Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

806 replies

thecranberries · 21/01/2023 10:40

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Tulipp · 21/01/2023 11:42

Don't ring the parents, that would be weird and inappropriate.

Don't let your dc have a party again, if they do then limit numbers and stay around or at least tell them to ring you as soon as things get out of control.

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:42

BankOfDave · 21/01/2023 11:38

The argument of “it’s your fault, what do you expect from 40 teens” is the equivalent argument as girls wearing revealing clothes are ‘asking for it. Victim blaming.

There comes a point when 16 year olds are responsible for their own behaviour without needing to be supervised 24/7. What you do about it and how you know who did what is up to you but YANBU to expect better behaviour.

It’s not the same at all

Because the Op is a grown assed adult home owner who allowed 40 16!years to be unattended and with alcohol.

not remotely similar to a “girl” wearing revealing clothing

Coffeellama · 21/01/2023 11:42

Theblacksheepandme · 21/01/2023 11:41

I find it hard to believe that OP knows all 40 parents of these kids.

She hasn’t claimed to, she only wants to
phone the lead boys parents.

RealBecca · 21/01/2023 11:43

BankOfDave · 21/01/2023 11:38

The argument of “it’s your fault, what do you expect from 40 teens” is the equivalent argument as girls wearing revealing clothes are ‘asking for it. Victim blaming.

There comes a point when 16 year olds are responsible for their own behaviour without needing to be supervised 24/7. What you do about it and how you know who did what is up to you but YANBU to expect better behaviour.

Oh come off it. Would YOU let 40 teens have a party in your house? Why not? Drop the wide eyed innocent act, of course you wouldn't. It's the same reason pubs and clubs have bouncers.

Iknowthis1 · 21/01/2023 11:44

Don't call the parents.

They'll turn it's around on you for leaving them unsupervised.

The whole thing will be a shit show and your daughter will be caught in the middle of it.

The girls need to find a new group of boys to socialise with.

Sellorkeep · 21/01/2023 11:44

Did these 40 odd children’s parents know they were going to a big, unsupervised party?

BankOfDave · 21/01/2023 11:45

It’s also hilarious people guffawing at the fact they were unsupervised. I presume all the parents were happy to let their ‘child’ attend without them staying and confirmed with OP there would be supervision prior to allowing them to the party. yeah right any of them did that.

TheaBrandt · 21/01/2023 11:45

Little sod. Recently had first teen party Dd 16 friends 17 50 odd guests I stayed upstairs and checked on them hourly which I would recommend. It’s mad to have gone out. All guests were profoundly grateful and has to be said the boys cleaned up more than the girls. There was damage nothing that bad but it was accidental

speakout · 21/01/2023 11:46

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending.

A lesson learned OP.

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:46

BankOfDave · 21/01/2023 11:45

It’s also hilarious people guffawing at the fact they were unsupervised. I presume all the parents were happy to let their ‘child’ attend without them staying and confirmed with OP there would be supervision prior to allowing them to the party. yeah right any of them did that.

No because the vast majority would have fibbed to their parents

or

presumed an adult would have been present. I think even the 16 year olds would have been surprised when they rocked up and realised no adult on site at all!

Hairyfairy01 · 21/01/2023 11:46

I would be thanking my lucky stars it was just a bit of mud. Could have easily been a million times worse!

JudgeJ · 21/01/2023 11:46

It reflects badly on their parents and on their schools

Is there anything people don't dump onto schools? If the parents do not control their brats then the parents are 100% responsible, if they've bred those slobs it can be assumed that they are reflecting their parents' attitude.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 21/01/2023 11:47

BankOfDave · 21/01/2023 11:38

The argument of “it’s your fault, what do you expect from 40 teens” is the equivalent argument as girls wearing revealing clothes are ‘asking for it. Victim blaming.

There comes a point when 16 year olds are responsible for their own behaviour without needing to be supervised 24/7. What you do about it and how you know who did what is up to you but YANBU to expect better behaviour.

OP chose to go out and leave 40 teenagers unattended in her home. It's not victim blaming to say that she should have ensured there were adults around to supervise - it's basic common sense.

She's incredibly lucky that all she has to worry about is a bit of mud on the carpets.

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:47

Most of those girls you have on a pedestal OP would have lied to their parents about fact they were going to a huge party with alcohol and no adult at all

Mirabai · 21/01/2023 11:47

It could have been a lot worse.

MRex · 21/01/2023 11:47

40 was too many to be unsupervised.

Basically they got a bit of mud in the house. It's mud, clean up and it's fine. I have a reception year DS, so that's pretty frequent here. It isn't red wine, it isn't holes in walls, it's just mud. You can't expect a party for 40 to not need any clean-up, that's just bonkers frankly.

The only actual issue is that possibly one or more boys tried to steal stuff, either to be annoying due to being kicked out or to sell. I'd alert parents to the ones who tried to nick stuff, if your DD is really certain which ones and you're sure it isn't her or her friends making it up; you need the name of the boy and the exact item that was in a pocket. If it turns out that was beer, crisps or cigarettes then obviously leave it!

JuneOsborne · 21/01/2023 11:47

So, this ringleader. You know his parents phone number? How come?

Has he got form for this? If so, how did he get an invite? If not, how do you know he was the ringleader?

I get that you're annoyed. But it is asking for trouble, such a big party with such young teenagers.

Flatandhappy · 21/01/2023 11:48

I have three “kids” aged between 19 and 29 so have plenty experience of kids wanting/having parties but who the hell allows a 16yo to have 40 people at a party without adult supervision. I totally understand your frustration, I would be fuming too, call the parents if you feel it’s appropriate but I think it’s maybe a life lesson in how not to parent.

starfishmummy · 21/01/2023 11:48

thesugarbumfairy · 21/01/2023 10:52

you lost me at 40...

I'm not sure I could get 40 in my house!

TheaBrandt · 21/01/2023 11:48

The clearing up boys were all state. They came up to me at end and just said “bin bags” which I handed over and they just cleared it all up

thaegumathteth · 21/01/2023 11:48

It is not, in any way, comparable to girls asking for it by wearing a short skirt. Get a grip.

OP is an adult, a parent and made a stupid decision and is trying to absolve herself (and the girls) or any guilt at all. There are consequences to making mistakes as she is keen to remind the parents of the boy....

NancyJoan · 21/01/2023 11:50

It was your daughter’s party, she was responsible for her friends and their behaviour. If she’s not mature enough to realise that and stand up to people who are causing damage, she’s not mature enough to host a party solo.

IneedanewTV · 21/01/2023 11:50

If I had 40 teenagers coming to my house for a party I would make sure I had a group of adult friends with me to supervise. At that age they cannot be left alone. In the past I’ve had to ring parents to collect their child because of behaviour or drunk and being sick. But I’ve never had 40!!

mrstnov13 · 21/01/2023 11:50

I would be very disappointed if one of these boys were my son and would want to know so I think you should contact them.

BankOfDave · 21/01/2023 11:50

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:46

No because the vast majority would have fibbed to their parents

or

presumed an adult would have been present. I think even the 16 year olds would have been surprised when they rocked up and realised no adult on site at all!

Show quote history

So either the child lied - their fault, or the parents presumed and didn’t check - their fault. If any parent is so aghast their 16 year old wouldn’t be supervised they need to check themselves.