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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

806 replies

thecranberries · 21/01/2023 10:40

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 21/01/2023 12:10

Changechangechanging · 21/01/2023 10:46

Personally, I’d want to know but others would turn a blind eye. Difficult.

Same here.

I would be bollcoking ds and sending him round to help tidy and he'd be paying towards the bill.

But I know many of my friends with kids the same age would have tried to say it wasn't their little darling or that's what happens at parties.

You were mad to go out though!

CohenTree · 21/01/2023 12:10

[I am reminded of that Yellow Pages TV advert of the 1990s.]

OP I think your daughter and her (female) friends are to be applauded! With that in mind perhaps you can ok it with her first before contacting the parents. Or perhaps DD would like to contact the parents herself?

Won't your household insurance cover the damage?

OhBitchPeas · 21/01/2023 12:11

I have a 16 year old boy and that would seriously piss me off.

The disrespect of your house and then making girls tidy up the fucking mess?!

I would want to bloody know and I would be making sure him and his pals went round there and fixed the issue.

OoooohMatron · 21/01/2023 12:11

40 teenagers! Mate what were you thinking?

DaveyJonesLocker · 21/01/2023 12:11

I would want to know. But why the hell did you go out? We had loads of parties at that age but always with an adult present.

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 12:11

If this was a group of 5 or even 10 then I’d contact the parents.

But 40 teens is like having a stampede of wild rhinos in your home and I think you got off lightly.

I don’t know why you would allow your DD to have 40 friends around, that is literally insane and very irresponsible that you left teen males and females together whilst you went out.

Your DD was very quick to blame all of the boys and none of the girls, which seems a little suspect.

Just chalk it up to experience and next time invite way less people.

Cuppasoupmonster · 21/01/2023 12:13

2chocolateoranges · 21/01/2023 10:45

Personally I would just chalk it up to experience. You left teenagers is your home, you need to expect a few arseholes to turn up.

40 teens in your home is a recipe for disaster!

This. Teens are little arseholes no matter how polite they are to your face. Shampoo the carpet, fix the lawn and chalk it up to experience. Contacting the parents would look a bit neurotic.

Baggyjumper · 21/01/2023 12:13

@Isheabastard "My SIL had this with her DD. 18th Birthday party in the garden. Invitees boys and girls from nice independent school, ‘nice boys’"
"It was his sons party and again mostly boys from an independent school"
@thecranberries "Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools."

Maybe next time invite some boys from working class families who go to state schools? You might be surprised that us commoners can be well-behaved and 'nice' too. Seriously, why do you assume any correlation between social class/type of school and being 'nice', responsible and respecting other people's property?

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 21/01/2023 12:13

Exactly the same thing happened to us when gorgeous DSD had her 17th birthday party at home. We stayed in, hiding in the front room while the teens were in the back of the house, and it still didn't stop it because it wasn't ill-intentioned, just muddy in February and when they went outside they got wet. Her lovely friends kept coming up to us and saying that they would have a whip round to pay for the carpet cleaning or carrying bits of mud in their hands and asking helplessly what they should do with it.

It's part and parcel of having a teen party, we decided. We did end up getting rid of the carpet in the hall, which was in general a good thing.

TheSnootiestFox · 21/01/2023 12:14

As a mother of a 15 year old boy, if you called me to complain about my son's behaviour in such circumstances then I would obviously have issue with him, but I'm afraid that I would tear you a new arsehole for putting him and his peers at risk! What on earth were you thinking?? What if there had been a fire? How would 40 kids have got out of the house safely? Why on earth would you go out and leave your house full of kids that age with no grown up? Anything could have happened to them and it would have been your fault.

I'd keep my mouth shut if I were you and just be grateful that my negligence has gone under the radar!

PoIIyPandemonium · 21/01/2023 12:14

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CohenTree · 21/01/2023 12:15

… and the other parents don't need to know there were 40 unsupervised teenagers! You simply need to say they (offending ones) were invited to your home and responded by trashing your carpets, trespassing in your shed, abusing your tools and ruining your lawn.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 21/01/2023 12:15

StubbleAndSqueak · 21/01/2023 10:48

I wouldn't have gone out but fuck it, I'd be ringing them out of pure rage personally

Exactly what I would do.

spidereggs · 21/01/2023 12:15

I wouldn't leave forty adults in my house and go out.

Crazy.

We are farmers, very rural so this type of gathering is common, outside, in a shed, adults go as well to keep an eye.

I'm not even sure I would have been keen on my 16 year old going as it was bound to end badly.

rookiemere · 21/01/2023 12:16

@ohdearydearieme "What did you think would happen with 40 kids in an adult free house? Tiddlywinks and charades?".

Funnily enough DH went off on his annual walking weekend with the dog in December.

I gutted the living room ( impossible with the dog around) and was very much looking forward to a solo evening with scented candles and Netflix ( no hidden meanings there) but when DS asked if he could have 4 pals round felt I couldn't say no so hid upstairs instead. It was getting a bit rowdy at 10 so I went down to find them all playing Monopoly Grin of all things. Did discover in the morning that it seemed to involve shot drinking though as well, so not as wholesome as it seemed.

Reigateforever · 21/01/2023 12:17

I myself wouldn’t have left 16 year olds alone but I stayed in the bedroom watching tv. That being said people do leave their children thinking they can be trusted, their children can but it’s the others.
Take photos and send to parents but don’t expect positive feedback as their was no supervision. What if there was a fire?

CohenTree · 21/01/2023 12:17

@pigsinoodies LOL

Cuppasoupmonster · 21/01/2023 12:18

TheSnootiestFox · 21/01/2023 12:14

As a mother of a 15 year old boy, if you called me to complain about my son's behaviour in such circumstances then I would obviously have issue with him, but I'm afraid that I would tear you a new arsehole for putting him and his peers at risk! What on earth were you thinking?? What if there had been a fire? How would 40 kids have got out of the house safely? Why on earth would you go out and leave your house full of kids that age with no grown up? Anything could have happened to them and it would have been your fault.

I'd keep my mouth shut if I were you and just be grateful that my negligence has gone under the radar!

Haha! Do you make your DS wear rubber gloves and a crash helmet to school as well? How ridiculously dramatic.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/01/2023 12:18

So, you did actually call the parents of the lead boy - what was their response @thecranberries ?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 21/01/2023 12:18

With 40 16/17 year olds in the house I think you've got off lightly
You should've stayed, but out of the way
Don't phone the parents... you don't know the truth as you weren't there!

Wiluli · 21/01/2023 12:19

“ all the boys come from good families and come from good estate or private schools “
translates into , all the boys have nil consideration to real cost the cost of things and are a bunch of spoiled disrespectful idiots .
the reality is it’s your fault . Who leave 40 teens alone in a house . I would still contact the parents just to let them know what awful brats they have at home but do not expect them to pay as most will probably say no .

PoIIyPandemonium · 21/01/2023 12:19

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SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2023 12:21

I'd want to know. Just dint expect an apology or cash

redskydelight · 21/01/2023 12:21

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

There's your problem OP - probably children who have cleaners to clean up after them and don't care about possessions because you can always replace them Hmm
.... Or maybe you have just learnt that your snobbish preconceptions aren't correct?

If you'd contacted me as the parent I would have a chat with my son about behaviour ... but mostly I'd be thinking that you were a total idiot to go out and leave your 16 year old DD in sole charge of supervising 40 teenagers.