Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

Op I think you got off lightly actually.

I'm also not one for having carpets that can't withstand dirt.

However I think it's the fact someone has come to her party and disrespected her and caused her worry

And that's the angel I would be going with.

Daughters party ruined by disrespectful boys.... left girls to clean up.

No, I've just dealt with teenagers for most of my career and been to too many kid's funerals due to alcohol poisoning, house fires caused by cigarettes/tealights/candles, road accidents through getting in cars with drunk friends after parties and one punch fights. And thats without the rape allegations and pregnancy scares.

How ridiculously lacking in responsibility you must be@Cuppasoupmonster

A bit of mud - sorry but you got off lightly - clean it and move on

DD had a few friends round while I was away once - ended up having gate crashers - doors off hinges, eggs thrown at walls, all alcohol (mine including a bottle of Verve I'd been given for my birthday) stolen, house trashed and a sexual assault - it was awful - you left them unsupervised - shit happens but it's just mud!

Out of interest, how many have you been to?

Is your local school Waterloo Road?

Accidental damage, I'd agree, but it's not ops fault the boys set out ot deliberately cause mess and damage. If she'd been upstairs and her daughter had called her down they'd have already got into the shed and traisped mud into the house in purpose.

Am I the only mum of a teen DS who have this random woman rang claiming that my DS did as she claims he did… to ask him, and if he denies, believe him and say that I’m not doing a same thing about it because it wasn’t my son

Incredibly irresponsible on your part to go out - what if one of those 'lovely girls' was assaulted, or had far too much to drink and passed out, leaving other drunk 16 year olds to decide if she needed to go to hospital or not?

If you contact other parents, bet you will be more vilified for leaving the premises than a bunch of boys who were a bit stupid about stomping mud around at a party.

Not doing a damn think about it

Just a thought. But isn’t it irrelevant whether the OP was daft enough to leave them alone ? If the ones responsible were teenagers, they were old enough to know that what they were doing was wrong, and are at the age of criminal responsibility. And if things happened the way the OP has said, isn’t this criminal damage ? Therefore a phone call or visit to the parents of the ones responsible to point out exactly that may be appropriate.

Actually I would expect higher standards from the so called adult. What if there had been a fire? The son would be dealt with accordingly if he was ever brave/stupid enough to trash someone's house but you can't leave a house full of under 18s alone as its a bloody safeguarding issue! This is why I have so much fun in my day job because of fuckwits with no understanding of being responsible for kids.

No! I was thinking exactly the same.

I would usually agree and say suck it up but I have a 16 year old son and I would 100% want to know if he had behaved like this. I wouldn’t necessarily give you any money but I might make him go round and apologise

I'm afraid I think this is on you for leaving 40 teens in your house unsupervised.

40 unsupervised 16 year olds? You literally only have yourself to blame

You can try, but agree with others that it is a consequence of your actions too.

Relly unfair and unrealistic to expect a 16 YO girl to be able to perform security and crowd control on 40 😱 teenagers.

I'm not sure how seriously police would take accusations of criminal damage from invited guests trampling mud into the carpet.

TBH the most costly damage has been caused by the girl who broke the Dyson by trying to vacuum wet mud, but no one has commented in that.

Oh, and you're being unreasonable thinking it wouldn't happen because they go to "good" state schools or private schools.

I wouldn’t have left 40 teenagers unsupervised but equally how the boys have behaved is disrespectful. Worrying too that the boys - or some of them - ignored your daughter and disregarded her requests for them to leave and then tried to steal things.

I personally would contact the parents - irrespective of whether or not you were right to leave them unsupervised, they behaved in a very disrespectful way. I don’t think I’d be asking for a contribution but I would be highlighting that your daughter was ignored.

More fool you for leaving them home alone.
Sadly, it is a predictable outcome.

16 year old teenagers in trainers walked in and out of the house from a muddy garden?
Were they trying to find an outdoor covered spot to smoke in?
It does sound like thoughtlessness rather than deliberate abuse of your home.

In this case I wouldn't call the parents.

TBH the most costly damage has been caused by the girl who broke the Dyson by trying to vacuum wet mud, but no one has commented in that

1985 for my 15th I had a little party and my mum went out for 2 hours returning at 11 to find me trying to hoover up sick! She woke me the next morning and made me pick out the lumps with a knife - while dry heaving!

You left 40 teenagers in your house and expected it not to be a disaster?

YABU. If you called me about what my child had done I would apologise politely, remind them (bollock them) about how to behave at someone else's house but I wouldn't be paying for you to have your carpets cleaned.

I agree with PP you got off lightly with just some mud

I had a group of 10 girls round for a sleepover at 15 and my mum stayed home, the house still got trashed since two decided to take it upon themselves to start a food fight with the chocolate fountain! My parents were removing chocolate from furniture, walls, ceilings, my younger brothers wardrobe for months!