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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a home spa/pampering afternoon & dh hints for a bit of the other

175 replies

Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:18

Indulging myself from head to toe pampering at home for the afternoon. Nice, luxury products & pure relaxation. Then dh interrupts dropping big hints for a bit of hanky panky, or at least a bj, while no one else is at home. He's a good dh, not selfish, works hard for the family etc. But even so wouldn't you be irritated by this, or am I just being a mardy cow? Should I feel guilty for hinting back that he should really read the room first?

OP posts:
Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:21

Gross OP

You poor thing

shudder

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:22

And your children are around to witness his advances? 🤢

MargotMoon · 21/01/2023 16:25

Depends if you would feel equally ok to interrupt him while he was doing his relaxation activity of choice at home to drop a hint if you were feeling a bit frisky?

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:26

MargotMoon · 21/01/2023 16:25

Depends if you would feel equally ok to interrupt him while he was doing his relaxation activity of choice at home to drop a hint if you were feeling a bit frisky?

But he is repeatedly hinting

Original poster
Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:27

@Ursula82 no one here but us two. Now I feel mean! But it was my one free afternoon in ages to have my home spa afternoon. Plenty of time at night when we've gone to bed for a bit of the other. Maybe I'm just being selfish myself

OP posts:
Lkydfju · 21/01/2023 16:29

@Ursula82 she said no one is home.

I wouldn’t especially mind the hint to “do the deed” but I’d then expect when rebuffed for it to be shrugged off; it’s being sulky that would irritate me so depends how he responded.

Original poster
Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:29

@MargotMoon most men wouldn't mind being interrupted from their relaxation if they were in for a bj

OP posts:
Headabovetheparakeet · 21/01/2023 16:30

It isn't selfish to not want to stop something you're doing to give your husband a blowjob.

toastfiend · 21/01/2023 16:31

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:22

And your children are around to witness his advances? 🤢

The OP literally says no one else is at home in her opening post. 🙄

Ummm, no, I wouldn't be annoyed. If I wanted to have sex then I would, if I didn't then I wouldn't. I'd be annoyed if he sulked or badgered me if I said no. Otherwise, I can't see the harm in him making the suggestion.

VioletaDelValle · 21/01/2023 16:31

Me and DH have had an unexpected child free afternoon and we have spent part of that in bed. It was the first thing we thought about doing 😂 It was a mutual decision though and he would have left me alone if I wanted him to.

Original poster
Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:32

@Lkydfju well I feel guilty now so his response has clearly had the desired affect - almost

OP posts:
melj1213 · 21/01/2023 16:34

Depends entirely on context.

Do you often have time home alone without kids when there's just the two of you in the house? If not then I don't see the issue with him making a suggestion to make the most of the alone time since it's such a rare occurrence.

Has he hinted repeatedly and/or ignored you when you've said no or has he just made the one hint and then dropped it? If it's the former then YANBU to tell him to leave you alone on your pamper afternoon but if it's the latter then again, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to ask once

N00bz · 21/01/2023 16:36

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:21

Gross OP

You poor thing

shudder

Really? A man indicating that he’d like to have sex with his wife is “gross”?

Grow up.

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:37

N00bz · 21/01/2023 16:36

Really? A man indicating that he’d like to have sex with his wife is “gross”?

Grow up.

Show quote history

Repeatedly!!

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:38

Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:27

@Ursula82 no one here but us two. Now I feel mean! But it was my one free afternoon in ages to have my home spa afternoon. Plenty of time at night when we've gone to bed for a bit of the other. Maybe I'm just being selfish myself

So you said “no I’m busy”

and he kept on at you?

VioletaDelValle · 21/01/2023 16:39

Where does it say he repeatedly asked for sex?

Original poster
Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:41

@VioletaDelValle & @melj1213 we have lots of child free time to indulge. We're late 50's, both adult dc have left home, except for the fact that one of them is back for a week's visit. After that, & before that, it's just the two of us again.
Maybe I'm being a bit frigid, middle aged & a spoilsport & should apologise for it

OP posts:
Overandunderit · 21/01/2023 16:42

Don't apologise OP but if you're regularly declining sex and uninterested maybe have a conversation to make sure you're both getting what you want from the marriage.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2023 16:43

What is a bj supposed to do for you? No woman ever orgasmed through her mouth.

Original poster
Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:44

He hasn't kept on about it, only asked once but I know he'll be a tiny bit sulky.

OP posts:
VioletaDelValle · 21/01/2023 16:45

He's not unreasonable to ask and you aren't unreasonable to say no.

MirabelMax · 21/01/2023 16:46

Fine for him to ask or hint, fine for you to refuse. On another note, why don't people just write sex on here? It's a board full of grown ups, no need for euphemisms surely.

Dotcheck · 21/01/2023 16:48

Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:29

@MargotMoon most men wouldn't mind being interrupted from their relaxation if they were in for a bj

And if you interrupted his ‘me time’ for repeat requests that he go down on you? And you could say it’s ‘just’ a bit or oral. I assume him saying ‘just’ a bj is his way of saying there won’t be anything in it for you.

He is being a selfish ass. Tell him you are having a well deserved pamper day which doesn’t include any sort of jibs- big or small

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:48

Maybe I'm being a bit frigid, middle aged & a spoilsport & should apologise for it

Op, no one should make you feel like this for saying no to sex

and “sulky”? Oh dear

Badgirlriri · 21/01/2023 16:48

Not unreasonable for him to ask.