My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

[NowYouTellMe]

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

We stopped buying gifts many years ago when it became difficult to think of anything we wanted or needed.

I find the need to remind adults to wish their spouse/parent a ‘Happy Birthday’ baffling

That's not what people are saying. The post you quoted specifically mentioned day-to-day conversation. You choose not to partake in that with your family, that's fine but it isn't baffling that most people do. If you aren't close to your spouse/children like the lack of day-to-day conversation would indicate that is probably why they forgot. It's a shame but when relationships break down that's what happens.

It seems that I must be very easy-going compared to a lot of commentators so I’ll take solace from that! A ‘Happy Birthday’ and a cup of tea would have suited me fine.

Why is that baffling? People have a lot going on in their heads. You're expecting them to remember specific dates and have it click when that date is approaching. Without any kind of reminder. Some people couldn't tell you what day of the week it is today, nevermind whose birthday it is. You know your family aren't good at remembering dates, yet you still sat back and watched the day pass by without a word.

*Do your DH & DC feel the need to remind you of significant dates? Genuine question, not a dig; I just find it baffling and I feel that a lot of the replies play into traditional, outdated gender stereotypes.

Have you not read any of the replies ?

Nobody is "needing to remind" anyone of significant dates.
As @leithreas says - these things just come up in conversation. One dc might say to another "Have you got any ideas for Mum's birthday?" or they might say to dh "I know Mum was wondering about getting an X - do you know if she got it or shall I get it for her birthday". Or dh might ask one of the dc "Do you think Mum would want to go to X again - I know she liked it last year but I don't know if she'd want the same thing?".

I find it baffling that you find it baffling as your family clearly needed reminding...

Oh, cocked up the bold for the quote there.

Also, not sure how these replies feed into 'gender stereotypes'. Both sexes in this family are just as likely to talk about their upcoming birthday as the other.

’lack of day to day conversation’? Where do you get that from? You’re assuming a great deal there!

It generally isn't necessary in a family that makes even a minor celebration of birthdays. People ask each other for ideas about presents, and they tend to think of it as a nice reason for a get together, possibly going out for a meal or similar. The problem is that in your family birthdays have become just like any other day, and therefore harder to remember. Inasmuch as you've helped to create that situation you have contributed to the problem.

I'd suggest you start doing something to make birthdays at least slightly special. Start by telling your DH that he's going to take you and the family out for a meal next week in belated recognition of your birthday, and start planning what you will do on his birthday.

’lack of day to day conversation’? Where do you get that from? You’re assuming a great deal there!

I expect she gets it from the fact you find it baffling that people might mention anything about their birthdays, in the run up to that date.
Not wishing to speak for anyone else, but that is the impression I'm getting from your posts.

Your replies are really not coming across very well. You’re upset your birthday was forgotten but seem to be looking down on people who are talking about planning for their birthdays and chatting about it with family before hand, which is just what most people seem to do..? What do you want from this thread? People are trying to be helpful and you’re shooting them down for caring about their birthdays and making their own plans (or that’s how it comes across, if you don’t intend to)

Well I’ve never needed to be prompted to Mark the birthdays of any members of my family since adulthood..obviously I have been expecting too much

I’ve been barraged with a huge amount of insults.

I'm sorry OP, I know my son knows his own birth date and he knows mine and he's 11. He might not think to do anything off his own and without his dads prompting at 11 but I hope he will
When he's a little older. I know his dad will start prompting him. Im disappointed for you with all of them.

How did they react when you told them they'd forgotten?

Men just don't think birthdays are that important. They know you do, and they try. But it's like the lavatory seat. It just isn't in their nature. They will forget.

OP are you being deliberately obstructive now?

Hardly any respondents are talking about 'reminding' their family of their birthday.

I hate the 'oh they're men they can't remember that type of stuff' shit. I'm sorry but I do. My DH remembers because he's a nice person and he likes me and we are teaching our kid that's what you do for people you care about, not fall back on the 'but I'm a man' shit.

My daughter has a little book -.a.birthdays diary. All the family birthdays, her friends', her colleagues' special days are duly noted. My other two children record dates on their phones.
Buy them all a birthday diary or log your.birthday on their phones yourself.

Posted too soon..

Mentioning an upcoming birthday in the natural course of conversation is NOT THE SAME as deliberately reminding someone of it.

You must actually be going to some effort to deliberately not mention yours at all, and I'm sure this radio silence on the subject goes some way to explain why your DH and DC possibly don't think it's important to you.

It saddens me that you’re a fully paid up member of my club OP. No one remembered my birthday and I received nothing for Christmas either 🤷‍♀️

You say they mention their Birthdays in advance , saying what they plans are or they would like, do the same, over Christmas day say "for my birthday , which by the way is 20th January in case you have forgotten, I would like at least a card and a phone call and a meal out from your dad" , or if you have a family WhatsApp put it on there, but also arrange a treat for yourself, like your husband plays golf , do something with friends , cinema, spa day, even a nice walk with coffee and cake at the end of it.

It's not about prompting people.

My birthday is just something that naturally comes up in conversation in the weeks beforehand. Last year, for example, I mentioned that my birthday fell on a Saturday so neither of us would have to work which makes a change to the last four/five years.

A few days beforehand I mentioned that it was going to snow so we might have to change where we were planning to go for lunch in case the roads were bad.

I didn't say those things to remind him necessarily, but just because it was a normal part of our day-to-day conversation. Likewise, DH mentioned his birthday because it was both of our first days' back at work, so we arranged to go out the weekend before instead.

They felt embarrassed, sorted out a takeaway and we watched a movie.