldn't have left it to chance!

You would remind them after last years debacle?

You need to have more self respect!

Is this where we’re at now on here? It’s the OP’s fault for not reminding her husband and grown children when her birthday is? If the fact they forgot last year didn’t shame them into, oh I don’t know, setting a reminder on their phone (what an effort) , then they just don’t care enough and that’s really hurtful! The onus isn’t on OP to remind the most significant people in her life of when her birthday is. If they gave a shit… they’d know. That’s why she’s upset. Not about her birthday, about the fact they didn’t give a shit. If she told them, yes, they’d know. But they still wouldn’t care beause they didn’t take the ten seconds it would take to set a reminder if they couldn’t commit it to memory. It’s not the birthday. It’s the not caring.

Why though? Eventually they need to remember this stuff on their own, being a teenager is no excuse. Why do people expect so little of others?

Sorry OP, that's really shit.

Well, it seems to me she has two choices.

Keep going the way she is, and getting increasingly more upset and disappointed as the years go by - or, change how she approaches things and remind them that her birthday is coming up. Personally - I'd rather remind someone than constantly set myself up for misery every year.

I also can't imagine never mentioning my birthday at all in the lead up to it - even if it's just to say "I'll be working my birthday so could we go out the weekend after instead?".