Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely sick to death of men shouting at me in my car but never my husband

208 replies

Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 13:02

I’m really fed up of being verbally abused aggressively when driving for any minor thing by male drivers. This seems to happen to me a few times a year. In 20 years of being married this had never happened to my husband.

OP posts:
Tessabelle74 · 21/01/2023 13:49

I shout at shit drivers of either sex, I'm guessing your husband drives better than you

BettyUnderswoob · 21/01/2023 13:50

I was about to post similarly, @Coffeellama
OP was saying it was a sex thing.

4thonthe4th · 21/01/2023 13:51

Maybe he’s a better driver than you.

5128gap · 21/01/2023 13:52

Another one its never happened to. In fact, quite the reverse. They seem to go out of their way to let me out, smile etc, wait to 'help' me park. I particularly notice the contrast with how my DS is treated when he's driving. He's young with a nice car and other men seem to loathe him. It is sexism. It's all part and parcel of the toxic masculinity that sees women patronised and other men seen as rivals.

LadyLapsang · 21/01/2023 13:54

OP you should try to park with consideration, I would probably beep you if you blocked the road. My example comes from 35 years ago, driving in what was then a rather rough area of London. I was beeped and then shouted at by a van driver for not pushing my way out at a junction - my driving was fine. I got out of the car to confront him and he jumped out, luckily for me there was an off duty Police officer in the car behind him. I was waved on my way and he was pulled over. I wouldn’t get out the car now and my car has anti- hijack locking activated.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 21/01/2023 13:58

There is no excuse for people verbally abusing others. OP may not be the best driver in the world (I've no idea either way) but she still doesn't deserve to be intimidated and abused. The roads are public places. We will all inevitably come across all sorts from serially terrible drivers to good drivers just having a momentary lapse. Some people need to learn to deal with that better.

There's bound to be a degree of misogyny involved in the OPs case. Yes men also abuse other men but they tend only to do so when they think they're safe. Either they reckon they have the physical advantage or there's no reasonable likelihood of coming face to face. As women tend to be physically smaller/weaker than men, bullies and arseholes are going to see them as easier targets and indulge themselves.

LikeTearsInRain · 21/01/2023 13:58

In my experience I’ve had more women screeching at me or waving hands effing and blinding but haven’t been able to hear them.

Theunamedcat · 21/01/2023 13:59

I hardly got screamed at till I drove a lady car my infractions are following the rules of the road stopping for oncoming traffic not indicating when I'm going around a corner 😑 (seriously why would I? He beeped and screamed at me everyone else on the road was like 👀👀👀) I also stopped at a stop sign and I beeped someone for overtaking me on an island and cutting me up (apparently I wasn't going fast enough) he couldn't have been in that much of a rush as he was screaming cunt out the window and break checking me I got off the main road he pursued me for a bit so I pulled into a carpark under the cctv I got called a cunt again and he left zero need for that behaviour I refuse to believe I was in the wrong because how the fuck could I have been? I was in my lane just got on the island and he came from behind and cut infront

We have a lot of twats where I live

BakewellGin1 · 21/01/2023 14:01

I've only once been shouted at by one other person and they were female and to be fair it was justified. I moved over thinking there was more of a gap between us then there was and should of paid more attention.

Apart from that no in 23 years of driving no male or female has approached me, either whilst driving a more 'male car' or my smaller one I have now.

Maybe it's your driving?

DH has been shouted at before other male drivers so no its not all Males shouting at Females.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 21/01/2023 14:01

Any man shouts at me when I am driving and I will effing shout back. Cheeky bastards.
Sorry for the expletives but I felt they were in the right context !

Bluekerfuffle · 21/01/2023 14:04

I’ve been aggressively shouted at three times by men. Impatient, mentally-challenged men by the look of them while doing nothing wrong (and not crawling along either). Not saying my driving is always perfect, but it is the vast majority of the time and was on these occasions. I highly doubt any of these arseholes would have shouted at a man.

Bumpinthenight · 21/01/2023 14:04

I shout at at my DH for his shit driving.

crackofdoom · 21/01/2023 14:07

I have to admit that if, as you seem to say, you were blocking the road while waiting for someone, I'd have muttered a few choice things under my breath too. It's incredibly inconsiderate!

I don't get shouted at, but it's all rural single track lanes round 'ere, and the amount of times I get patronising waved through by blokes, or alternatively get a flurry of gestures commanding me to reverse just as I'm changing into reverse anyway boil my piss. I've been driving these lanes for over 20 years, I know how and when to reverse thank you 🙄

Oakbeam · 21/01/2023 14:08

I highly doubt any of these arseholes would have shouted at a man.

Those that don’t believe men shout at other men are living in cloud cuckoo land.

HundredMilesAnHour · 21/01/2023 14:11

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 21/01/2023 13:18

It might be a vehicle thing. People definitely make assumptions about your driving or the type of person you are by your vehicle.

