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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a home spa/pampering afternoon & dh hints for a bit of the other

175 replies

Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:18

Indulging myself from head to toe pampering at home for the afternoon. Nice, luxury products & pure relaxation. Then dh interrupts dropping big hints for a bit of hanky panky, or at least a bj, while no one else is at home. He's a good dh, not selfish, works hard for the family etc. But even so wouldn't you be irritated by this, or am I just being a mardy cow? Should I feel guilty for hinting back that he should really read the room first?

OP posts:
mewkins · 21/01/2023 21:55

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 20:55

Yes of course how dare a man try to have some spontaneous sexual activity with his wife. Best not to break the once a month lights off in bed routine!

Why didn’t he give OP oral sex instead then if he wanted sexual activity?

I can’t think of anything more selfish than someone wanting oral sex without even attempting to give their partner pleasure.

My thought too. OP plans a nice afternoon for herself. OP's partner hijacks it for himself.

OneTC · 21/01/2023 22:01

You do know that men will literally stick their knobs in fruit, furniture, and farm animals, right?

Not normally one for a NAMALT but Jesus Christ

Greyhave · 21/01/2023 22:06

@BloodAndFire are they, really?! I’m a woman and don’t think that a man’s sexual impulses are the most important thing in the world!

I think you need to chill out a little bit, you’re getting quite carried away here!

NameChagaiiiin · 21/01/2023 22:08

Legrandetraitor · 21/01/2023 18:53

This thread is peak MN.

OP: my husband asked for sex and I’m annoyed by this

posters: men like to fuck animals and fruit! Kill them, kill them all

🤣🤣🤣 this actually made me laugh out loud so much I've woken my baby and I'm not even mad about it.

MargotMoon · 21/01/2023 22:15

Well this thread got slightly derailed... Hope you've had a lovely day OP, one way or another!

VioletaDelValle · 21/01/2023 22:23

Agreed, women are socialised to think that men's sexual impulses are the most important thing in the world, that an erection is a compliment, and they should stop whatever they're doing to service his 'needs'.

Not true

Other women backing him up and implying that she must not really fancy him, or that she's a failure for not taking him up on the offer, are just playing into this conditioning.

Again, just not true.

Asking for a blow job isn't a sign of love or attraction or intimacy.

It's part of a healthy sex life

bridgetreilly · 21/01/2023 22:42

Of course YANBU to refuse, but I don’t see that it’s such a big deal for him to ask?

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 21/01/2023 22:45

BloodAndFire · 21/01/2023 20:07

I'm just suggesting that a bloke asking his wife to suck him off isn't doing it because he's interested in a mutually pleasurable, intimate encounter.

Women don't generally use glory holes, do we.

Show quote history

You didn't just do that though. You added a bit in about fruit, furniture, and animals. Women have been known to do all of the above too. Glory holes aren't the same at all.

Anyway it wasn't just this comment that was extreme. There are so many posts on this thread that seem to think men are all sexual deviants if given opportunity.

wp65 · 22/01/2023 06:34

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2023 16:43

What is a bj supposed to do for you? No woman ever orgasmed through her mouth.

This. Is there any offer of reciprocity from him?

lemonyfox · 22/01/2023 07:18

Well, this was a rollercoaster of a thread wasn't it!

dogdaydown · 22/01/2023 07:57

DillDanding · 21/01/2023 17:43

The fact he wanted a BJ of all things

‘Of all things’ the deviant 😂

Sometimes Mumsnet would have you believe woman merely tolerate sex and no-one enjoys giving BJs.

So true!

Lots of women do actually enjoy sex! A tell what is a turn off, using infantile language like hanky panky and a bit of the other 🤢 grim!

dogdaydown · 22/01/2023 08:00

Why would a woman in her fifties, in a long term relationship ever enjoy giving her DH bjs? Have you seen most men in their fifties? Yuk!!
*
*
What a horrible thing to say! Imagine a man saying that about his 50 year old wife!

dogdaydown · 22/01/2023 08:03

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 20:55

Yes of course how dare a man try to have some spontaneous sexual activity with his wife. Best not to break the once a month lights off in bed routine!

Why didn’t he give OP oral sex instead then if he wanted sexual activity?

I can’t think of anything more selfish than someone wanting oral sex without even attempting to give their partner pleasure.

He offered OP sone hanky lanky 🤢 though!

dogdaydown · 22/01/2023 08:04

*panky

FabFitFifties · 22/01/2023 08:56

I think most men, seing DP lounging around seemingly doing nothing (in their eyes) would try it on, and sulk a little if rebuffed. To avoid this annoyance in future, I would make a clear announcement re my intentions for the afternoon, and my expectations of privacy. Don't sulk or be moody, he only asked once. Ignore him if he does sulk a bit.

Ursula82 · 22/01/2023 09:05

FabFitFifties · 22/01/2023 08:56

I think most men, seing DP lounging around seemingly doing nothing (in their eyes) would try it on, and sulk a little if rebuffed. To avoid this annoyance in future, I would make a clear announcement re my intentions for the afternoon, and my expectations of privacy. Don't sulk or be moody, he only asked once. Ignore him if he does sulk a bit.

the only time “most men” is really a relevant way to start a sentence is if you’re saying “most men have short hair and a penis”

Aphrathestorm · 22/01/2023 10:14

This reply has been deleted

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VioletaDelValle · 22/01/2023 10:16

There are so many handmaidens on this thread.

No, there are women who enjoy sex and will pleasure their husbands/partners as part of a healthy sex life.

That is normal.

VioletaDelValle · 22/01/2023 10:20

Miriam Margoles has blown hundreds of men. Do you actually think they thought she was hot?

And how insulting and misogynistic is this comment?

StarsSand · 22/01/2023 10:25

If he was smart he would have offered to give you a massage and seen where the mood took you.

Walking up to a woman doing her nails with a face mask on and asking for a blow job lacks charm frankly.

Cocobutt · 22/01/2023 10:41

He offered OP sone hanky lanky 🤢 though!

True but I think if he went and gave OP oral sex and then he asked or it led to sex or a bj then fair enough.

The fact that he wanted sex or a BJ shows how he doesn’t care for OPs pleasure and it’s just about his needs.

StarsSand · 22/01/2023 10:52

Cocobutt · 22/01/2023 10:41

He offered OP sone hanky lanky 🤢 though!

True but I think if he went and gave OP oral sex and then he asked or it led to sex or a bj then fair enough.

The fact that he wanted sex or a BJ shows how he doesn’t care for OPs pleasure and it’s just about his needs.

Yep agreed.

He just wanted to get off. Not romantic.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 22/01/2023 11:15

Aphrathestorm · 21/01/2023 17:29

Do women over 40 even bother with BJs??

What?? Of course they do ... dear God

dogdaydown · 22/01/2023 11:52

VioletaDelValle · 22/01/2023 10:16

There are so many handmaidens on this thread.

No, there are women who enjoy sex and will pleasure their husbands/partners as part of a healthy sex life.

That is normal.

Agreed! Not sure why the others need to make call? Should we call them frigid?

dogdaydown · 22/01/2023 11:52

*name call

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