My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

[NowYouTellMe]

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

@Scalottia both my children have additional needs which affect their executive functioning so they get reminded and don't forget then.

This is the most frustrating thread. Most people are not saying 'Don't forget DH, it's my birthday on the 12th' daily for a month beforehand.

They are saying 'I fancy booking a table at X for my birthday' or 'Mum phoned and asked if we're doing anything special the weekend nearest my birthday as she'd like to come up' which naturally places it in people's minds.

It's just normal conversation that most families have, and I think as someone who seemingly does want a bit of a fuss made it's bizarre that the OP just doesn't mention her upcoming birthday to anyone at all and instead expects them to just know what she wants.

Op thats lousy. No excuse for it. Dont put yourself out anymore. I think most people like a bit of an effort for their day I do.

I don’t need to remind my husband when my birthday is but equally I don’t stay silent about it. It just comes up in natural conversation e.g. “I think maybe I will take the day off work this year”, “I think I will book a restaurant”. “that’s my birthday weekend” etc.

If you never mention your birthday, perhaps your family are taking your lead and simply think you aren’t bothered. It does also feel like you have been deliberately quiet to see if you can catch them out and be a martyr. Even your miserable one word responses on this thread smack of martyrdom.

We all forgot my mum's birthday one year. She made it clear she was very hurt. We never forgot again. Since your family has overlooked you two years running, I guess they didn't get the message about how hurtful it was last year. Be blunt. Tell them you expect better and deserve better from them.

The other option is to remind them constantly in the preceding month so they don't have the opportunity to forget. That's what I do. I have told them my position on the subject: I don't require anything fancy, but there must be some acknowledgement or I will be upset..

I wonder how many 'DHs' forget important things at work? Probably because it's about them.

Never before have we had so many tech things available to remind us about things that happen weekly, monthly, annually. There is absolutely no excuse or reason other than they don't give a toss.

I know it sounds perhaps petty but I would be ignoring DHs birthday and, if I did it, anything to do with his family. After all your DH clearly isn't bothered about events like this.

There was a thread on here not long ago where the op did just that. It had the desired effect. I don't care about cards and presents or fuss but would be upset if DH and the kids didn't remember that it was my birthday and at least call or text if not at home.

I was on your side right up until this nasty snide little remark.
If you speak to the people in your family in the same tone, I can't say I blame them for "forgetting" your birthday!

Treat yourself. Spa day, flowers and a nice gift. Let them deal with the house etc for one day.

Happy Birthday to you OP, sending kind wishes and hugs 🤗 💐

I would remember and gift them all a card on their next birthdays. With a message saying . As you didn’t get me anything or even remembered my birthday , I made sure to keep any money from your gifts to give myself a celebration day . Serve them right

Forget theirs - then ask them how it feels!

Yes, exactly.

I don't sit there and go "DH, don't forget it's my birthday on the 3rd" - it just comes up in day-to-day conversation.

@WhatsErFace2020 , that’s what I’d do, too.

Might well opt out of any cooking for the lot of them for the following week, too.

That's rubbish but it's a shame you don't exchange presents. We go out for a meal usually and the birthday person chooses where so the week before we'd be discussing where we are going. I also find a way of mentioning my birthday to my young adult son who now lives elsewhere so he'll remember.
I'm rubbish at remembering stuff so assume others are too so remind people.
What the rest of your relationship is like matters too but I'd be disappointed if my husband forgot.

Agree with all of this. My family would never forget but the fact that I have it on the calendar, I remind them regularly, and would never allow it to happen may contribute to that.....

Tbf I think they would remember anyway, but we don't go overboard for adult birthdays. But I would certainly be sad if I didn't get home made cards from the kids and a meal out, at least.

Tell them how upset you are and make sure it doesn't happen next year. .

I never get for christmas or my birthday

I'd say nothing, but I would ignore all of their birthdays and treat myself each time with the money I'd have spent on them. And I'd keep doing that until someone catches on (or until the end of times if they don't).

I don't consider them as 'silly and self-indulgent'. I just can't bear to be reminded of my birthday, because it's basically (to ME) making a big thing of my age- never even liked that as a child. I make it clear to others that I am birthday-phobic and want to be allowed to forget my birthday altogether, and I would be extremely hurt if someone, especially someone close to me, ignored my wishes and inflicted a birthday on me. (Happy to celebrate others'.)

Similarly, it is hurtful if someone does wish to have their birthday marked and those close to them ignore it.

How could yo let this happen. I would not allow my family to forget because I would be talking about it beforehand. Very insensitive & awful of them though.

I have a weirdly good memory for birthdays of family and friends. Others are hopeless. But I would expect my immediate family to remember and be hurt if they didn’t. It’s not Christmas. It’s your special day. Definitely explain to them how this has upset you. Hopefully, they will do something belated for you. And get it right next year! Oh and happy birthday! 🎂😍

Do your DH & DC feel the need to remind you of significant dates? Genuine question, not a dig; I just find it baffling and I feel that a lot of the replies play into traditional, outdated gender stereotypes.

When did you stop getting each other presents? I'd be having a discussion about how hurt I am that he forgot and discussing the relationship in general.
I do think you have to be clear in a relationship about expectations though. My husband knows I expect a card, present, cake and a nice meal out (which may be on a near by weekend) If I was forgotten he would know I wasn't happy and felt forgotten and unloved.

OP- It's not a case of reminding your DH & DC. It's making it clear that you want to celebrate your birthday. Given you didn't say anything last year to them, they've probably assumed the arrangement was fine by you.

You need to speak to them if you want the situation to change

Bastards. I presume you didn't do the usual hinting as in "I've been wondering what we should do for my birthday on Xday"

"I've been thinking of getting X for my birthday this year" (with url links)

My teens say I might like to do this for my birthday or have this cake or this present. My dh will usually say something like I took off work for my birthday weekend or I might go play golf with the lads for my birthday. Just normal conversation. I can guarantee that they mention their own birthdays in passing before it happens because we all like each other and talk to each other. It's really sad that you find normal family conversations 'baffling', I can't imagine not having that.