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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely sick to death of men shouting at me in my car but never my husband

208 replies

Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 13:02

I’m really fed up of being verbally abused aggressively when driving for any minor thing by male drivers. This seems to happen to me a few times a year. In 20 years of being married this had never happened to my husband.

OP posts:
BettyUnderswoob · 21/01/2023 13:13

funinthesun19 · 21/01/2023 13:09

That’s the point OP is trying to make!
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who got it.

Show quote history

Do you really think there are no road rage incidents between men, or that men never get shouted at? Well you're wrong if so.
Some of the willy waving between men in cars is 100 times worse than a brief shouting at.

ancientgran · 21/01/2023 13:14

helpfulperson · 21/01/2023 13:05

I have never been shouted at by a man for my driving? Are you sure it's not your driving that's the issue? What sort of things?

I was thinking that.

Foxywood · 21/01/2023 13:16

BethDuttonsTwin · 21/01/2023 13:12

I never make eye contact with other drivers. If they let me go I smile and nod and flash my hazards to say thank you. Never look them in the face though, just off to the side but enough to see what kind of mood they’re in towards me. Learned not to years ago when driving round a major city. There’s a couple of benefits to this approach, I don’t feel threatened and scared at being abused and they don’t get to dump their rage on me, thus leaving them to internalise it and have to carry it around for the rest of their day 😊

Yes, never look at other drivers. If you haven’t looked at them you can sail along obeying the Highway Code, driving with caution, calm and relaxed in your own little world.

BliainNua · 21/01/2023 13:16

helpfulperson · 21/01/2023 13:05

I have never been shouted at by a man for my driving? Are you sure it's not your driving that's the issue? What sort of things?

Me neither 🤔

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 21/01/2023 13:18

It might be a vehicle thing. People definitely make assumptions about your driving or the type of person you are by your vehicle.

I used to drive a white minivan, a model that's popular with small tradesmen. When I switched to a small car in a pastel colour I suddenly found I was tailgated, overtaken (when doing the limit plus 10%), and cut up more often. Weirdly there's a perception that I'm driving more slowly/cautiously when I'm driving a Ladycar.

My H was a bit sceptical about this, until he borrowed my car for a weekend when his was in the garage and found the same thing happened to him.

Aprilx · 21/01/2023 13:24

funinthesun19 · 21/01/2023 13:09

That’s the point OP is trying to make!
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who got it.

Show quote history

Oh they do. Male drivers definitely shout at each other, they would probably be even more aggressive.

I can only think of one time when somebody shouted at me, he shouted “you aren’t looking”, I was a new driver in a very busy part of London and I probably was overwhelmed. In the 27 years since, nobody has ever shouted at me for my driving.

JustMaggie · 21/01/2023 13:27

No one should be shouting at other drivers. It's rude and lacking in discipline. Ignore them OP.

LlynTegid · 21/01/2023 13:27

Get registration number, report via 101 to police. Or report to the DVLA on the grounds of being unfit to drive.

Original poster
Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 13:28

For context I live in London. Some examples are me not leaving enough space for a car to get passed but still sitting in the car as I am waiting to pick someone up, a simple beep from behind would make me realise this and I would move straight away but instead I’m screamed at shouted at and called all the names under the sun aggressively through my window in my face by a man. In similar circumstances when the shoe had been on the other foot and a man (this has happened to me twice actually) had been blocking the exit of a car park and I lightly pressed my horn to let them know I wanted to get out, the men (two different occasions two different men) got out of their car and came to scream and shout in my face. Im not a terrible driver, not perfect im sure. My husband learned to drive in another country and in my opinion is he is a much worse and more inconsiderate driver than me but he is also a big man and this NEVER happens to him,

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 21/01/2023 13:28

The only time I got shouted at was when I deserved it.

The male vs female driver thnig that irritates me the most is if I start to overtake a car on the motorway and the car I am overtaking speeds up (and it is always a male driver).

NocturnalClocks · 21/01/2023 13:29

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 21/01/2023 13:18

It might be a vehicle thing. People definitely make assumptions about your driving or the type of person you are by your vehicle.

I used to drive a white minivan, a model that's popular with small tradesmen. When I switched to a small car in a pastel colour I suddenly found I was tailgated, overtaken (when doing the limit plus 10%), and cut up more often. Weirdly there's a perception that I'm driving more slowly/cautiously when I'm driving a Ladycar.

My H was a bit sceptical about this, until he borrowed my car for a weekend when his was in the garage and found the same thing happened to him.

There's a lot of truth in this. When I had a sports car it never happened. It's happened to me twice since I swapped it for a mum mobile. Both times the other (male) driver was clearly at fault and ignoring my right of way...

