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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a home spa/pampering afternoon & dh hints for a bit of the other

175 replies

Unglamorousgranny · 21/01/2023 16:18

Indulging myself from head to toe pampering at home for the afternoon. Nice, luxury products & pure relaxation. Then dh interrupts dropping big hints for a bit of hanky panky, or at least a bj, while no one else is at home. He's a good dh, not selfish, works hard for the family etc. But even so wouldn't you be irritated by this, or am I just being a mardy cow? Should I feel guilty for hinting back that he should really read the room first?

OP posts:
lemonyfox · 21/01/2023 17:35

He suggested sex, you said no, he didn't ask again. What's the problem? Mumsnet is such a wild place sometimes, it's like another planet.

Can men not ask? Should it only be women who ask for sex? Oral? Must husbands speak in suggestive code rather than outright asking for sex?

I'm sure you'd all be moaning if your husbands didn't want to have sex with you or didn't find you attractive etc etc etc.

DillDanding · 21/01/2023 17:37

I can’t see anything wrong with it. He felt horny but you didn’t. What’s he supposed to do other than ask or hint, he can’t read your mind? If it was the other way round, I’d assume you’d do the same.

As long as he didn’t take no for an answer, it’s all good.

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 17:37

Has everyone missed how the Op has been left feeling by him and fact that he will be sulky?

apologise?

is no one a bit concerned that the op thinks she should apologise for not jumping at his big hints?

AllOfThemWitches · 21/01/2023 17:37

I dunno, I like sex with my partner so it would be a good way to spend the afternoon imo.

MummyJ36 · 21/01/2023 17:40

Ugh OP you are absolutely not obliged to “service” him whilst you’re having a bit of me-time!! Did he offer to give you a nice massage? The fact he wanted a BJ of all things 🙄 So relaxing for you ey!!! Men piss me off sometimes.

helloimnew123 · 21/01/2023 17:40

If he never tried it on you'd be on here crying about how he doesn't make any effort etc.

Your timings are different... but I don't think it's wild for a husband to take the chance with an empty house. I'd be disappointed if my partner didn't jump at the chance.

Rejection doesn't feel good for either gender

pinkfondu · 21/01/2023 17:43

The correct thing for him to do is to offer to go down on you whikst you have on your face mask and cucumber slices Wink

DillDanding · 21/01/2023 17:43

The fact he wanted a BJ of all things

‘Of all things’ the deviant 😂

Sometimes Mumsnet would have you believe woman merely tolerate sex and no-one enjoys giving BJs.

AllOfThemWitches · 21/01/2023 17:44

DillDanding · 21/01/2023 17:43

The fact he wanted a BJ of all things

‘Of all things’ the deviant 😂

Sometimes Mumsnet would have you believe woman merely tolerate sex and no-one enjoys giving BJs.

I know, it's not a chore for all of us!

MermaidEyes · 21/01/2023 17:51

Aphrathestorm · 21/01/2023 17:29

Do women over 40 even bother with BJs??

You jest surely?!!

VioletaDelValle · 21/01/2023 17:53

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 17:37

Has everyone missed how the Op has been left feeling by him and fact that he will be sulky?

apologise?

is no one a bit concerned that the op thinks she should apologise for not jumping at his big hints?

Stop saying 'hints'.... he asked once!!!

And no, she shouldn't apologise. If he's sulking then that needs addressing because it's out of order. But that still doesn't mean he harassed her or asked multiple times.

VioletaDelValle · 21/01/2023 17:54

Have you read the follow ups?

Have you?

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 17:54

Surely if it’s your pampering day then he should be pleasuring you.

He sounds like a selfish twat.

VioletaDelValle · 21/01/2023 17:54

Aphrathestorm · 21/01/2023 17:29

Do women over 40 even bother with BJs??

You're kidding right?

MistyFrequencies · 21/01/2023 17:55

Never unreasonable to ask. Always unreasonable to sulk if declined.

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 17:57

‘Of all things’ the deviant 😂

Sometimes Mumsnet would have you believe woman merely tolerate sex and no-one enjoys giving BJs.

I believe the PP was referring to the fact that a BJ is more pleasurable for him, when instead he could hint to other things that would be more pleasurable for OP too.

A nice massage and oral would be a lovely treat for OP but he’s too selfish to do that it seems.

been and done it. · 21/01/2023 17:57

Ursula82 · 21/01/2023 16:22

And your children are around to witness his advances? 🤢

She advised no one else was home

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/01/2023 18:00

If you are all relaxed after your pampering and he does all the work and the bath is still hot enough for you to get back in , then go for it !

CantAskAnyoneElse · 21/01/2023 18:04

YANBU, at all.

I do worry why you think you are ’frigid’ (misogynystic term btw) and have to apolize.
That’s not normal.
Were you raised to be a woman who must serve a man and perform ’wifely duties’?

CohenTree · 21/01/2023 18:05

If you didn't want to and then he gets the titty lip on
@Rockingcloggs I learned a new expression today! Thank you. Brilliant.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/01/2023 18:10

Aphrathestorm · 21/01/2023 17:29

Do women over 40 even bother with BJs??

Is that something else I'm not allowed to do because I'm 'too old' for it?

Fuck's sake.

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 21/01/2023 18:11

ChatSamosa · 21/01/2023 17:23

OP might like to give her DH bjs?
🙄

Show quote history

Why would a woman in her fifties, in a long term relationship ever enjoy giving her DH bjs? Have you seen most men in their fifties? Yuk!!

gamerchick · 21/01/2023 18:12

I definitely don't mind a bit of bedroom time if house is to ourselves but if I'm not on the mood then it's a no and visa versa.

I find it extremely irritating when men hint or ask for a blowjob though. At any time.

gamerchick · 21/01/2023 18:13

Hope you enjoyed your pamper OP. Tell him to wait till later.

DillDanding · 21/01/2023 18:15

Why would a woman in her fifties, in a long term relationship ever enjoy giving her DH bjs? Have you seen most men in their fifties? Yuk!!

I’ve heard it all now. My husband’s in his 50s and gorgeous. Is there some arbitrary rule that we have to stop having oral sex after a certain age? I missed that memo.