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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely sick to death of men shouting at me in my car but never my husband

208 replies

Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 13:02

I’m really fed up of being verbally abused aggressively when driving for any minor thing by male drivers. This seems to happen to me a few times a year. In 20 years of being married this had never happened to my husband.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 21/01/2023 15:55

It’ll be your driving.

BurntOutGirl · 21/01/2023 15:56

Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 13:34

Those saying they were only shouted at when they “deserved” it, when do you “deserve” to be verbally abused by a stranger?

When your driving could have caused an accident.

RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 21/01/2023 15:57

No one should shout at you aggressively, ever.

That said, I have lived and driven in London for 25 years, all over the capital for work, and never been shouted at by anyone.

TheFifthTellytubby · 21/01/2023 15:58

ReamsOfCheese · 21/01/2023 13:42

How do people hear all this shouting if you've got your windows closed and doors locked and you're driving a car? Maybe people do shout and I don't hear them over the engine/radio??

I was wondering the same thing! Can't hear a thing with the windows up, and too busy looking at the road to study other drivers' faces...🤔

thenightsky · 21/01/2023 16:00

louiselouiselouise · 21/01/2023 15:45

Please do check out Ronnie Pickering. 17m hits on YT. Absolute tool

Shock
BubziOwl · 21/01/2023 16:04

I've not ever had anyone shouting at me yet, but what I do notice is that when I drive my little car which is a car that's typically associated with young women, I get pushy drivers tailgating quite often, and they are often itching to overtake at any given opportunity.

Funnily enough, when I drive our bigger, rugged, very 'manly' 4x4 on the exact same roads doing the exact same speeds, no one seems to have a problem with my speed.

For the record, I drive at a sensible speed for our rural roads, not remotely too slow, and I slow down to 40mph for sections with 40mph limits.

TeaFagsand · 21/01/2023 16:07

Try getting a dash cam. You'd be surprised how it stops their fun and from the Old Bill from tailgating you.

I've been told that I was a good driver AND been shouted at. Then I got a dash cam.

Duchess379 · 21/01/2023 16:08

Really?! I'm normally the one shouting at them for their incompetent driving 😆

popularinthe80s · 21/01/2023 16:11

I was called a cunt this morning by a man (wound down window to make his point) when I slowed to avoid crossing a red light. I would hazard a guess that he wouldn't have done this to my husband.

Sakura7 · 21/01/2023 16:16

YANBU.

I'm amazed at the people saying "nobody's ever shouting at me in 30 years". There are some absolute lunatics out there spoiling for a fight whether they're right or wrong.

The worst for me was when I was driving down a narrow street, and a guy on a moped coming from the opposite direction swung out onto my side of the road to overtake someone. It was so dangerous. I slammed on the breaks, he did too and fell off his moped, then ran at my car and started kicking and punching the bonnet and the windscreen. He was roaring and screaming at me the whole time. It was terrifying and the whole situation was entirely his fault.

Bluekerfuffle · 21/01/2023 16:18

TheFifthTellytubby · 21/01/2023 15:58

I was wondering the same thing! Can't hear a thing with the windows up, and too busy looking at the road to study other drivers' faces...🤔

Show quote history

When someone shouts at the top of their voice, you can hear it through a closed window, just as you can hear traffic noise through your closed window.

SwishSwishBisch · 21/01/2023 16:35

It’s never ok for any driver to verbally intimidate or harass another driver, regardless of the situation.

jamdonut · 21/01/2023 16:39

I’ve been driving since 1985 ( I’m 58 now) . The odd man ( very , very few) has shouted at me… but that’s usually because I made an error, which I apologised for. I’ve had two small accidents in that time, neither of which were caused by me. I wouldn’t know if a man would have shouted at my ( now ex) husband as he never learned to drive!

TheShellBeach · 21/01/2023 16:42

This has happened to me zero times in 45 years of driving........

BanjoKnockers · 21/01/2023 16:49

Improve you driving.

Blossomtoes · 21/01/2023 17:16

TheShellBeach · 21/01/2023 16:42

This has happened to me zero times in 45 years of driving........

