AIBU to carry on ‘white’ lie about crispy aromatic duck to the DC?

[KellyJs]

If you’re looking for a thought provoking thread this isn’t it, but I am not sure what to do and looking for outside help, as my family just laugh when I try and ask them for advice.

I love a Chinese takeaway, part of the order (as is most peoples right?!) is a 1/4 crispy aromatic duck. DH had pet ducks growing up, and when I first ordered a Chinese takeaway in the early days of our relationship he got quite upset about the duck (he had never had a Chinese before) and refused to eat it.

So ever since then when I’ve ordered a Chinese for myself I’ve told a white lie that my starter is actually crispy pork, and that I took on his feedback re the duck being upsetting for him. He doesn’t eat the pork/duck so I’m not lying to him about something he consumes, but to avoid the unnecessary hurt I thought it was a harmless white lie at the time.

This has now been going on for 12 years, my family are involved, as when we order as a group they all keep up the pretence it’s pork.

However, I’m not sure what to do now DC are at an age they participate in family takeaway nights.

Do I keep up the lie, and tell them it’s pork, as if I tell them the truth one of them will blab to their dad, and my whole porky palace of lies will crumble around me.

I know I’m unreasonable for letting it get this far, but I can’t go back in time.

So AIBU to also lie to the children about the duck?

YABU - you need to come clean to everyone involved

YANBU - it’s to late now, keep lying until you die

Lie until you die, post periodically on mn so we know if he ever finds out.
He sounds very delicate.

Your husband is a dope.

Well, you either tell him you’ve lied, or you totally stop ordering duck, or - this is what I’d do if I were you - you continue to eat it but in future tell him that you will be ordering the duck version in future. I’d imagine the latter will be less upsetting. He can’t dictate this to you if he eats other meat happily as it’s a totally hypocritical ethical stance (I say that as a vegetarian!).

I would tell him the truth while laughing my head off at having gotten away with it for so long. But then again I'd never have started the lie. I'd have just always ordered the duck and been open about it. He'd have had to get over it or put up with it.

Does your DH think his pet ducks went to live on the farm in Wales?

I know how your DH feels. I've got pet chickens and I'm a vegetarian. I find it really hard to sit around people eating chicken now. My mum still sends me pics of her chicken dinner - quite innocently forgetting that I don't want to see it but it makes me feel really strange inside. Sad and grossed out.

I would steer well clear of a meal where I knew roast chicken was being served but I can just about handle peoole eating nuggets or something near me. That said, I wouldn't really expect anyone to change their eating habits just for me - I would just take myself out of the situation.

Who made you the boss of which words other people use? Yeah you don't get to do that.

If this thread was the other way around the response would be 'LTB. who knows what else he's lied to you about....'

When I was kid, everything was chicken

That turkey I was eating? chicken

The beef? Chicken

Obviously when I got older, my parents and nan confessed but I carried on eating them because I liked them

but he eats fish?
just order the crispy duck, or whatever its called
and if he asks just say, oh this is crispy duck, delicious!

I don’t care what meat people eat. Dog, cat, horse whatever, as long as you raise it and slaughter it humanely.

What I have a problem with, is them torturing the cats and dogs before killing them because “it makes the meat taste better”

That I have a problem with.

I won’t eat them myself though

but dont tell him you lied before.

Just carry on dear he is too thick to notice now no need to bother children's pretty little heads either pork duck it's all the same anyway really.

won’t eat chicken either (also had pet chicks when little)

Oh boy, only pet chicks and never chickens. His parents have secrets that out weigh yours (by a blue whale or two).

I don't eat either of them and unless the duck had wings and a head I wouldn't know the difference.

I agree but I think most meat eaters are like this - happy to eat pigs etc but wouldn't eat a dog because they see them as pets. So don't think he's unusual in that

Why are you tip toeing around a full grown man who wants to dictate what you eat. So you give up your duck and he continues to eat his Chinese meal happily because you are an adult who has lived a fuller life and people eating different food doesn't bother you.

Tell him it's duck. Tell him you protected him because you were being kind, but you aren't sheltering the kids the same way and they are growing up to know people have different likes and dislikes. Tough if he doesn't like it, call out how pathetic the entire situation is to begin with. That for you to eat what you enjoy you felt the need to lie.

I always thought that it was fairly common for people to eat chicken/beef/lamb/pork but not duck/rabbit/deer/kangaroo and be horrified by eating horse/dog/zebra etc. I am not saying it makes sense (I don’t eat any) but I think it a normal thought process

You had me at "porky palace of lies" OP

You're a grown woman. If you want to eat duck DH will have to make peace with that

No need to come clean or do without. Next time you order just say oh they have crispy duck on the menu I am going to have that. And keep having it in the future.

I don’t have any advice. I just wanted to add that I really enjoyed ‘porky palace of lies’ 😂

Either,

Stop ordering duck, because you genuinely care about your husband’s feelings on it

Or,

Order crispy duck next time, and deal with any upset arising. Explain (privately, away from the children and family) that you told a stupid lie but you can’t keep doing that now.

Has anyone else mentioned the fact that the mock duck you can get in a takeaway is indistinguishable from the real thing? If anything it's nicer because you don't get bits of gristle. You could have been enjoying that and saved all the subterfuge!