Original poster
Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 13:31

JustMaggie · 21/01/2023 13:27

No one should be shouting at other drivers. It's rude and lacking in discipline. Ignore them OP.

Thank you ❤️ I agree

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitone · 21/01/2023 13:34

Those saying they were only shouted at when they “deserved” it, when do you “deserve” to be verbally abused by a stranger?

OP posts:
BettyUnderswoob · 21/01/2023 13:34

Or report to the DVLA on the grounds of being unfit to drive

Really? Quite apart from any problems regarding hearsay/proof, I take it you are not familiar with the incompetent, and useles shitshow that is the DVLA?

Branleuse · 21/01/2023 13:35

Its happened to me several times, imcluding a bloke shouting CUNT at my then 8 year old daughter in the passenger seat because i had to indicate to change into the correct lane, therefore delayed him for a few seconds.

yousmellnice · 21/01/2023 13:35

Are you and your partner both shit drivers?

BabyOnBoard90 · 21/01/2023 13:37

I've had women and men be rude on the road, DP has also had the same experience.

Not everything is to do with gender and sex. Your life will be more fruitful when you stop looking fir new ways to posit yourself as a victim in society.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/01/2023 13:37

Round here you do get men who think they can shout at women in any circumstance. And don’t do the same to other men.

Driving instances might be like if you’re already driving through a narrow gap between parked cars (so established on the road) and then would come along from the other side, enter the same gap and shout at you to go backwards. So definitely the shouter at fault.

Coffeellama · 21/01/2023 13:38

Branleuse · 21/01/2023 13:35

Its happened to me several times, imcluding a bloke shouting CUNT at my then 8 year old daughter in the passenger seat because i had to indicate to change into the correct lane, therefore delayed him for a few seconds.

I think this demonstrates he just shouted at whoever was in the car, because why would he shout cunt at your 8 year old daughter rather than you? Do you think the guy wouldn’t have shouted at your 8 year old son?

Primroseprimula · 21/01/2023 13:40

No one should be verbally abusing you OP, but it sounds like you are using your horn in a way that is winding other people up.

katseyes7 · 21/01/2023 13:42

I've been driving for over 30 years and only twice have other drivers 'tooted' at me. Both times were when l misjudged their speed on a roundabout when l was at the junction, and pulled out. Very rightly deserved.
If it happened regularly l'd be wondering what was going on. Either with my driving, or them.

ReamsOfCheese · 21/01/2023 13:42

How do people hear all this shouting if you've got your windows closed and doors locked and you're driving a car? Maybe people do shout and I don't hear them over the engine/radio??

MaybeSmaller · 21/01/2023 13:46

Saying OP is a "shit driver" is missing the point, whether true or not. Nobody should be shouting at other road users when driving.

Part of safe driving is anticipating and allowing for other people's mistakes, because everyone is human and even the best driver makes the odd error. Shouting and swearing at every perceived slight doesn't fit in with that approach.

In fact if you feel the constant need to shout at other drivers, and "school" them for (in your eyes) their mistakes, then you're a bad driver yourself and are probably compensating for other inadequacies.

As for differing attitudes based on who you are and the vehicle you drive, Ashley Neal on YT has done some good videos on this - see "hierarchy of road users" and "how people treat learner vehicles" (I'm paraphrasing from memory but those are the rough titles). As far as I can remember, he doesn't specifically address the male vs. female issue - he's a man and probably 99.9% of the aggression he gets comes from other men - but it's definitely part of the same problem.

Coffeellama · 21/01/2023 13:48

MaybeSmaller · 21/01/2023 13:46

Saying OP is a "shit driver" is missing the point, whether true or not. Nobody should be shouting at other road users when driving.

Part of safe driving is anticipating and allowing for other people's mistakes, because everyone is human and even the best driver makes the odd error. Shouting and swearing at every perceived slight doesn't fit in with that approach.

In fact if you feel the constant need to shout at other drivers, and "school" them for (in your eyes) their mistakes, then you're a bad driver yourself and are probably compensating for other inadequacies.

As for differing attitudes based on who you are and the vehicle you drive, Ashley Neal on YT has done some good videos on this - see "hierarchy of road users" and "how people treat learner vehicles" (I'm paraphrasing from memory but those are the rough titles). As far as I can remember, he doesn't specifically address the male vs. female issue - he's a man and probably 99.9% of the aggression he gets comes from other men - but it's definitely part of the same problem.

You are missing the point too. Her point wasn’t ‘people shouldn’t verbally abuse other drivers’ it was I only get shouted at because I’m female. Which isn’t true, men also shout at other men.

TheGuv1982 · 21/01/2023 13:49

My road rage is gender agnostic.