AIBU to carry on ‘white’ lie about crispy aromatic duck to the DC?

[KellyJs]

If you’re looking for a thought provoking thread this isn’t it, but I am not sure what to do and looking for outside help, as my family just laugh when I try and ask them for advice.

I love a Chinese takeaway, part of the order (as is most peoples right?!) is a 1/4 crispy aromatic duck. DH had pet ducks growing up, and when I first ordered a Chinese takeaway in the early days of our relationship he got quite upset about the duck (he had never had a Chinese before) and refused to eat it.

So ever since then when I’ve ordered a Chinese for myself I’ve told a white lie that my starter is actually crispy pork, and that I took on his feedback re the duck being upsetting for him. He doesn’t eat the pork/duck so I’m not lying to him about something he consumes, but to avoid the unnecessary hurt I thought it was a harmless white lie at the time.

This has now been going on for 12 years, my family are involved, as when we order as a group they all keep up the pretence it’s pork.

However, I’m not sure what to do now DC are at an age they participate in family takeaway nights.

Do I keep up the lie, and tell them it’s pork, as if I tell them the truth one of them will blab to their dad, and my whole porky palace of lies will crumble around me.

I know I’m unreasonable for letting it get this far, but I can’t go back in time.

So AIBU to also lie to the children about the duck?

YABU - you need to come clean to everyone involved

YANBU - it’s to late now, keep lying until you die

My DH is like that with ducks due to having pets as a child

I cannot understand why some people are so
Precious about ducks but pork/chicken/beef/lamb is ok?

Has he never looked at the menu?

Order crispy lamb instead - most Chinese do this and it’s not massively different from the duck in terms of that crispy outer and sweetish meet. Try it instead.

I would say to him one day........if i was going to order duck for a take away at some point would you prefer it if I didn't tell you? Then when he says he would rather not know you can feel vindicated that you've never told him.

You love the duck, you should be able to order it. DH doesn't have to eat it. If it would make you feel better, just own up to the truth and enjoy stress free take-out.

Just switch to pork

Your DH knows, there's no way he doesn't.

He also knows how you behave when you lie and that youd rather keep an uncomplicated and stupid lie for 12 yrs than have an awkward conversation.

I'd guarantee he makes fun of you about it.

Will he eat duck eggs?

I like it, he cannot eat duck or chicken, because he had pets.
I guess he got too attached, I grew up on a farm, with pet, pigs, chickens. The neighbour had ducks. I had no problem eating them.
He must think I am a savage, I got attacked by a cockrill, I don't know why, but my dad pulled him off me, (I was a 6 year old child, collecting eggs, he jumped up my back and dug his talons in.) tea that night was roast chicken! That was my revenge.
We had a piglet, that had a dodgy leg, he had the name FP. When a friend asked why FP, I said for freezer pug. As that's where he would end up.
You learn, not to get attached, it's part of the life cycle.
I did get evils, off a woman at Morrisons, when I said to my son, (5 or so,) did he want pig or cow for Sunday dinner. We were looking at, beef and pork joints. I don't know why I got the evils, that's what they were. At least I didn't do the oink or moo. Just come clean and say its duck.

It's a tangled web you weave when you practice to duck deceive. You could come clean and face the music and then at least the stress of everyone lying is put to bed or you could go stella and sacrifice a duck in front of him and bathe in its blood (that last bit is a joke)

I think he suspects you, OP: time to get your 😱ducks in a row

OK so he's not eating it right? Say you lied once, the last time you had it. Because they've swapped it from pork to duck and your kids tried it last time and liked it. You lied because you didn't want to upset him bit you can't lie much longer so can they just eat it? He can't surely stop his kids from eating whatever they like. Also remember to tell your family your plans so they don't jokingly talk about it when the beans are spilled. If he's upset and does want to stop you all from eating it that badly then I guess you're all eating a different dish for the rest of your life lol.

It’s more unreasonable you’re married to a big baby. Does he know about Santa or the tooth fairy yet?

This is a comedy example of how even little lies can escalate.
I have no idea what you should do, it's either lie to the kids too or come clean, dont think it's the best idea to get them to join the lie.....even though a little part of me does think it would be rather funny!

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive [our DH into believing duck is pork].

Sorry No advice from me, but I absolutely love this, totally something I’d do if needed to enjoy my food in peace.

DH often recoils at my food choices but never goes far enough to make a big deal of it and when it arrives he shuts up so I can enjoy the plate of disgust I was looking forward to. Despite his food aversions he’s very good with DD and tries very hard not to influence her, she tries everything

I’m pescatarian for this very reason. I eat plenty of fish (obviously) and sometimes chicken. But I no longer eat red meat 🥩 for purely emotional reasons, even though I love the taste of it. I have dogs and eating anything with four legs and a cute face doesn’t appeal to me.

OK I might be soft in the head, but I’m not “simple” 😜

He sounds pretty ignorant to be honest, crispy duck is one of the most popular dishes yet all these years he thinks it's pork. At least you admit you're hypocritical though as you'd be annoyed if he ate rabbit in front of you.

Ah but they're not as cute are they, so that makes it okay- their lives aren't worth as much.

This is the best thread I have ever read on MN.
I would come clean but tell him I will continute to order duck.. he isnt eating it, so whats the problem!? my ex hubby liked rabbit - I couldnt eat rabbit as I had a pet rabbit growing up and it felt wrong, I never stopped him eating / ordering it though!

Presumably your family are laughing when you go to them with this quite simply because it is ridiculous.

Whilst it's nice that you want to preserve DP's feelings, that isn't your job to do for him as an adult and certainly not over something so daft. If he isn't even a vegan and therefore morally opposed to the slaughter and consumption of any animal for his takeaway then what even is the logic he has going on and why can't he be expected to just get over it or understand as everyone else does that other people will have different opinions on what to have for dinner and that's up to them. He need not order or consume the duck if it bothers him. I would just tell him what I'd done and say I couldn't be bothered with it any more and will be ordering the duck.

I eat meat and fish and have a Vegan DP (who has never eaten meat as an adult as a moral choice) and they have the wherewithal to grasp that although they would probably prefer otherwise it has absolutely nothing to do with them what I consume, it is them that has decided to be vegan. In return I respect them by ensuring surfaces and tools that I've cooked meat with do not go anywhere near their food and I check any ingredients for meals I make them thoroughly. We sit and eat dinner together and there's never been a word said about it. I'm sure he'll cope OP, if he didn't that would be the bigger worry for me tbh.

Hello, enjoyed this and the replies. Just to throw in I told my now 19 year old that 1) chewing gum for kids is illegal until mid teenage years (she only learned the truth when a fellow parent offered her some...) and 2) Nutella is not available in the UK (gosh, how amazing when it did become available in the supermarkets!!!!). She's not scarred. As the adult she thinks it is hilarious. There was a mini bit of outrage over the chewing gum incident but we are talking mini. It's a bit like the santa argument. You can either just tell them or let them go figure and the penny drop, amongst peers. I am with others though that if you eat meat, accept that no creature is more or less cute than others. My said teen is now a vegetarian, having been left to work out her own thoughts on that, we had healthy discussions over it, and then respected her for that decision made at 14/15 - and that might be something your son might appreciate too.

It’s going to be ‘canard to tell the truth now.

Yep, a nice crispy row, with hoisin and pancakes !!

for ducks sake don't tell