My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

[NowYouTellMe]

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

I dont remind my family but will often say what I would like to spend the day doing in the lead up? If you know they are forgetful/thoughless/lose track and it upset you last year (rightly so) I don't understand why you wouldn't have discussed how you wanted to mark the day or spend the occasion? You are giving off an impression that you almost kept quiet on purpose to see if they would forget again. Maybe not but that how it reads?
I just can't imagine any family's that don't discuss birthday plans in advance? Surely you know the day before when no one had mentioned what you would be eating or what sort of cake you would like etc you realised especially as they have form?

I’m not a person who would set their family members up to fail

This thread has illustrated perfectly how brutal Mumsnet is. 96% of votes agree that I’m not unreasonable to be disappointed yet the majority of the posts are critical of me. Thanks everyone

I’m not a person who would set their family members up to fail

Yes it seems that is exactly what you are doing.

You were sad last year when they forgot, so this year, rather than bringing it into the conversation, you have chosen not to do so, either so you can do a big 'woe is me' post on here, or, just to be able to tell them how much they have let you down again.

Cruel post, unfair and incorrect

There's no excuse for people not having reminders etc on their phones. I guess it will be hard for other people to remember your birthday if you're not into doing anything much beyond being wished 'Happy birthday', and I can see why it doesn't come up in conversation in your case.

I think the number 1 thing then is that everyone needs to put in a reminder, as there won't be any conversations/actions associated with it that tend to naturally prompt people. Still not saying it's OP's fault at all - I can't imagine having just forgotten my mum's birthday date, even in my teens, even if she didn't want to do anything on it. But evidently they need to have a reminder.

Yabu. Why are you being a martyr and reminding them about your husband s birthday. If you set up as a doormat don't be surprises if people walk all over you

AS you say, most people agree YANBU to "be disappointed".

However people are getting frustrated that you don't want to do anything to change the situation, and that you are twisting what people are saying about normal conversation and family interaction into "needing to remind" or "nag" people.

I'm sorry but nobody should have to remind their partner and children etc about their birthday.

I find it baffling that you seem determined not to understand that what one wants/wants to do for one’s birthday comes up in conversation for most people with their families. That’s not ‘reminding them to wish you happy birthday’. Do you and your family not talk to each other?

What did you say to them when they forgot your birthday?

I've just skimmed back through and about 80% of replies were on your side, up until the point that you started making snippy comments in response to perfectly normal behaviours.

Yet you haven’t actually answered any of (very reasonable) the questions this poster asked. Why is that?

If this happened last year, I would mention about doing something on your birthday with or without them.

I must have missed a great deal amongst the melee of criticism

What would you like to know?

I was a YANBU vote. YANBU at all to be disappointed. However, your subsequent comments and attitude towards basic communication is very unreasonable indeed. It’s a determined martyrdom coupled with an inability to engage with what’s being said to you that most people find unpleasant.

Everything @Christinatherabbit asked that you ignored. So:

If you know they are forgetful/thoughless/lose track and it upset you last year (rightly so) I don't understand why you wouldn't have discussed how you wanted to mark the day or spend the occasion? You are giving off an impression that you almost kept quiet on purpose to see if they would forget again. Maybe not but that how it reads?

I just can't imagine any family's that don't discuss birthday plans in advance? Surely you know the day before when no one had mentioned what you would be eating or what sort of cake you would like etc you realised especially as they have form?

Why should she have to - how ridiculous

In the real world I think it's reasonable to expect your husband and grown children to remember and want to celebrate your birthday. But on MN apparently not reminding them is passive aggressive- always get a laugh on here.

Because they don't remember.

OP does issue birthday reminders though. So why not for hers?

No they shouldn't, and most people don't, or don't have to, because the subject has come up some other way through natural conversation in the preceding days.

Don't you agree that for someone who would like the day acknowledged by their family, that to not acknowledge it themselves, at all, is a little odd?

Let’s leave it at that; I feel that the disparaging comments I’ve received here have hurt me more than the issue I posted about.

You were not unreasonable to be upset and hurt although the fact it happened last year means you knew there was a chance it could possibly happen again especially since no one mentioned it or asked you how you wanted to spend the day. Some people are just thoughtless when it comes to things like this and unless they are cruel people that really don't love or care about you it appears they genuinely struggle with remembering this type of thing so it would be an idea to remind them? It's all very well saying it baffles you that other people discuss birthdays prior to the actual day but MOST people do else this situation would probably happen a lot more!
I voted yabu because in our family and pretty much everyone I know we discuss our week ahead in general never mind if a special occasion like a birthday will be coming up and as a family we make plans together. Im sorry you were hurt by it. Did you wait until the following day to tell them and how did you act on the day? Were you behaving like normal or acting any differently? I can't imagine pretending to be fine around my DH and DC when inside I was really hurt and upset because of something this important. And if you were acting hurt and upset did no one notice or ask why? I think this is why so many people are responding the way they are. Its a bit confusing to imagine how it played out

If you love and care about someone who is of great significance in your life then you remember their birthday, you are responsible for not fucking it up and thoughtlessly forgetting - more so if it's somebody as important as your wife or mother. Maybe you forget if it's Kevin from work's birthday, but forgetting your own wife's is absolutely shitty. And NO she shouldn't be the one to have to remind them, ffs, and those suggesting it's petty or whatever of her not to remind them, wtaf. No. That's just making excuses for the shitness and thoughtlessness of her family. All they had to do was write it on the calendar, acknowledge it, it's not difficult. I'm with you OP, you are not wrong to expect your own family to care. And there are some people being absolute nobheads to you on this thread. I think some posters on MN literally trawl this site looking for people to stick the boot into.