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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

359 replies

NowYouTellMe · 21/01/2023 16:33

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

OP posts:
user1471556818 · 21/01/2023 17:25

Happy birthday, I saw this happen to several colleagues and it still shocks me
I would sit them down and tell them how it makes you feel
Kids all have phones they can put it on calendar for next Yr during the chat
As can you husband, I would miss his next birthday but I'm very much birthdays are your special day and we all need to be spoiled ,not with gifts but with time and actions

EarringsandLipstick · 21/01/2023 17:26

ginslinger · 21/01/2023 17:16

Please sit them down and tell them how you feel. Ask them how they would feel if you just didn't bother for their birthdays. Tell them they are selfish and they have hurt you

This exactly.

You need to stand up for yourself.

This is disgraceful. And especially by your H.

They can't fix forgetting your birthday. But they can apologise and do better, and treat you well in other ways now.

EarringsandLipstick · 21/01/2023 17:27

chezpopbang · 21/01/2023 17:21

Well you know the answer! Forget their birthday's

That's not the answer. That's stupid tit-for-tat behaviour that does nothing to reinforce thoughtful caring behaviour that should be part of family life.

Tilllly · 21/01/2023 17:28

NowYouTellMe · 21/01/2023 17:03

Same thing happened last year! It was yesterday.

That's absolutely shit and totally unacceptable

Mine forgot Mother's Day a couple of years ago. (Whilst I was waiting to hear about a breast cancer biopsy - that I'd not told them about tbf)

I threw a right wobble. Took myself off to a local premier inn and had a face pack etc and a bottle of wine. It was childish and spiteful but it woke them up

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 21/01/2023 17:28

Haven't you said anything to them?

Testina · 21/01/2023 17:29

NowYouTellMe · 21/01/2023 17:03

Same thing happened last year! It was yesterday.

And I’m guessing the last 12 months has seen you acknowledge all of their birthdays?
What was said last year?
I wouldn’t be acknowledging any of theirs for the next round.

Shunkleisshiny · 21/01/2023 17:30

NowYouTellMe · 21/01/2023 17:14

I don’t expect them to make it up to me, it wasn’t malicious, just overlooked. I don’t seem to matter anymore

Happy belated Birthday, that's really hurtful Now, you have every right to be pissed off, but you do matter, it's not your fault they are clueless.

As a lot of the pps have said don't bother with their birthdays this year, and next year book a lunch out with your family or friends that do remember your birthday.

Patchworksack · 21/01/2023 17:32

I’m so sorry. I think as you get older your birthday matters to fewer and fewer people but I would be super hurt if my husband forgot. My children are encouraged to buy small gifts for immediate family’s birthdays from their pocket money and at the moment that relies on the chivvy-er (other parent) to make it happen but hopefully setting them up for that expectation. It’s not about the gifts, but you are important and deserve to be made a fuss of. Another one saying you need to be discussing it in advance though - this would be normal in our house about anyone’s birthday - asking what the person wants to do to celebrate. Please tell them how hurt and upset you are, if you make out you are not that bothered you will get the same rubbish treatment next year. Buy yourself an enormous bunch of flowers and a gift!

rogueone · 21/01/2023 17:33

If they missed it two years in a row I am upset for you. You should not have to accept that and it is malicious for them to not even ensure that this year it wasnt missed. Your DH is a shit and it doesn't reflect well and if doesnt treat you well and skips your birthdays your DC will have grown up seeing you as not important either. You should not accept this- I would be doing a shirley valentine and pissing off for a few weeks and leaving the lot of them

CountrysideHideaway · 21/01/2023 17:33

Did you/they not mention it over the last few weeks or talk about what you like to do? Did you mention it yesterday on your birthday?

dontleaveitthere · 21/01/2023 17:34

Have you told them?

My (admittedly far younger kids) would be horrified if they forgot my birthday.

It's their reaction after you tell them how hurt you are to be forgotten

And what had your dh said?! What happened in his birthday? Did everyone remember that?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/01/2023 17:34

The fact that they did it last year and you obviously didn't kick up a fuss makes it less surprising they 'forgot' again this year.

I'd go apeshit, where's your self worth? You deserve to be loved and being loved means remembering your birthday!!

I'd go round and ask each of them where your birthday present is?

AltheaVestr1t · 21/01/2023 17:34

Hmmm. I suspect I'm going against the grain here but I suspect the only way they can have forgotten is if you've set a trap for them. 'I'm not going to mention my birthday and we'll see if anyone remembers', in which case you only have yourself to blame. Now I'm pretty sure if I did this no one would remember mine either, so I don't. Creating scenarios for your loved ones to mess up doesn't do anyone any favours, just make your expectations clear and then you won't be disappointed.