I used to drive a white minivan, a model that's popular with small tradesmen. When I switched to a small car in a pastel colour I suddenly found I was tailgated, overtaken (when doing the limit plus 10%), and cut up more often. Weirdly there's a perception that I'm driving more slowly/cautiously when I'm driving a Ladycar.

My H was a bit sceptical about this, until he borrowed my car for a weekend when his was in the garage and found the same thing happened to him.

This is very true. I drive a very sporty looking car and it's a dickhead magnet. Every time I'm stopped at the traffic lights, there's almost always a man (of course!) next to me revving his engine trying to beat me away from the lights. I try not to rise to the bait but I do occasionally get sick of it and react.

I used to think it was because I'm a blonde driving a sporty car but then I lent my car to my Dad (while I was working overseas) and he said the same thing happened to him all the time. He was quite shocked. He's an ex-rally driver / professional driver so his driving is outstanding. It's definitely the car.

Saying that, if the OP is parked up waiting for someone but blocking the road, no wonder she's getting aggro. That's not drivers being sexist, that's the OP being an inconsiderate driver and pissing people off.

Flapjackquack · 21/01/2023 14:12

Oakbeam · 21/01/2023 14:08

I highly doubt any of these arseholes would have shouted at a man.

Those that don’t believe men shout at other men are living in cloud cuckoo land.

Men only shout at other men when they feel safe enough to do so, i.e when they are physically bigger than the man they are shouting at.

GabriellaMontez · 21/01/2023 14:13

This isn't my experience. Could this be a race issue? Can you tell us what area you're in?

autastic · 21/01/2023 14:15

I have had this and it's not down to my driving it's down to not being the one to give way when it's my right of way. I drive on one train roads which I know well and men always expect me to be the good woman and make way and reverse miles up the road when they have literally just pasted a passing place.
I tend to find saying "oh dear! Never mind, give me your keys and I will reverse for you, I forget some people can't do it"
Tends to start more swearing as they then reverse.
And to all the posters saying the op must be a bad driver, this does not mean they are entitled to shouting and swear, well done all for excusing mens aggressive behaviour and normalising it

NewIdeasToday · 21/01/2023 14:17

I’ve never been shouted at in 30+ years of driving. I think you need to re-examine your driving skills.

JudgeJ · 21/01/2023 14:18

Chowtime · 21/01/2023 13:08

So what if she's a shit driver! The point is, they wouldn't do it a male driver.

If she is such a poor driver then I'd shout at her too! Maybe she shouldn't be driving at all if she's clearly so bad. It's riubbish to say that men never shout at men, the post seems to imply that being female excuses bad driving.

Original poster
Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 14:19

LadyLapsang · 21/01/2023 13:54

OP you should try to park with consideration, I would probably beep you if you blocked the road. My example comes from 35 years ago, driving in what was then a rather rough area of London. I was beeped and then shouted at by a van driver for not pushing my way out at a junction - my driving was fine. I got out of the car to confront him and he jumped out, luckily for me there was an off duty Police officer in the car behind him. I was waved on my way and he was pulled over. I wouldn’t get out the car now and my car has anti- hijack locking activated.

I would expect you to beep, I have no problem with that. I have a problem with being shouted at verbally abused and intimidated by men. I would feel the same way if a woman did it to me but that hasn’t been my experience. I’m just stating my experiences and I’m curious whether others have the same.

Quite a lot of you want to put the blame at my door for being verbally abused and intimidated by strange men. In all my years of driving I have never had a road traffic accident nor have I shouted at anybody. I’ve seen many many people make mistakes or block me but I just wait patiently for them to correct themselves as what purpose would shouting at them serve? It’s not safe to drive in an aggravated state.

OP posts:
Plbrookes · 21/01/2023 14:19

Chowtime · 21/01/2023 13:08

So what if she's a shit driver! The point is, they wouldn't do it a male driver.

Really? Evidence?

Americano75 · 21/01/2023 14:23

Yeah, I reported one guy for a really nasty road rage incident and it turned out he had plenty of form for it, never with male drivers. Once got chased by a male taxi driver making 'you're dead' gestures because I didn't let him in (he indicated when I had drawn level). I'm the first to admit I'm not a perfect driver but there are definitely occasions when you know full well that my burly six foot husband wouldn't have got the same reaction.

Oakbeam · 21/01/2023 14:23

Men only shout at other men when they feel safe enough to do so, i.e when they are physically bigger than the man they are shouting at.

How do they know how big they are when they can only see each other’s heads?

JudgeJ · 21/01/2023 14:24

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 21/01/2023 14:01

Any man shouts at me when I am driving and I will effing shout back. Cheeky bastards.
Sorry for the expletives but I felt they were in the right context !

No! SMile cheesily, pout then blow them a kiss, it really, really annoys them, especially if there's a woman with them who is then left wondering who that was.