You’re very lucky then. Or perhaps you don’t drive much on a variety of roads.

5128gap · 21/01/2023 18:32

Swissmountains · 21/01/2023 14:56

I am an outstanding confident and considerate driver - since the pandemic it’s got a lot worse.
It may be that the ones that are not shouted out look too old? Too doddery or don’t drive very much or have very young kids in the car? I didn’t ever have this when my children were young, this behaviour would scare me if I had little ones in the car - and I think I would call the police. But now I am often alone I am free game to angry little men.

Oh I don't think so. I think if women don't get shouted at its because they look young and gorgeous.🙄

DrunkenKoala · 21/01/2023 18:42

Had it happen to me once. The road was quiet, no one in front or behind me when I noticed a man ahead start crossing the road from opposite side. Once he got to my side he walked towards my car pointing to himself and shouting, but couldn’t what he was saying as I was still quite a way back from him. There were cars coming in the opposite by this point, I couldn’t go round him so had to bring my car to a stand still, he then ranted some more at me that he’s crossing the road - we’ll go on then I’m stationary and prior to that I was going pretty slowly, you had plenty of time to cross that road. Then a van pulled up behind me with three blokes in it and the gobshite legged it. I have no idea what would have happened if that van hadn’t pulled up behind, I am quite fiery and can stand my ground but I was worried that day especially as my then four year old daughter was in the car with me.

It’s a stretch of road that drove down each day at that time, I’d never seen him before or after but we did buy a dash cam that evening.

MadameDe · 21/01/2023 18:49

I've had people be rude and aggressive a few times. It's usually when I stick to the speed limit and some fucker wants to overtake on a 20 road. Occasionally it's also when I'm driving badly.

ancientgran · 21/01/2023 18:49

I got shouted at once, man couldn't overtake me as the road wasn't wide and every time he went for it a car came the other way and he had to pull back in. Nothing I could do, I wasn't worried if he overtook me. After a while I stopped at some traffic lights and he pulled up beside me. He was purple and shouting, I couldn't stop laughing as he looked possessed and the more I laughed the worse he got. Eventually I made a gesture indicating that I thought he wasn't well blessed and I thought he was going to explode, the woman sitting next to him was rolling her eyes and looked embarrassed.

Forty nine years driving and that was the one who shouted at me and I don't think I've ever laughed so much. They don't like being laughed at.

DOBARDAN · 21/01/2023 19:08

I’ve never heard anyone shouting at me when I’ve been driving. I have been in the passenger seat when a male friend was driving and, although he didn’t shout at women drivers, he gave an exhaustive commentary of his opinion on their driving, although only I would’ve been able to hear him. He criticised their every move. Not a murmur when male drivers were obviously not obeying the rules of the road or wouldn’t let him pull out from a side turning.

Lucyccfc68 · 21/01/2023 19:16

Swissmountains · 21/01/2023 15:06

I think it is an English thing, as I haven’t experienced this in wales either.

Welsh drivers can be knobheads too. Far too many boy racers in the Valleys in their little souped up Corsa’s thinking they own the road.

Flapjackquack · 21/01/2023 19:18

Lucyccfc68 · 21/01/2023 19:16

Welsh drivers can be knobheads too. Far too many boy racers in the Valleys in their little souped up Corsa’s thinking they own the road.

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Those Welsh roads with a rock wall one side and a ravine the other and a boy racer charging towards you is eeek. Stunning scenery though!

BashfulClam · 21/01/2023 19:24

I’ve been shouted at once by a guy who thought I cut him up. I think I had enough space but it was close.

MoscowMules · 21/01/2023 19:53

Flapjackquack · 21/01/2023 19:18

Those Welsh roads with a rock wall one side and a ravine the other and a boy racer charging towards you is eeek. Stunning scenery though!

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Aii, but they don't shout aggressively at you, you just have to play a bit of chicken with them. 🤣

I used to drive a tank of a Volvo estate, and I've seen the whites of the eyes of teenage boy racers as they realise they can't take on a Swedish tank. 🤷🏻‍♀️