Glorianna · 21/01/2023 17:35

Tilllly · 21/01/2023 17:28

That's absolutely shit and totally unacceptable

Mine forgot Mother's Day a couple of years ago. (Whilst I was waiting to hear about a breast cancer biopsy - that I'd not told them about tbf)

I threw a right wobble. Took myself off to a local premier inn and had a face pack etc and a bottle of wine. It was childish and spiteful but it woke them up

Show quote history

Not childish or spiteful at all.

RenoNovice2023 · 21/01/2023 17:35

It sounds like you waited for them to forget rather than mentioning it and planning. It’s my birthday in the next few weeks. Today I told them i wanted to go out and booked a restaurant for it. I also bought one of my own gifts and told them it was from them. Now I’ve reminded them, I can hear they are making plans for a birthday breakfast, cake and gifts. Just tell them and then get annoyed if they forget. Don’t just sit in silence and seeth as it’s pointless. Happy Birthday!!

SpacePotato · 21/01/2023 17:36

Hate threads like this, they don't forget at all, especially the DH's or DP's.
Something that's on the same day every fucking year.

They know, they just can't be arsed.
It's an inconvenience.
So used to the woman arranging everything except wiping their arses.

Because you didn't kick off last year they know there is zero consequence to their inaction so they haven't bothered this year either.

Happy Birthday OP 🍷🎂

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/01/2023 17:36

AltheaVestr1t · 21/01/2023 17:34

Hmmm. I suspect I'm going against the grain here but I suspect the only way they can have forgotten is if you've set a trap for them. 'I'm not going to mention my birthday and we'll see if anyone remembers', in which case you only have yourself to blame. Now I'm pretty sure if I did this no one would remember mine either, so I don't. Creating scenarios for your loved ones to mess up doesn't do anyone any favours, just make your expectations clear and then you won't be disappointed.

Really? You're blaming OP? Pathetic

Choconut · 21/01/2023 17:38

I don't understand, if you knew they forgot last year why would you not repeatedly remind them this year? Were you waiting for them to fail again?

overtaxedunderling · 21/01/2023 17:38

AltheaVestr1t · 21/01/2023 17:34

Hmmm. I suspect I'm going against the grain here but I suspect the only way they can have forgotten is if you've set a trap for them. 'I'm not going to mention my birthday and we'll see if anyone remembers', in which case you only have yourself to blame. Now I'm pretty sure if I did this no one would remember mine either, so I don't. Creating scenarios for your loved ones to mess up doesn't do anyone any favours, just make your expectations clear and then you won't be disappointed.

You need help.

Original poster
NowYouTellMe · 21/01/2023 17:39

Nothing happened whatsoever. My husband and I haven’t exchanged gifts for many years and neither of us expect them from the kids. All I wanted was a hug or a call

OP posts:
Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/01/2023 17:39

Choconut · 21/01/2023 17:38

I don't understand, if you knew they forgot last year why would you not repeatedly remind them this year? Were you waiting for them to fail again?

Why the fuck should she remind grown adults?!

cosmiccosmos · 21/01/2023 17:40

So what happened when they forgot last year OP? Did you tell them afterwards? Do your DC remember your DH birthday or do you remind them? Who does all the Christmas present prep and present shopping?

Lollymac · 21/01/2023 17:40

My parents forget my birthday every year. It hurts and I completely empathise with you.
it isn’t malicious but it feels hard none the less.
I feel it’s one of those situations where life is busy and everyone has their own lives, and birthdays are not so special we we get older.
try to have a lovely day; make them feel bad by asking them for a meal etc for your birthday….. honestly it’s petty but will make you feel a little more smug when they realise 😂

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 21/01/2023 17:41

Message a friend and arrange to go out
Just go upstairs get ready and order a taxi and then say (on your way out)

Don't wait up for me I'm off out for my birthday 🥳

SpacePotato · 21/01/2023 17:41

Hmmm. I suspect I'm going against the grain here but I suspect the only way they can have forgotten is if you've set a trap for them. 'I'm not going to mention my birthday and we'll see if anyone remembers', in which case you only have yourself to blame

How many women constantly 'forget' their significant other's or their children's birthdays? Children I could forgive, but husbands and partners who they have been with for years and years of birthdays? Pure selfish laziness and disrespect.