To be absolutely sick to death of men shouting at me in my car but never my husband

[Wotsitone]

I’m really fed up of being verbally abused aggressively when driving for any minor thing by male drivers. This seems to happen to me a few times a year. In 20 years of being married this had never happened to my husband.

My husband has twice received very aggressive responses while driving with me as a passenger. He raised a hand to wave at and thank first driver for letting him in, and he started to give him the V sign in response and shout.

Second time, a few years later, van driver on a motorway seemingly didn’t like something we had done, so to punish us, he started cutting in front of us, steering his inside wheels into our lane, inches in front of us, and braking, moving back into the outside lane, and then doing it again and again to make us brake sharply. Only stopped when I started filming him.

Yes this happens to me on a semi regular basis. I often get idiot white van drivers up my backside, cutting me up, shouting at me.

I disagree it's a woman's driving, everyday sexism and micro aggression towards women.

That must complete the bingo card.

I love all those saying they’ve never been shouted at by another driver…..

Does this mean that you’ve never done anything that has wound up another driver?

Of course you have, and you will have been shouted at, even if you didn’t hear it.

OP sounds like a pretty poor driver and perhaps needs to reflect on that and do something about it!

It’s not a race issue. I’m white. I’m not saying it’s only an issue for woman either but as my husband is a big man that has been my experience.

Yanbu. It doesn't happen very often to me where I live now but where I used to live there was a road where only 1 car could fit but you could enter it coming in either direction. I entered it as it was empty, got half way along and saw a car turn into it coming the other way, he saw me already in the lane but kept going. I stopped and gestured for him to turn back but he basically sat there smirking and forced me to back up.down almost the whole lane. Yes I could have stood my ground but I was young, on my own and was scared and he knew it too. He most definitely wouldn't have done that to my dh!

Some examples are me not leaving enough space for a car to get passed but still sitting in the car as I am waiting to pick someone up, a simple beep from behind would make me realise this and I would move straight away but instead I’m screamed at shouted at and called all the names under the sun aggressively through my window in my face by a man.

Whilst I agree the response is overly aggressive, if you can't pull over and tell you are blocking the way for other traffic, I question your ability as a driver. You absolutely shouldn't need to get beeped at or told you are in the way: you shouldn't be in the way in the first place.

I haven’t RTFT but to be frank, most men people become brave within the comfort of their own vehicle. Thus, giving them this surge of confidence to shout abuse out of the window whenever they feel like it.

I’ve heard it all:

”Women don’t know how to drive”
”Women are rubbish drivers”
”Women are slow”
”Women shouldn’t operate 4-wheel drives if they can’t control the vehicle”

Etc Etc.

Now, I always try to be fair on the road. Nobody knows what another person may or may not be going through.

But God forbid a man called me out of my name whilst my husband is sitting there?! Whew!

If there are children in the car, I would just keep driving, let it go over my head, water under the bridge.

But if my children were not in the car and it was just me and my partner wasn’t present, then I’m not going to waste my time shouting obscenities out of the window.

I would emergency stop, in the middle of a bloody dual carriageway, I don’t give a damn. I would get out and ask him to repeat it to my face, in front of everyone who has also been inconvenienced by my emergency stop.

I would record it on my phone. If he calls me a derogatory term again, I’d take his number plate, I have it on video, would get back into my car and drive off.

If he says nothing and doesn’t exit his vehicle, fine.

If he tries to get physically aggressive then I would defend myself, still make sure I get that number plate and then drive to the local police station and report him for harassment and verbal abuse.

Yeah, that escalated quickly! 😄

But that’s what I would do 🤷‍♀️

So a number of women (assumption) state they haven't experienced this (myself included) and you're saying it's because she's a woman??

I would record it on my phone. If he calls me a derogatory term again, I’d take his number plate, I have it on video, would get back into my car and drive off.

I forgot to add here that I would then drive off to the local police station to report them.

If he tries to get physically aggressive then I would defend myself, still make sure I get that number plate and then drive to the local police station and report him for harassment and verbal abuse.

Forgot to add, and physical abuse.

I have only been shouted at by men while driving my 'feminine' car. The shouting was for not pulling out of a junction into two lanes of moving traffic (swearing out of window, flashing lights, using the horn and fingers up at me), and also parking in a space that apparently he wanted although he was behind me (again, swearing and fingers up). I have never had this behaviour when driving my husbands 'manly' vehicle. My driving is the same in both.

So you’d risk being charged with dangerous driving because someone said something nasty?

As soon as I saw this, I knew most posters would pile on with "you should like a shit driver". I was surprised by the "yes, but I deserved it" comments. Deserved to be shouted at by a man because you presumably made a mistake?
OP said they get shouted at a few times a year. That's not enough to make her a shit driver.
People are lucky if they have not experienced aggression by male drivers.

Exactly. This poster's behaviour could actually kill people. Her disregard for road safety is way worse than the aggressive drivers she's complaining about.

A number of points here and I voted YABU. a) you are probably a shit driver; b) I often see men shouting at other men when driving. Most road rage incidents are man on man c) I drive alot but don't get shouted at hence a) above.

Have you never made a mistake with your driving? It was in an alleyway, I wasn’t blocking a road I wasn’t expecting anyone to drive up behind it was a quiet place and had pulled over to the side leaving enough room for a car to pass by but a van came up behind me. I had only stopped for 60 seconds so my kids could jump in the car.

I would fully expect to annoy someone if I left my car in the middle of the road to go shopping but why are people so quick to be so aggressive for a tiny inconvenience? Seems like there are a few of you on here that could answer that as you seem to be happy to say that you shout at other drivers?

OP- I don’t doubt this. People cut me up, barge though when it’s my right of way etc etc FAR more often when I drive my small hatchback compared to when I drive my husband’s expensive SUV. I drive both cars the same way but the experience I have is worlds apart in my husband’s car. Yes, I’m still a woman in both scenarios but my point is that other drivers don’t treat everyone equally. People men feel able to drive in an aggressive bullying manner towards smaller and cheaper cars.

Also, I would say I’m the more considerate driver between me and my husband but I’ve been on the receiving end of far more ranty angry male drivers (and cyclists) than he ever is. Women aren’t a threat to male drivers in the same way that other men are so they’re not worried about you catching them up at the next set of traffic lights or following them home and punching their lights out when you catch up with them.

I didn’t RTFT but was OP dangerous driving? If so, then yes, she’s going to get unsavoury verbals from angry drivers.

If she wasn’t dangerous driving, then yes, I would do all of the above in terms of reporting the incident.

You're desperately trying to make this about sexism when there's no evidence it is. This attitude really doesn't help addressing genuine sexism and misogyny.

Been driving for 22 years and never happened to me could it be your driving? Minor mistakes should be few and far between, any mistake behind the wheel of a car is careless and could cause a major accident.

I think it’s vile that you are being verbally abused but if this is happening a few times a year then it sounds like you aren’t the best driver.

Your DH could be a better driver which is why he’s not being shouted at.

I do agree with you though that they just need to beep or be less aggressive.

OP I am in London too and there is a lot of aggressive, unpleasant and downright driving. I only realise how bad it is when I drive in less urban parts of the UK.

*downright dangerous

Exactly!
A bloke once shouted at my brother, until he uncurled himself from his car. Shouty bloke squeaked and ran back to his own car.
If you want to see blokes raging at other blokes, women shouting at blokes, women shouting at other women then just look on you tube, plenty of examples on there.