AIBU to carry on ‘white’ lie about crispy aromatic duck to the DC?

[KellyJs]

If you’re looking for a thought provoking thread this isn’t it, but I am not sure what to do and looking for outside help, as my family just laugh when I try and ask them for advice.

I love a Chinese takeaway, part of the order (as is most peoples right?!) is a 1/4 crispy aromatic duck. DH had pet ducks growing up, and when I first ordered a Chinese takeaway in the early days of our relationship he got quite upset about the duck (he had never had a Chinese before) and refused to eat it.

So ever since then when I’ve ordered a Chinese for myself I’ve told a white lie that my starter is actually crispy pork, and that I took on his feedback re the duck being upsetting for him. He doesn’t eat the pork/duck so I’m not lying to him about something he consumes, but to avoid the unnecessary hurt I thought it was a harmless white lie at the time.

This has now been going on for 12 years, my family are involved, as when we order as a group they all keep up the pretence it’s pork.

However, I’m not sure what to do now DC are at an age they participate in family takeaway nights.

Do I keep up the lie, and tell them it’s pork, as if I tell them the truth one of them will blab to their dad, and my whole porky palace of lies will crumble around me.

I know I’m unreasonable for letting it get this far, but I can’t go back in time.

So AIBU to also lie to the children about the duck?

YABU - you need to come clean to everyone involved

YANBU - it’s to late now, keep lying until you die

When I was a kid we kept chickens, ducks, and rabbits and then we ate them.

Your DH needs to get over you eating duck.🙄

Agree with this post.

The time to panic is when he goes the door and the driver goes “I’m sorry, we had no DUCK so we had to refund it” lol 😂

Maybe stop buying it but start making it at home using your own version of it, using chicken instead of duck.

I’d be surprised if he didn’t already know. 12 years and multiple people involved is a lot to keep that a secret, if the duck comes on the bone it’s obvious it’s not pork, you also have to order the food and it would be on a receipt he might see, there’s too many moving parts to keep it going.

I would confess, tell him you feel awful but didn’t ever mean to have it go on this long, and see how he handles it. it’s one of those ‘big things that are also little things’ that might cause some hurt and trust issues but also may be something everyone has a good laugh about and moves easily past.

we will know what happened if we see a post about ‘Aibu to be mad my wife told me she was eating pork when it was really duck’ on here in a few days.

I also hide the fact he once ran over a group of baby ducklings driving down the M40, told him they were chicks.

Is this supposed to be funny? Poor birds.

I don’t think you will have to tell him the truth, it’s on at least one of the mainstream tabloid newspapers websites this morning so the penny may drop for him anyway OP!

OMG, that’s even worse !! You’d have a problem with him eating Bugs Bunny, so he doesn’t, but you’re still eating Daffy Duck disguised as Porky Pig !!

Yep. If he’d rung to enquire after their welfare, the farmer would have told him they were delicious !!

If something really upset my DH then I'd stop ordering it. I honestly wouldn't involve the kids in the lie, that just takes it too far.

I haven’t read all the thread, so this might have been asked already, but doesn’t your DH read the menu?

Surely the main problem is that it seems pretty much his entire family have been lying to him? It doesn’t matter that it’s over something so trivial, that’s the part that would really upset me.
Colluding against him is awful. I’d really struggle to get over that.

thh if you had any love for this man you would stop ordering duck and let the lie die out.

Sorry, are you saying you met an adult that had never had Chinese food? That’s the most baffling part of this to me 😂

Stop ordering "pork" and tell him you've found something you like better. Start ordering duck. Tell him they look pretty similar, but that the duck is much better.

There is a simple solution

Just stop ordering duck.

Your husband is a bit pathetic.
HTH.

"You know what, DH, I think I've been getting duck all these years, my mistake"

Your DH, he might not see it as white lie. I would def order a different starter.

Try charge sui bau, shao mai and har gow dim sum.

Char sui pork is yummy, though I do like crispy duck myself. It's the housing sauce, leeks and cucumber, so maybe try a housing dish instead.

Making me hungry now!

OP I feel your pain. My now DH sent me flowers all the time … most weeks. For years. I just didn’t have the heart to tell him that I really don’t care for cut flowers. I loved the sentiment and his thoughtfulness. I tried so many tactics to stop him … 🤦🏼‍♀️ eventually I just blurted it out. It was horrible. I don’t wish I’d kept up the pretence and he does see why it was hard for me to say anything - yours will too.

I don't know if this will help you feel better OP, but here goes. 25 or more years ago I went pescetarian. We didn't have a microwave and it took too long to defrost meat from the freezer when I was on my own so just stopped eating meat. This is how it accidentally happened. My DH liked the veggie stir fries and pasta I cooked so a couple of years later went pescatarian too. Fast forward 10 years and DH starts to eat meat again to encourage DCs annd now eats meat practically every meal. However, both DCs and DH always said I don't eat meat. Almost likes it is a part of who Mummy is!!! All my friends and relations also assume I will always be a pescatarian.
What they don't know is every time I have been away with work for the past 15 years I have eaten duck, chicken, steak even.... I just don't have the heart to tell them...
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Don’t try and get the kids onto the crispy duck! They’ll love it just for the novelty of getting to roll the meat up in the pancakes and your DH will then say to the DC that instead of getting duck pancakes why not just get the pork pancakes the same as mum. The pork doesn’t actually exist on the menu so you’ll be in an even trickier position when you try to justify that and DH might believe the duck is pork but the DC won’t when they’re eating it.

My suggestion would be to wait until the Chinese restaurant update their takeaway menu. When you go to order exclaim dismay that they don’t do pork pancakes anymore and only do duck. Then you have a choice to either give up the duck and stop lying or to tell DH that you are going to order the duck and from that point on stop lying about what you’re ordering.

Next time you order a Chinese just say to him that you fancy the duck this time and order it in plain sight so he knows you are ordering duck, thus the lie is ended and merged into a now truth which you can carry to the future!

Your husband is an adult & old enough to just not eat the duck. Whether you eat it or not is up to you not him.
Come clean & let the kids choose for themselves.
Personally I love all animals - I’ve had chickens, pigs, sheep & cows to care for as well as regular cats, dogs, rats, hamsters, fish & more some even more exotic pets at college - but I still eat Pork, Duck, Chicken & lamb, my favourite meat, but I’m not a big fan of Beef.
I’m not going to lie about what I am eating to please someone else because, as you are now experiencing, little lies become big millstones around your neck!
Just come clean.

It's so funny that you've made such an effort with this! I honestly couldn't pander to someone being sensitive about this. If he doesn't want to eat it, it's up to him. I would do as pp suggested, just order the duck and say you prefer it, it's got more flavour and makes a nice change.

Wasn’t it the chick and the duck ? Don’t remember a rabbit.